2004-12-22 08:32:39 ET

I miss Daniel.
Its weird I wish I didn't miss him but I do.
He probably isnt even thinking about me at all this break. I dont know, all I know is he dose love me but we arnt together.

2004-12-21 05:49:34 ET

So what do you all think of my new pageness?

Ok for the moment
2004-12-20 21:03:17 ET

I feel ok about not being with Daniel at the moment, but I know when I see him on the third all the feelings will be back.
I will probably cry again and that will suck, but I know someday maybe if we are still intouch we will be together. He loves me, and he tells me that. I know when he is honest, just by looking in his eyes. The first time I fall in love its too late, and he realized that he dosnt want to hurt me worse than he already has. Fuck it I say if it is ment to be then it is ment to be. But I dont know if it really is. He is so young and I am not so young, but I am in love with him. I hate that he is not here, I want him to call me on his birthday, but I know that he wont. He will be at the cementary sitting on his son and daughters graves. Its so sad how much he had to grow up in such a short time. Not biologicly his children but he took care of them like they were his own, and now that they are gone he feels so guilty that he couldnt be there for them for the last few months.
I love him, but right now I think its better that we arnt together, although I know that when I see him in two weeks all will be pain, and too much that I am not sure wether I can go back and face him.
Never want to feel so helpless again. I hate that I let him in my heart, or rather that I let him drill a hole in my titanium wall around my heart.

Just needed to write, or rather type all the feelings. Sorry if I bothered you.

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you awy from this world
So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time
You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all...
But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult

You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.
Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.
Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others.
Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.

Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

You Are the Individualist


You are sensitive and intuitive, with others and yourself.

You are creative and dreamy... plus dramatic and unpredictable.

You're emotionally honest, real, and easily hurt.

Totally expressive, others always know exactly how you feel.

I never want to feel it again.
2004-12-16 15:56:08 ET

Falling fast towards the ground
Hitting hard but no pain to feel
Spinning now
My soul in shreds
The holes in my heart
May never mend
I'm still at fault
Just like before
Shattered and broken
My world falls apart
Never knowing when
This will end
My stubborn spirit
Not knowing when to bend
Now its time the end is here
I will help it all disappear

Me and myself
2004-12-04 17:56:06 ET

I'm slowly but surely going insane..
Sort trip I know.
But the slow part makes it seem longer.
But on the other hand I am doing well at Job Corps.
I like it rather well.
I have cool friends.
I wish Rikki were here though.
I am singing in the talent show at school.
Very terrified.
Talk to you later.

2004-11-13 11:40:14 ET

I think my hormones got the best of me on this one ladies and gents. 16 year old boy and a 21 year old female.
Violent tempered boy, hits on all with boobs.
Me getting PMS and major hormone problems is not a good thing.
What i did was a scumy thing to do, you know letting him kiss me and even kissing back, but what he did is fucked up.
So even though I was going to back off any way, I still wanted to preserve a friendship, because we never dated or went out or anything like that.
But now I am not even going to try for a friend ship.

Why do I attracted assholes. BAH FUCKING HUMBUG.
I want a relationship a real one, that I dont fuck up. A real one that is with some one my own age, or at least closer.
I hate letting my hormones get the best of me.
The second a guy pays any attion to me I swoon. I want someone real, and some one who isnt abusive.
I hate crying and now thats what I am doing.
later every one

IM ALIVE and ok......
2004-11-12 20:46:47 ET

I peirced my nose..
Took it out going to redo it when Im not sick.l
And have it done by some one other than my self jabbing a safty pin and earing through.
Getting my tough peirced this weeked if i get the jewellry.
School is ok.
Be done with my voc. in Feb abouts.. and starting school full time and work part time aroud the same time.
may double voc it and take auto body
I miss you guys
people should write me at job corps i feel unloved there.
901 S. Campbell
Tucson, AZ 85719

It would be the coolest if some one accually wrote..

Oh yeah a 16 year old boy is hitting on me hardcore and I am so mean and i tease.. eep..
wound up with something not pretty on my neck wanna guess what.. heheh

2004-10-22 09:12:06 ET


Job Corps
2004-10-20 07:58:01 ET

Some times being here is a pain in the ass.
I miss having Sara(h)'s in my class'. I wish that I could. I am going on my 4th week already, It dosnt seem like a fucking month already really. Its weird. Its been a really Long time since I have even talked to anyone on line or got to do any thing really.
I dont know
I got my room off weekend restriction YES YES YES YES.. I couldnt just get off and leave them stuck here all weekend. so yeah I got us off. WOOT..

I am so tired all the time here. I only get to leave campus during the week once on wednesday today yeah.. And then i can go home for the weekend because dammit i would just leave any way.

Ok.. Here goes
Rikki fucking call me already.
I miss Ryan and I love him too...
I will try to get on later i love you all

2004-10-11 12:10:09 ET

Hey guys. My Birthday is Next friday the 22 woo hoo.. and then two days later its RikkiBirthday

Im at job corps now its not as bad as you all were saying. :) any way. I am just wanting to up date alittle before i have to get off the computer :P..

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