Sleepy Man

2004-05-28 10:41:21 ET Sleepy Man - From "The Robber Bridegroom" "Been a busy day With some heavy seas But you've done your best, sleepy man Let your troubles lay Let your breathing ease While I rub your back, sleepy man You're all done with the run of the race...for today You've got plenty of running to face Come tomorrow I'm right here, always near Always lovin' my dear, sleepy man Not a girl I know Has a better deal Than my life with you, sleepy man If I let it show How you make me feel We'll be up 'til 2, sleepy man You're all done with the run of the race...for today You've got plenty of running to face Come tomorrow I'm right here, always near Always lovin' my dear, sleepy man I'm right here, always near And I love you, my dear sleepy man" ~ Now, there's a love song if I ever heard one.

Keeping it down for posterity

2004-05-25 09:39:23 ET The other day my boyfriend told me that I was a "precious commodity; his diamond in the coal". How do you not love a man with lines like that? 4 comments

A gentle reminder

2004-05-21 09:27:54 ET I'm fairly certain that at the posting of this blog there are more than a few people who need to comprehend the "hands off policy". What is mine is not yours to five finger discount. Please keep your hands off the goods. Thank you. ;o) Don't Let the Bastards Grind You Down - Toasters "Each day I wake up in this gray old town Each day the system tries to bring me down With a minimum wage in the factory I'm slaving in the Twentieth Century And the whole damn world is gangin up to bring me to my knees And now the neighbors make it loud and clear That they want no ravers moving in around here I won't play ball, won't do as I'm told I'd rather be a square peg in a round hole Don't let the bastards grind you down Don't let them grind you down Don't let the bastards grind you down Don't let them grind you down I'm living in a world where I don't really fit Every day walking through the same old shit I'm gonna get my gun, gonna get prepared I'm not impressed and I'm not scared Don't let the bastards grind you down Don't let them grind you down Don't let the bastards grind you down Don't let them grind you down Me say... Ah we livin in da ghetto On da streets of dis town ...you a man You stand up firm Gotta stand up strong Listen ghetto youth Dis how we keep in da land Don't let the bastards grind you down Don't let them grind you down Don't let the bastards grind you down Don't let them grind you down Don't let the bastards grind you down Don't let them grind you down Don't let the bastards grind you down Don't let them grind you down"

I quit

2004-05-19 11:29:38 ET G'ever have one of those days, when it all becomes clearer than crystal? When the cloud that wraps itself around you just lifts and all of a sudden it all makes sense? I've had the moment of reckoning... My indian name should be princess stupid girl. Sometimes I just don't know why I bother trying. I don't even have any words for how completely used up I feel. Like a dishrag. Or worse, a dirty dishrag!! And I let it happen, that's the really comical part. Some people just never learn. Like me for example. I get burned and just stand there with my hand on the proverbial hot stove, yelling like someone is actually going to hear me. I'm such an idiot sometimes it's hard to believe I actually thrive in this world. "This is not a tragedy. A tragedy is three men trapped in a mine or police dogs used in Birmingham...Monks burning themselves in protest."

How a little news can change the day

2004-05-12 09:27:59 ET So the best thing to happen to me all day was the following IM left me by my man. well, just so you know... the interview went fantastic. They're looking for a "chief video editor," to handle the post-production process, and he was really impressed by me, and he said he is definately going to call me in for some free-lance work before he makes his decision. P.S. he also said that the Resume was the best-looking one to cross his desk.;-) Sometimes I get to so excited I can barely contain myself.

T-shirt weather

2004-05-10 09:34:50 ET Today I played soccer on a cement parking lot, in 2 1/2 inch heels, pantyhose and a skirt. Why? Becuase my kids asked me to. Can you be totally apathetic and completly consumed all at once? Is that even like possible? Fairytale of New York - No Use For A Name "It was Christmas Eve babe In the drunk tank An old man said to me, won't see another one And then he sang a song The Rare Old Mountain Dew I turned my face away And dreamed about you Got on a lucky one Came in eighteen to one I've got a feeling This year's for me and you So happy Christmas I love you baby I can see a better time When all our dreams come true They've got cars big as bars They've got rivers of gold But the wind goes right through you It's no place for the old When you first took my hand On a cold Christmas Eve You promised me Broadway was waiting for me You were handsome You were pretty Queen of New York City When the band finished playing They howled out for more Sinatra was swinging, All the drunks they were singing We kissed on a corner Then danced through the night The boys of the NYPD choir Were singing "Galway Bay" And the bells were ringing out For Christmas day You're a bum You're a punk You're an old slut on junk Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed You scumbag, you maggot You cheap lousy faggot Happy Christmas your arse I pray God it's our last I could have been someone Well so could anyone You took my dreams from me When I first found you I kept them with me babe I put them with my own Can't make it all alone I've built my dreams around you" "It's amazing the things you notice. Like the corner of his collar that was coming undone, like he was from a poor family and couldn't afford new shirts. That's all I could see. The whole world was that unraveled piece of fabric. It's such a lie that you should do what's in your heart. If we all did what was in our hearts, the world would come to a halt." 1 comment

