2004-08-11 21:46:02 ET

everything was going so nice today. then we sat down to play some monopoly. someone said something that reminded me of hyatt. i tried to sit it out, but i had to get up and then go to bathroom i washed my face with cold water and proceeded back out to the kitchen. cold washing helps me gain control of things.

now i just feel like crap. javier left me some music, i should listen to it.

tonight there is a meteor shower. i wish he didn't leave so soon. i would have wanted to cuddle in my yard staring at the sky. he smells likes cloves which is really comforting. </sap>

on monday i hung out with joe, we went to the mall i got a new wallet, a phone book, and a new eyeshadow, i'm going for the gross sick look. i'll take some photos for tomarrow.

i also bought sock garters which are fucking sexy.

i want to be this close to you.

2004-08-08 16:11:33 ET

i'm really just not feeling life right now.

i hung out with javier which makes me happy. even though all we do is kiss and sleep. granted we both don't have money to do amazing things. ocassionally we might eat some food or play life. things are simple. he's wonderful. i want to take things slow and keep things simple but at the same time i wouldn't mind falling head over heals. i can't get attached i know. i'm just happy things are now instead of before when i was geeky and 17. three years. he feels lecherous. i told him he was waiting for me to become legal. pervert.

i suppose i'm allowed to feel like shit considering. but still. i'm gonna make dreads. that's always good times.

then i'll have big hair. and you can't be all that sad with big hair. xxoxo

2004-07-30 23:23:24 ET

i will forever be crushed.

you came into my life and permanently changed me for the better. you gave me soo much insight as to who i was and my life experiences. i only regret that it wasn't sooner, and that we would have had the time to become dear friends.

i will forever be indebted to you and wisdom.

i can only hope that soon you'll be watching over all of us knowing that we appreciated you and your life more than you will ever understand.

you were my spark and my drive for more.

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