2005-06-29 09:17:37 ET

Happy Relationship Paranoia - When you're in such a great relationship, but can't worrying you'll fuck it up or it'll end sooner or later.

Thank you Episode #254 for clarrifying that feeling.
1 comment

How to Tell if You Just Blew Good Money to See a Bad Independent Film
2005-06-23 06:00:16 ET

My fiancee and I went to an indy film festival last weekend, and enjoyed ourselves fully. But I found this on, and just found it hilarious, given our shared history.


The film can best be described as “gritty realism” if only because you get to watch every single character take a piss.

The narration begins, “Mateo was ripe for adventure…”

The entire original score is hummed.

The movie proudly states it was “Inspired by the director’s college thesis on Ayn Rand.”

One of the characters regularly smokes clove cigarettes, and it’s not played for laughs.

The film opens with an extreme close-up of a fly resting on a woman’s cheek…and stays on that shot for a full ten minutes.

The movie single-handedly spawns a new motion picture genre—“ninja ennui.”

A character uses the word “jejune” when speaking of their dog.

It’s billed as a romantic sex comedy but the only one getting any action is the robot.

The film is about a group of unmotivated, unattached twentysomething slackers who spend their days bemoaning their fates in iambic pentameter.

In the credits the producers thank numerous militias.

The white girl with the dreadlocks is taken seriously.

The story is told from the perspective of a frustrated writer, a disgruntled teen or a loquacious mime.

The cast spends the entire 100 minutes sitting on a ratty couch in a Village studio apartment getting stoned, staring into space and engaging in deep, philosophical discussions about the musical direction of their band “Paper or Plastic.”

The lesbians never make out.

The indigent farm family all wear “Lucky Brand” overalls.

The movie takes place completely in the kitchen, much to the obvious dismay of the director’s mother.

The camera cuts to developing storm clouds whenever there is tension, to a sunny meadow whenever there is joy and to the contents of an unflushed toilet whenever possible.

The film opens in a freshman philosophy class.

The dream sequence takes up 90% of the film.

The title song finds a rhyme for “Siddharta.”

The director plays five major roles and operates the boom mic.

The movie addresses third world famine and pestilence, by way of a cardiologist’s family in New Rochelle.

Sexual politics is explored in a retirement community.

The only character that doesn’t commit suicide is the wise cockatoo.

- Francesco Marciuliano
1 comment

I'd say every week I do about 15 minutes of real work
2005-06-22 15:07:00 ET

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta
A real gangsta-ass nigga plays his cards right
A real gangsta-ass nigga never runs his fuckin mouth
Cuz real gangsta-ass niggas don’t start fights
And niggas always gotta high cap
Showin’ all his boys how he shot em
But real gangsta-ass niggas don’t flex nuts
Cuz real gangsta-ass niggas know they got em
And everythings cool in the mind of a gangsta
Cuz gangsta-ass niggas think deep
Up three-sixty-five a year 24/7
Cuz real gangsta ass niggas don’t sleep

And all I gotta say to you
Wannabe, gonnabe, cocksuckin’, pussy-eatin’ prankstas
Cuz when the fry dies down what the fuck you gonna do
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta
Feedin’ the poor and hepin out wit they bills
Although I was born in jamaica
Now I’m in the us makin’ deals
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta
I mean one that you don’t really know
Ridin’ around town in a drop-top benz
Hittin’ switches in my black six-fo’
Now gangsta-ass niggas come in all shapes and colors
Some got killed in the past
But this gangtsa here is a smart one
Started living for the lord and I’ll last

Now all I gotta say to you
Wannabe, gonnabe, pussy-eatin’ cocksuckin’ prankstas
When the shit jumps off what the fuck you gonna do
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta
A real gangta-ass nigga knows the play
Real gangsta-ass niggas get the flyest of the bitches
Ask that gangsta-ass nigga little jake
Now bitches look at gangsta-ass niggas like a stop sign
And play the role of little miss sweet
But catch the bitch all alone get the digit take her out
And then dump-hittin’ the ass with the meat
Cuz gangsta-ass niggas be the gang playas
And everythings quiet in the clique
A gangsta-ass nigga pulls the trigger
And his partners in the posse ain’t tellin’ off shit
Real gangsta-ass niggas don’t talk much
All ya hear is the black from the gun blast
And real gangsta-ass niggas don’t run for shit
Cuz real gangsta-ass niggas can’t run fast
Now when you in the free world talkin’ shit do the shit
Hit the pen and let the mothafuckas shank ya
But niggas like myself kick back and peep game
Cuz damn it feels good to be a gangsta

And now, a word from the president!
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta
Gettin voted into the white house
Everything lookin good to the people of the world
But the mafia family is my boss
So every now and then I owe a favor gettin’ down
Like lettin’ a big drug shipment through
And send ’em to the poor community
So we can bust you know who
So voters of the world keep supportin’ me
And I promise to take you very far
Other leaders better not upset me
Or I’ll send a million troops to die at war
To all you republicans, that helped me win
I sincerely like to thank you
Cuz now I got the world swingin’ from my nuts
And damn it feels good to be a gangsta

- Geto Boys

*shrugs* It's a fair court.
2005-06-09 07:37:58 ET

You scored as The Magic Earring Ken Dyke. You're tough, mysterious and extremely butch. But you love who you are and often consider it a compliment when someone thinks you're a male.

The Magic Earring Ken Dyke


The Pretty-Boi Dyke


The Stud


The Vaginal-Reference-Making Dyke


The Little-Boy Dyke


The Student Dyke


The Femme Fatale


The Quasi-Gothic Femme


The Surprise! Dyke


The Granola Dyke


The Bohemian Dyke


The Sprightly Elfin Femme


The Hipster Dyke


What Type of Lesbian Are You? (Inspired by Curve Mag.)
created with

La Mer
2005-06-03 18:05:58 ET

Quelque part au delà de la mer
m'attendant quelque part
mon amoureux se tient sur les sables
d'or et observe les bateaux qui vont naviguer

Quelque part au delà de la mer
observant quelque part pour moi
et si je pourrais voler comme des oiseaux sur la haute
puis directement à elle des bras
j'irais naviguer

Il est lointain au delà du le tient
le premier rôle est près au delà de la lune
que je connais au delà d'un doute
mon coeur me mènera là bientôt

Nous nous réunirons au delà du rivage
et nous embrasserons juste comme avant et heureux
nous serons au delà de la mer
et jamais encore j'irai naviguer
Et jamais encore j'irai naviguer

et jamais encore
j'irai naviguer...

- Charles Louis Trenet ...via Jack Lawrence

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