And the funny keeps coming

2004-05-06 09:30:02 ET Why do I keep attracting stalker-type-scary men? Do I have a sign on my forehead that says "if you're deranged I'm the one for you"? This is just too much. I think I might hide under my bed for a week or so, maybe he'll forget about me by then. Probably not, but I can hope can't I? **sigh** 2 comments

harumph

2004-05-05 10:34:01 ET Totally - Screeching Weasel "Totally cool that your hair is blue I totally drool when I think about you Totally neat totally sweet Totally knocked me off my feet Totally rad but it's too bad You're not aware of all my plans I totally lust when I see you around The Belmont bus takes me right by your house Totally neat totally sweet Totally knocked me off my feet Totally lame that you won't say You'll hang out with me every day I totally love everything about you"

Thinking about kids

2004-05-04 09:46:39 ET Today was park day with the kids. It was really a very nice day. The sun was shining, there was a nice breeze. I'm tired as all get out, but it's a good kind of tired. It was one of those days that reminds you why you're doing what you're doing in the first place. The kind of day where the scent of car air fresheners is ten times stronger because of the heat and the din of kids playing in the park is never as loud as the sound of peaceful contentment that is surrounding the whole ordeal. I felt something break inside of me today, while spending the day with my students. Something deep inside my heart just tore apart. A deep unfillable wilderness has taken it's place. I suppose what I felt is the reserve slipping away. That question that every girl eventually asks. Do I want kids of my own? Can I do this every day for the rest of my life, even when I'm tired and worn and cranky as hell. I suppose the answer is that I do and I can. But now that the rerserve has left me, there's just an empty place waiting to be filled up with grins, and frogs and skinned knees. Prehaps, I'm feeling this before my time, or maybe my "biological clock" (whatever that is) is just ticking louder than normal today. I don't know. But I know that I feel good and that I'm not worried or scared, just accepting and anticipating. I know it won't be for a while yet; Not today, or tomorrow or next month or year. But I'm looking forward to the day that someone calls me Mommy, no matter how far away it may be. The House Where Nobody Lives - Tom Waits "There's a house on my block That's abandoned and cold Folks moved out of it a Long time ago And they took all their things And they never came back Looks like it's haunted With the windows all cracked And everyone call it The house, the house where Nobody lives Once it held laughter Once it held dreams Did they throw it away Did they know what it means Did someone's heart break Or did someone do somebody wrong? Well the paint was all cracked It was peeled off of the wood Papers were stacked on the porch Where I stood And the weeds had grown up Just as high as the door There were birds in the chimney And an old chest of drawers Looks like no one will ever Come back to the House were nobody lives Once it held laughter Once it held dreams Did they throw it away Did they know what it means Did someone's heart break Or did someone do someone wrong? So if you find someone Someone to have, someone to hold Don't trade it for silver Don't trade it for gold I have all of life's treasures And they are fine and they are good They remind me that houses Are just made of wood What makes a house grand Ain't the roof or the doors If there's love in a house It's a palace for sure Without love... It ain't nothin but a house A house where nobody lives Without love it ain't nothin But a house, a house where Nobody lives." 1 comment

Thoughts, but quick ones.

2004-05-03 10:40:35 ET I just added some new pics. today. Enjoy them. The cat seems to acclimating well. Julie emailed me today. I don't know quite what to do with myself. It's been a million years since I heard from her and I was so happy to see that email sitting there. I made out fairly well at the record shop on Saturday and elsewhere as it were. Perhaps later I can tell you what I got. Naw, I'll tell you now. I picked up: Tom Waits "Small Change", Simon and Garfunkel "Bookends", Simon and Garfunkel "Greatest Hits" (mneh) and I passed up a Ramones record that I really, really should have bought. I also purchased a John Denver Record to replace one I beat to shit. The guy gave it to be for a buck. Not that it was worth much more than that to begin with. My boyfriend, thought he would be funny and he got me a "Stray Cats" LP. :o) Alright, gotta run. Buh byes for now! :o) 6 comments

YEAFREAKINGHOO!!!!

2004-04-30 11:39:27 ET It's finally Friday! I can hardly wait to get moving this weekend. I'm going to pick up my best friend's cat and transport her to my boyfriend's house. He's going to be keeping her for a while. What a guy! (Better put on my attention getting face. He's wanted a cat of his own for-ev-er!) Oh and so the best (well, I suppose that depends on your state of mind) thing happened the other day. I went into my 2nd job that I've been at for about a million years. And, as I'm getting ready to leave for the night, my new boss tells me she wants to talk to me. So, I'm like "whatever." Turns out she wants to reprimand me for "mouthing off" to her on a previous shift, and she wrote me up! Normally, this would upset me. I mean is it my fault that no one appreciates my humor? But, this did not bother me this particular evening. Why? Becuase the entire time she's trying to exert her power over me she's having a nervous fit, getting all sweaty, voice shaking, etc. And, I'm thinking. "Yeeesss! I still got it! I have not lost the mojo!" I smiled all the way home. I'm such a dork sometimes. **wry smile** Rude & Reckless (Edit) - The Slackers "I asked my father for some advice He answered quickly, he didn't think twice He said a thinkin' man don't do too much Know what your doing and do as you must And learn to be rude and reckless Don't make a fuss You have to be rude and reckless Do as you must You have to be hard and callous In your heart and your hand Learn to be rude and reckless... You have to be hard and callous You have to be strong You have to rude and reckless Don't be all wrong You have to be a no hesitation Don't think too much... You have to be rude and reckless It's part of the plan You have to be rude and reckless Do right by your fellow man There should be no political correctness You have to drive fast You have to be strong You have to be strong You have to be rude and reckless..."

