October....    2006-10-22 00:11:46 ET
I woke up sick saturday morning. Well, I didnt do anything about it, I figured "Oh, I will be fine." ,and, for most of the day I was just fine. I went into work to help open the resturaunt. I was there a half an hour, and I threw up quite nicely. It was spectacular. Needless to say, they sent me home.

Around 9:30PM, I felt alittle better, so I went back to work to help out. Everything went super. It is 3AM now, I dont feel that great, but I have to work tomorrow, and I cannot sleep.

This month has been for, the worst month I have had in awhile.
Lost my girlfreind, Broke my tooth at work, and now this.
Oh I guess it is fate telling me something, I need to change my life, I need to be more upbeat, I need do something to dispell all this negativity. I am working on that. One day at a time. This winter for me will be a time of change, I can feel it, I know it.

It hasnt all been bad though. A woman i know has told me that she loves me for who I am, unconditionally. I love her the same way. She is a wonderful woman. I have been doing more of my artwork, getting back into drawing and all that. Artwork seems to help me cope. Workman's comp will pay for my tooth, and I still have a job, a place to live and I am still alive. Sometimes though, I wonder if people really understand me, why do I get so shy around others? Why do I always observe things, and not take thing for what they are? Why do I always feel like the outsider, looking in?
I take it that alot of people prob. think I am stuck up, aloof and whatnot. I am the exact opposite. I take people for who they are, and I respect others. I am very kind, caring and generous person. I am just hard to talk to. I wish I could change that, but I cannot. I hope you all understand.

Take care all of you, and sleep well.

1 comment

 fun times.    2006-10-17 23:17:07 ET
Well let's see...I got my teeth cleaned yesterday, oh boy that is always fun.

Today I went to Target and got myself a new MP3 player finally. I went to Finnegan's tonight and I worked on a new piece of stationary. I hope to finsih it soon so I can run off come copies. :)

When I was walking home today. I saw Bluephreak walking down the sidewalk. I didnt say anything, but I knew it was her. If she reads this, "Hello" ; I shouldve said that when I saw her. It would have been courteous of me.

I hope everyone on here is having a good night. Take care all of you, and bye for now.
1 comment

 Sadness    2006-10-07 00:47:43 ET
I am so far gone...I just want to die.

 So here I was, and there were you, I wish I was with you.    2006-10-05 21:58:20 ET
Why is it that some people are blessed with the ability to reach out and say how they truely feel, and others are not?

Last night I said something that inadvertently hurt the woman I love. I did not mean for it too, and I admit, I was very tired, and alittle buzzed at the time that I said it. But, the statement's impact on her hurt her profoundly.

She is the woman that I love. To me she is the most beautiful woman in the world. She has impacted my life in so many ways. She is the woman whom I want to spend the rest of my life with. I love her with all my heart. Every day I thank fate that she is here. Every time I see her, Every time I talk to her, it lifts my spirit up to uncharted realms of happiness. I would never hurt her, I would never let her come to harm. I truely would lay down my life for her. She means everything to me.

Why am I cursed with an inablity to reach out? I wish she was here now, I would hold her close to me, look deep into her beautiful eyes, and tell her that I love her, and that I am sorry. She means the world to me, and I am beaten down with guilt and remorse for what I said.

I hope I have not lost her, What I said hurt her profoundly, I saw the hurt and pain in her eyes, and I see it now. It truely pains me. I have thought of nothing else all day. I hope that I am wrong. Watch what you say, for even the littlest remark can have devastating consequences.

I am such an idiot sometimes.

I am not only crushed, but beaten down with remorse and guilt.

 Oh joy.    2006-10-04 11:55:52 ET
Yippy. The Rolling Stones are in town tonight. Yep, I want to get screwed on some tickets just so I can see a bunch of 60-something year old guys strut around like they are in their 20's. Oh wait, I have to work... *fake tears* Guess im going to have to miss the show.

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