ah love
2008-10-19 22:22:10 ET

Everything is going great! I love portland. I love the poeple who are here. I miss everyone back home but I know that I am likely to see them all again. But every so often the thought crosses my mind that I may not. That they might not make until the next time I visit the bay. Most of them will make it, and will be there most of our adult lives. But, every so often, one of them threatens to disapear. A moment like this offered itself this last week. San Francisco makes my heart ache so much more when someone I need is hurting there.
I can't stand the thought that I can't do anything physically for this woman that I deeply love. She is 600 miles away and it's my fault. But then I think about the other things there that made my life fucking suck.
I remember that the reasons that I left heavily outway the reasons that I would go back for. It means my sanity and my life. I guess.

I feel much safer. Not safer, exactly. But comfortable. Like I can take on all that shit I've wanted to now. For one I can stop writing hella emo journal enteries and instead write some literature in this shit.

lighter notes, but heavier laughter-
Alex, Emme(new roomie) and I went to the side street where they were showing "forgetting Sarah Marshal(l?)." Great time. That movie is pretty fucking hilarious. One of the bartenders bought everyone a round of drinks. Free beer! This town is awesome! I suspected as much. I drew a fairly scientific diagram of a uterus in the bathroom. I also forgot to lock the door and a woman walked in on me whilst I was drawing said uterus. She was awfully cute and rather akward. This bar also has sapprono's pin ball which I believe I am adiccted too. Pin ball in general, not just specifically Sapprano's. Still they get mad points for plastic replica strippers that spin around in said pin ball machine. Way better than the crystal skull(which merely spins), rocks(they shake) or snake(does it move at all?) in the indianna jones one. However, regardless of how I feel about the mechanics of said spinning strippers, it looses points for depiction of sexism over violence. I think my favorite pin ball so far is the one I can't quite remember the name of. Something about being a savage or barbarian depictind some bearded viking looking dude defeating a troll of some sort. Awesome.
PS!!! Portland has this fucking excellent arcade called the Avalon where you buy a ticket for just 2.50 and you can play any of there cheep ass video games (ranging 5c-50c) and/or(!!??) see a movie! All tickets are a two for one pass if you come back in 5 days too. I'm stoked.
At any rate.
this may be the first drunk post for me.

yep. thats vague enough
2008-10-14 12:55:08 ET

i'm so glad cat and girl understand my feelings.

heart broke fast
2008-10-13 14:25:17 ET

On saturday some friends of mine found a beautiful adorable year oldish puppy dog whom turns out is named Lily. My temporary name for her was shortie. She is a yellow lab boxer mix and at first I wasn't that into her but she won me over in less than three hours. For some fucking reason she is not fixed and the owner sounded like kind of a douche bag. I am really just bitter that he has come to take her back.

so my heart is a little broken. I should fucking know better than to get attatched to other people's dogs. fuck me.

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