Delusionary

2004-04-30 09:34:02 ET I'm fairly certain that if I ever decide to become a stripper this will be my theme song. New Coat of Paint - Tom Waits "Let's put a new coat of paint on this lonesome old town Set 'em up, we'll be knockin' em down. You wear a dress, baby, and I'll wear a tie. We'll laugh at that old bloodshot moon in that burgundy sky All your scribbled lovedreams, are lost or thrown away, Here amidst the shuffle of an overflowing day Our love needs a transfusion so let's shoot it full of wine Fishin' for a good time starts with throwin'in your line." 1 comment

A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend

2004-04-29 10:45:21 ET "Keep eye contact. Funny is good, but don't be glib. And remember, if you hurt her, I will beat you to death with a shovel. A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend. Have fun." I'm afraid lately of so many things and I know that it's manifesting itself in my relationship. My poor boyfriend; He's so good to me and I just keep flaking out... We've pretty much always been straight with one another. Things are just all piling up lately, with school being almost over for the year and Jen leaving for Germany today...The future seems so damn far away and I'm busting my ass to get there and I can't help but wonder why. Why am I working this all alone? My school loan is so close to paid off, My car is getting there. What the hell is it that I'm running so fast toward anyway? It's not like anyone is going to be there waiting when I get there. And I'm thinking three years is a damn long time and waiting around for other people to catch up to my frantic running-toward-my-destiny pace is going to be even longer. And even then, are we going to make it? Make the cut? Can we? This show business has me pissed off too. The man wants to go see the Bouncing Souls next Friday. I want him to be able to go, but he doesn't want to spend the money because he's trying to save to go to May's (I think they are in May) HepCat shows. I wish that he had the money to go to both. But then, I wish a lot of things... Under A Telephone Pole - Carl Sandburg "I am a copper wire slung in the air, Slim against the sun I make not even a clear line of shadow. Night and day I keep singing--humming and thrumming: It is love and war and money; it is the fighting and the tears, the work and want, Death and laughter of men and women passing through me, carrier of your speech, In the rain and the wet dripping, in the dawn and the shine drying, A copper wire." 2 comments

contemplation

2004-04-28 09:42:25 ET AS I KNEEL BEFORE YOU Words & Music: Maria Parkinson As I kneel before you, As I bow my head in prayer, Take this day, make it yours and fill me with your love. All I have I give you, Every dream and wish are yours, Mother of Christ, Mother of mine, present them to my Lord. As I kneel before you, And I see your smiling face, Ev'ry thought, ev'ry word Is lost in your embrace. Ave Maria, Gratia plena, Dominus tecum, Benedicta tu.

It'll probably be in the last place I look . . .duh.

2004-04-26 10:22:21 ET A Continuous Fragment of Thoughts... 1.) Gya'ever look and look for something but it appears to be nowhere to be found? I'm so frustrated. All I want is one set of stinking guitar tabs. Just one set. I don't think they exist. Seriously. Grrr. B.) It's raining today and my knee is still messed up from our romp through the mountains on Saturday. I suppose though since the Less Than Jake show was "free" it was worth the trouble. It was a decent show, I was happy with it anyway. III.) On another note, my best friend is leaving me in about 3 days. **sigh** She'll be moving to Germany to live with her hubby. I'm still adjusting. d.) It's been a long day at school. Thank Heaven, I don't have any work tonight. 5.) I'm kinda sedate actually. Just sort of drifting through the day as if I'm not really in my body. It's weird. Final Thoughts: I never thought I would do this. It's strange how we change for the people we love. This was a place (almost literally) that I never expected to end up. At one point, I believe I vowed (out loud) that it would never happen. Still, it's a fun place to be and I'm not complaining. It suits me better than any other skin I've ever been in. And, seems to be a natural extension of my personality anyway. Additional ramdomness: I should go on a diet. Additional Books: #13 on the best reads must, must, must be "Blankets" by Craig Thompson. A bit predictable, a bit emotional, but a hit nonetheless. Read about it here: Blankets Graphic Novel "It’s raining in Baltimore, baby But everything else is the same... There’s things I remember and things I forget I miss you I guess that I should Three thousand five hundred miles away But what would you change if you could?" - Counting Crows (I refuse to apologize) "Distance makes the heart grow fonder, but honey you dont have to wander to make me say those 3 words." - The Slackers

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