the out2010-02-22 15:07:50 ET

so talked to Barry more in depth tonight and we mutually decided that since he lives so far away that right now it would be better to just be friends so we don't get together than have it fall apart and hate each other.

I asked if he meant what he said to me all those times and he said "I still do, but like you said...distance would make it really hard cause idk how much we'd see each other"

damn the maturity of the men. lol

I know it sounds like a cop out but honestly...right now in my life...that's ALOT of stress to put on a brand new relationship....we're not bitter and stupid...but it kinda blows. alot.

I need a beer. and some ice cream.

2010-02-21 06:13:24 ET

so...last week was kinda funky. like...Barry got switched to days from nights which pretty much rendered him a zombie all week. He goes back to nights tomorrow so that's good but it made for a really strange week.

We still talked but not as much and we still said goodnight but it wasn't as sweet as it usually is.

After he caught up on some sleep yesterday we kinda talked about it and he said it wasn't anything i did and nothing he feels has changed. so *shrug* i guess it was just an off week

My stupid friend Scott is all "oh he might have found someone else or just lost interest."

Why do people say stuff to me? lol and I realize that those are real possibilities...but i really don't think if he was losing interest that that would have changed in 24 hours...which is how fast it got weird and funky. idk...we shall wait and see what's up...and have that talk if it's needed.

I just hate that things got weird. :/

you may say i'm a dreamer....2010-02-18 18:49:34 ET

for my mom who always told me i could do whatever i wanted. I miss you mom....

and for my dance team ladies who helped me through the hardest year i've been though at college. I wouldn't have made it without them.

by Rick Dunn, Freaks on Noland, Independence, MO

2010-02-17 18:40:03 ET

bah. i'm fucking defective. i wish i could stop being so needy and stupid. i really hate it.
1 comment

2010-02-16 20:40:17 ET

I do enjoy taking things one day at a time. And I enjoy being able to have weak moments with a guy and not have him run screaming. It's exhausting always having my shit in line ya know? I'm used to always being the one who has to have her shit together 24/7 and fixing someone else. It's nice to have the room for error. =] hope Barry can get the time off work to come here. *fingers crossed*

64 days :)

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