UP2010-01-04 06:19:23 ET

Things are FINALLY looking up....Tahoe tomorrow at 5 am!! =]]]

And the military FINALLY approved my bonus...with an extra $250....i see it as an apology for taking so long.

i want to get my tattoo of stars done. It will look something like this:

Oh and I finally figured out why I'm so negative and scared of my future with you. Cause it's so certain. Something is telling me day in and day out that you're it for me...and that is a scary thing. BOO YOU FATE!

In other news, my little brother might be joining the Air Force today. This should be interesting...

'I will show you love" - kendall payne2010-01-02 21:49:08 ET

I will show you love like youíve never loved before
I will go the distance and back for more if you just say the word

You will come alive again and call the trying times your friend
The pain that you have suffered through will never get the best of you
You will hope in something real that wonít depend on how you feel
When you call my name then I will answer, answer

I am on your side though the wind and waves beat against your faith
You were on my mind when the world was made
Trust in me my child, Trust in me my child

Walk out on the water where you have no control
So scared to death of failure you sacrifice your soul, please let that go

You have climbed an uphill road, You have worn a heavy load
You have cried through endless nights and nearly given up the fight
Watched your dreams like falling stars the heartaches made you who you are
Now looking back you see that I have always been there

Where you gonna hide? Where you gonna hide from Me?
Where you gonna go? Where you gonna go that I canít see?

I have heard you cry and it breaks my heart for I love you so
I would never lie, this is not the end there is still a hope

Things I miss...2010-01-01 21:15:25 ET

-being skin on skin with you (God i miss that...)
-"Hey...you rolled over the wrong way..."
-10 minute goodbye hugs the night after you cried on your porch and I sat with you
-The way you make the most generic cologne smell like you're the only one who wears it
-the way you make me feel like i'm the only girl on the planet for you
-"together or not...you've got me."
-knowing i hold that special place in your life
-being able to glow and smile big around you and not have it be weird or not have people ask why i'm so happy...cause it's just that obvious
-waking up next to you
-thinking "wouldn't it be great if I were waking up next to him?....oh wait...I am..."
-best sex ever (lol)

Fresh2009-12-31 22:30:30 ET

Fresh year, fresh start, fresh life.

I'm glad we're not fighting anymore. I'm also glad talking to you is easier than any other guy I've ever known. And I'm glad you let me in again...it means the world to me, really.

(PS- sk, if you could pray for this wonderful boy in my life...he's fighting alot of demons right now and he needs anything you guys have to offer. I don't care who you pray to, how you do it, or even if you don't believe in prayer and just send good vibes, just please do anything you can or want to.)

California...2009-12-30 13:38:04 ET

Going to Tahoe in 6 days. THANK GOD. I really need to get out of here....and special thanks to those who made it possible for me to clear my head.

I can't wait to live there and live in that clarity all the time.

Went shopping today with christmas money and bought new shoes and hoodies for my trip. Good day!

There's going to be a Blue Moon on New Years...and also a rare eclipse. AND it's the year of the Tiger (me)

2010 shall be interesting indeed...

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