the way of the gun    2003-01-29 17:50:39 ET
so kids.. i'm incredibly sleep deprived, i'll keep this short...

i took some new pic's to cheer someone up and now they've found their way into my bio...

last night was fun; i went to open air to see my friend heartworm spin.. doktor242 brought his laptop and MIDI controller... Storm and Furax as well as my friend Chris (exeris) showed up to chill... i basically sat in the corner with a ton of flyers for my idm night too nervous to hand them out.. playing with the computer and procrastinating... heartworm's set was fucking amazing; he wanted to come out and spin for me but he has to go touring in canada... i would have chickened out of flyering altogether if Storm hadn't fed me a drink and went with me; it was kind of like when your dad is helping you ride a bike, pushing you along.. and you dont even notice when he let's go.. soon i was actually conversating with people etc. i have two dj's lined up and an artist, which is good because its going to be weekly now and not bi-weekly.

this really cool girl with a game boy and a kaoss pad and other toys was making glitch music... after open air we went to the typical after club diner (odessa) and i took a cab home to get sleep instead of the subway.. extra $$ but i figured it was worth it: instead i ended up dicking around on until 1 am.. i cant remember the last time i got more than 5 hours of sleep: 4 seems to be average.. i now think that it wasnt really the second job: it was me.. i had to turn down watching a movie w/my friend who's having girl problems to get sleep and now look at me, i'm typing an entry. Digit used to always do sleep deprivation and get away with it; i can't.. i have to take stacker2's to stay awake..and i fucking hate those things.. this compulsive behavior is killing me

add to that the fact that i have about 1/4 of the normal amount of blood as usual..its a medical thing.. and i'm pretty hallucinatory right now.. there were so many things i had to get done today; i had a to-do list like 20 or so items long and i have done nothing. i can't focus enough to study the SAT's (i still have my heart set on architecture school)... im having problems eating.. oneof my good friends says that something has to be bothering me because i got impulsive and got trashed this weekend and got a tattoo (i was sober for the tattoo) and that displays behavior of someone who is upset about something.. only i cant figure out what it is.. i just got broken up with and although i dramatized it i didnt think the effects were this far-reaching... maybe it's something else.. i cant figure it out, and honestly right now i'm too tired to bother... plus i have to work on my set list..

things that suck:
my computer had to boot up 7 times to make it past log-in
(i am infested with viruses; dont bother giving me suggestions, much like my blood problem it is hopeless)

AND my cell phone got cut off. ghetto fabulous.
the snow was very beautiful today, but i cant keep thinking about going down to florida for two weeks in April with Doktor242. i'm not going to bother analyzing whether or not i was happier here or there; it doesn't matter; i just exist, and had my share of complaints there too.. i juar need to take better care of myself i guess

good night guys
sweet dreams to all

love (and a bullet)


 c:\mp3\coil_from_digit    2003-01-27 15:41:47 ET
he is gone.

whatever it is you're looking for, i hope you find it.




 7 2459-613952 3    2003-01-26 07:04:07 ET



cheap webcam = $22

web hosting = $5.95/month

proving to all your friends what a psychotic jack dangers/meat beat manifesto fan you are


     2003-01-26 06:14:12 ET

 bling bling thug life posturing    2003-01-24 16:44:34 ET

Which Shame to Industrial Music Am I?

brought to you by Quizilla

"You are Bogart Shwadchuck of Epsilon Minus. You think the scene is a joke, and handle yourself accordingly. Your "bling bling thug life" posturing, underproduced "00ntz 00ntz" techno-centric music, and constant barage of smack-talking scene parodies damage your ability to be taken seriously. Which is OK, because pretty much no one has heard of you anyways. "

niicccccce... that would explain my backwards yankees cap :p

chillin at dbd haus w/Biomechanic.. prolly gonna head to q's and make stompy.

i quit my second job. so now i have more time to devote to what really matters.

i was going to do a very long, introspective, philosophical entry but i have company: and that is somewhat rude

i was supposed to be studyng for the SATs on the train.. but i ended up in the front car.. staring out the front window.. i got sucked into the colors, how the tracks reflected the green lights and the orange lights and the dark blue glow of the sky: (the J train is above ground) it swirled together in this dark delirious rainbow... watching beneath the train as the cars raced us, as firetrucks and red sirens flashed in and out of view; and ordinary objects that had somehow ended up on the tracks raced by underneath the train's path. a small whisky bottle, empty, that once contained human comfort, a night of warmth.

and the various colors of the small shops beneath blurring into further rainbow insanity: we slowed to a stop and the sidewalk was stained with purple velvet neon light, swimming into red... and the color... i realized i was nearly crying. listening to a cd dok242 made for me.. lassigue bendthaus... the airplanes substitute stars.. crawling the sky looking for somewhere safe like insects...trying to get home

well now i'm home, and i cant wait to get out again.


Jump to page: [Previous] 1 « 3 4 5 6 7 » 25 [Next]
Back to death by design's page