2004-11-24 21:54:28 ET

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

My Last Four Days....2004-11-20 12:49:50 ET

Wednesday: Dog chewed coffee table while at work to get attention. Highly pissed. Gusty winds kept me up with the noise of my recycling bins being tossed around on the porch. Got up and froze at 3 AM to bring them inside. Tired, cold and pissed.
Thursday: Determined not to let dog get in a habit of chewing furniture, closed door to hallway while at work. Came home to find DSL line chewed. No lifeline to WWW. Highly pissed and ready to skin dog alive. Continued high winds set car alarm off several times throughout the night. Thoroughly pissed and cranky due to lack of sleep.
Friday/Saturday: Dog woke up way too early. Had to open work's door at 9 for annoying old woman doing CPR class who bitched because I wasn't there at 8:20 when she showed up. Went to work at 2 PM, came home at 5 PM. Left again at 7 PM to be locked in a room with 4 other adults and 40 teenagers until 8 AM. Heard the same 8 rap songs played over and over again the whole 13 hours. Got 2 hours of sleep. Arrived home at 9:30 AM. Dog didn't destroy anything, slept another 3 hours. Replaced chewed DSL line; still couldn't connect. Had a moment of enlightenment when I realized that phone line wasn't plugged into the jack after reconnecting DSL connections for about an hour. Current Condition: Sleep-deprived raving lunatic who will start WW3 if she hears J-Kwon's "Tipsy" again in the next month.

Doctors' Notes2004-11-14 05:18:59 ET

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
~Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered... "Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
~Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR

I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
~Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
~Dr. wouldn't admit his name
1 comment

Big Shoes2004-11-12 12:21:05 ET

Ever have one of those days when you feel that you'll always be #2? Yeah, today's that day. I miss P...she'd know exactly what to say.....and whether to buy a 6-pack or a case.

Snow Baby2004-11-09 04:31:42 ET

I'm officially an Aunt again. Joe's sister, Becky, had a little girl this morning, who they named Emily. It's the first baby to be born since we've been married, so it's my first "official" neice (although I have two others and a nephew). I just wish we could be there to see her.

We got our first snowfall today. Nothing much (by NEPA standards), just about a half an inch, as of now, of slush and snow. I went to work and two hours later they closed the Youth Center. Damn southerners who don't know what real snow is..... At least Joe will be happy that he'll have a hot cooked meal when he gets home from work. I can't wait to take the dog out in it to see how he reacts!

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