...Because women like us are plauged with the myth that we are fat until one of us has the courage t    2004-06-17 23:01:43 ET
So on a happy day I am jelous.
Yes I am just that selfious.
It is Adams B-day,and mostly I think of ugliness and how want a boyfriend.
I wish I was beautiful so badly it makes me cry.
And then *NICK* talks to his girlfriend on the phone(who should be me)
And Adam and Jessica have sex,and not the meaning less kind,
I just wanna cry
and have someone look at me that way
or in any way
And they ask me whats wrong
and I lie because I am not going to ruin Adams day
It does belong to him and then I just fell worse for lying to the ppl that love me most
But they can't know
They don't really understand
I say that alot
but its true
But I am unwanted
And It will stay that way
right now I feel like I will die alone
And it hurts so bad
Oh how I wish Jess and Adam were enough
But they aren't
I am so greedy
I don't know whats wrong with me
why am so evil


 So    2004-06-02 19:40:13 ET
Are you going to read this?

I didn't have sex no matter what anybody said.

I love Jessica and I don't care what anybody thinks about that. She is the one person who was always truely there for me. She didn'r care about how she thought I was acting. She took the time to see how I was feeling about things. Also she was the only person who didn't listen to all the rumors about assuming that they were true,just becuase I wasn't at school. She thinks I am beautiful.
Sometimes I start to believe her. I think that is something great.

You don't know Adam and you probably never will. I love though. He is beautiful person in every way. He is important. He makes me happy becuase he is my friend, thats right a real one. He makes Jessica happy too. That is very great, I was getting tired of guys that treated her like shit. All of them weren't near good enough for her. I hope she sees that now. He does make me sad though when he doesn't realize how wonderful he is. And that is what he is .


Once I get past all the rumors the fights the people who desserted me my time at school my time at home....I don't really know were I am. I do know that I lucky though,Jessica and Adam couldn't be more perfect.<3

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