Hard time keeping up.    2003-10-19 08:02:30 ET
ive fallen out
and thought that it would never happen

could it be
that she does understand
im just to afraid to let her know

i was so screwed with
that now
i dont know what to do

i cant let myself become like this
i know that
it can happen

im not going to let this happen
im going to overcome this
i have to move on

i may be falling back in
she understands
she can feel

she isnt afraid
like the other

i am the one who is afraid now
i try not to be
i must get out of this

i will be normal again
i must
love will become again



 Von Brigši    2003-10-18 18:45:26 ET
my sigur ros cd collection is complete
i now have Von Brigši
which is sigur ros's 2nd cd

its a remix cd
they let difrent bands remix their songs
and it is GREAT

im happy
it was a B-day present from Casey
and i love her for it!!!

fellings in me are very numb anymore
i feel like i cant love
i feel numb to everything

why can i not feel love
i receve it
but i cant process it

my emotions were toyed with too much
i dont know why i stood for it
it was a mistake

but mistakes lead to victories
but will this one
i dont know

i ache
but i cant feel it
i feel like an empty metal box

with nothing
to hope for

will i ever feel loved again
i feel like the only thing i can do
is lay in a bed and stare at the celing

im so empty
and tired
the only thing that keeps me alive is music

you live with this feeling of love and hope
and one day
it kicks you in the teeth

your left alone sitting in a dark room
with no hope of light
ever finding you

and now i dont know how to live
i just want affection
but ive been so messed with

that now
i am afraid to express my affections with people
it was always a fucking SIN to to that stuff in public

dont want to share this with other people
who gives a shit about what other people think
do it for you

dont become like me


 Femidoms    2003-10-18 09:46:03 ET
nathan is crazy...
he was joking about female condoms and i said
and thats what our bands working name is now...
according to him

any way
the pratice was fun
we are working on a song already
and this morning i came up with one
on the keyboards

so im very excited now
the set up (for now) is

Me: Guitar, Keyboards (sound effects type stuff), and AV (if we find it)

Nathan: Basoon, Keyboards (more piano chords stuff)

Ashton: Cello and or violin

Casey: Violin

so far its great
i love it
and i cant wait to play the thing i made up this morning
on the keyboard

its very cool

so now.
im happy.

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