|Shamelessly Stolen From KithFan.Org|
2004-03-31 11:09:50 ET
God Is Dead
Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Matt Morrison (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Bruce- Philosopher 1
Mark- Philosopher 2
Kevin- Skeptic 1
Scott- Skeptic 2
Dave- A priest
[Scene: A room that looks like a giant shoe box made to look like a dollhouse or a diorama (remember those from elementary school?) This whole skit is shot in black and white and has the tone of a fifties school film both in music and acting style.]
[The philosophers sit and, and drink and stroke their beards until Bruce turns to Mark.]
Bruce: God is dead.
Announcer V.O.: Yes. "God is dead", cried Nietzsche. And the cry has been heard for years. But for each philosopher, there has been a cynic. [Scott and Kevin pop out of nowhere]
Kevin: No way!
Scott: Prove it!
Announcer V.O.: And that is where the argument has stalemated... until now!
[We see a man holding a small body. Two other men stand in the back.]
Man: God IS dead. And here is the body to prove it.
[The cynics appear, their hair messed]
Kevin: You've just blown my mind!
Scott: Our minds have been blown!
[We see the philosophers, looking very smug]
[A doctor examines the body and nods sadly at the camera.]
Announcer V.O.: The world is shocked. First to find out God did in fact exist and second to find out he was now dead.
[We see a montage of crowd scenes, and various people looking stunned, ending with a shot of a sad priest (Dave)]
Dave: I've got some good news and some bad news.
[Dave motions to the small coffin he stands next to.]
Announcer V.O.: But the world was most shocked to find out how small God was.
[We see several images of wind pushing around trees, lightning storms and a flower blooming in sped-up time during the next speech and finally the man holding the small body again.]
Announcer V.O.: Imagine winds.... storms... the miracle of life. All from this tiny God with such tiny hands and feet.
Man: He's really light, too.
[We see Dave hold up and turn a small jacket. It has GOD spelled out on the back.]
Announcer V.O.: Yes, God did exist. He died. He was very small. Mystery solved!
[We see a mother and her daughter holding candles and crying.]
Announcer V.O.: The world has a brief period of mourning.
[Cut to pictures of trucks going down the highway.]
Announcer V.O.: And then it's business as usual, on the streets and highways that God built.
2004-03-27 09:16:04 ET
Goddammit. I can't open any of my .mht files using IE6 even though I created them before with Internet Explorer. Apparently the version I'm using now does not support mht support (i.e. I can't save whole webpages as a single .mht file anymore). Wtf? Anyone know how I can get around this?
|Motorcycling In The Chernobyl Dead Zone|
2004-03-26 15:04:39 ET
2004-03-25 16:02:38 ET
I was performing a Google image search for the term "Big Bertha". For those who don't know, Big Bertha was the name given to the biggest artillery gun in WWI. Instead, the first thing that came up was this:
|I am the walrus.|
2004-03-25 12:16:26 ET
Jesus Quintana: What's this day of rest shit? What's this bullshit? I don't fuckin' care! It don't matter to Jesus. But you're not foolin' me, man. You might fool the fucks in the league office, but you don't fool Jesus. This bush league psyche-out stuff. Laughable, man -- ha ha! I was gonna fuck you in the ass Saturday. I fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead. Wooo! You got a date Wednesday, baby!
2004-03-23 09:40:15 ET
The Italian Fake Orgasm Challenge:
2004-03-17 09:22:29 ET
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