2005-09-06 17:56:05 ET

I'm in such a lousy mood.

I'm so angry at him. Even though I shouldn't be.

I keep dreaming that he's doing something wrong and I'm so fucking paranoid, it's ridiculous.

I'm angry at my Mom and she's been as sweet as possible.

I'm crying randomly.

I've kept my blinds closed going on 3 days now.

I've been drinking since 3 o'clock. (I'm surprised my Mom isn't stopping me.)

I haven't showered today.

I cut myself again.

2005-09-06 10:42:46 ET

I'm so paranoid. I don't want to loose him. But I'm almost so paranoid that I want to break up with him...it would save my sanity.

I'm sorry...I just woke up and I'm sure this rant doesn't make much sense.

I'm in love and it hurts.

I need to tell ya'll somethin'
2005-09-05 18:37:52 ET

My butt hurts.

Oh, and go to www.illwillpress.com and go to \"toons\"

Funniest website ever!

2005-09-02 23:02:41 ET

Tonight blew ass.

I went to a concert, originally just to see my friend Ty's band. But once I showed up, my ex-boyfriend Kyle's band, Secnd Best (no...no "O") was playing as well!-Yeah...I'm sure you can imagine how fuckin' psyched I was to see him!

Anyway...I walk up and he's smoking, which was VERY unusual because when I smoked he would flip a shit every time I lit up. He was also really skinny...like sickly skinny. I think he's lost probably close to 60 pounds? The last time I saw him was *thinks* probably 2 or 3 months ago...and he was still heavier. So I thought that was weird. But he was very offish to me, when he did talk to me...the third thing he said to me was "Do you have a boyfriend?" I said..."YES". Ugh...I hate seeing him. Oh and later that night he said in front of a huge group of people. "When did your tits get so huge? They weren't that big when we fucked...". I was fucking irate. First, because that's fucking embarrassing. Second, I felt really sort of hurt...all I was is a fuck? I dunno, I think that would hurt anyone? I think I feel the weirdest being around him because he's the only person that ever broke up with me. I've always done the dumping. Oh, except for in 7th grade I got dumped...but that doesn't really count.

Overall I guess the night was fine. I meet Elvis and saw some crazy guy dance like James Brown.

Oh...and fuck the new Paris Theatre.

Contemplating Rocky...I want to go. But I WILL NOT be ignored and..I don't really want to break any faces. (Anna knows what I mean)

2005-09-01 16:18:44 ET

He called and I think we're cool

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