Trite and silly, but suitable

2004-03-30 09:44:04 ET **Edited for pertinence - and yes, I can sing it and no, I'm not ashamed.** "I touch the fire, and it freezes me I look into it, and it's black Why can't I feel? My skin should crack and peel I want the fire back. . . So I will walk through the fire 'Cause where else can I turn? 'Cause she is drawn to the fire. Some people never learn. What's it going to take to strike a spark? These endless days are finally ending in a blaze. And we are caught in the fire; The point of no return. So we will walk through the fire; And let it burn." **Mad Props to the genius behind the words, Mr. Joss Whedon**

2004-03-25 09:43:17 ET "Song For A Mix Tape" - The Ataris "today I made you a mix tape and I decorated it with lots of stars. it had all my favorite songs. there was jawbreaker and armchair martain built to spill and the descendents. hell I even put one of ours on it. falling for you was the easy thing to do. if only somehow I could make you hang around. today I made you a mix tape to say exactly how I feel inside and make you feel it to. these are the songs that make me smile and cry myself to sleep at night when I'm lying without you. I love you more than I ever loved anyone before. hey silly girl I'm begging you. all of these songs they remind me of you I hope that you like this song. did you ever listen to the words and melody do you fell the pain inside they way that it hurts me? when your in your room at night I hope you'll be singing along. and make me a tape of your favorite songs." "In This Diary" - The Ataris "Here in this diary, I write you visions of my summer. It was the best I ever had. There were choruses and sing-alongs, And that unspoken feeling of knowing Right now is all that matters All the nights we stayed up talking and listening to 80's songs; quoting lines from all those movies that we love. It still brings a smile to my face. I guess when it comes down to it... Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up: These are the best days of our lives. The only thing that matters is just following your heart and eventually you'll finally get it right. Breaking into hotel swimming pools, and wreaking havoc on our world. Hanging out at truck stops just to pass the time. The black top's singing me to sleep. Lighting fireworks in parking lots, illuminate the blackest nights. Cherry cokes under this moonlight summer sky. 2015 Riverside, it's time to say, "goodbye." Get on the bus, it's time to go. Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up: These are the best days of our lives. The only thing that matters is just following your heart, and eventually you'll finally get it right."

Fight or Flight

2004-03-25 09:33:34 ET Instinctively I turn away from what now burns my soul. You would rather talk and I would rather lose control. 1 comment

Getting Catholic

2004-03-25 09:32:42 ET I love when little kids talk. They always say insightful things. Today one of my students told me "I can't go to confession tomorrow, because I'm just getting catholic. I can't go till next time." I didn't know it was something you could get. Is it like a cold? They're so cute.

Self absorbtion . . .

2004-03-22 10:14:35 ET Ok, so I dislike to be self-absorbed, but I'm going to be, because I can. I'm going to focus on my pain for five minutes of a 24 hour day. Why? Because I can. A new angst-ridden poem (it has no title yet) for your enjoyment. . . I thought I could curl inside your voice and wait out the storm, comforted by the steadiness I found there. I tried so hard to crawl inside; take comfort in the smooth, even tones of masculinity. I waited on three days of silence for the first perfectly pitched tones to hum through me. And lying in bed at night, I missed you in that cliche, more than words can say type of way In the thickening silence my heart merely whispered "after great pain, a formal feeling comes" Over and over again I repeated this truth as if, when the distance were breached, it would matter. I found comfort there, only for a time. for inside of me an epiphany had erupted; birthed from the silence. I can not curl inside your voice to slake my need. My need, is you.

Because it fits, dammit

2004-03-22 10:14:00 ET Ruby's Arms - Tom Waits "i will leave behind all of my clothes, i wore when i was with you, all i need's my railroad boots, and my leather jacket, as i say goodbye to ruby's arms, although my heart is breaking, i will steal away out through your blinds, for soon you will be waking. the morning light has washed your face, and everything is turning blue now, hold on to your pillow case there's nothing i can do now, as i say goodbye to ruby's arms, you'll find another soldier, and i swear to god by christmas, there'll be someone else to hold you. the only thing i'm taking is the scarf off of your clothesline, i'll hurry past your chest of drawers, and your broken window chimes, as i say goodbye i'll say goodbye, say goodbye to ruby's arms. i'll feel my way down the darken hall, and out into the morning, the hobos at the freightyards, have kept their fires burning, so jesus christ this goddamn rain, will someone put me on a train, i'll never kiss your lips again, or break your heart, as i say goodbye i'll say goodbye, say goodbye to ruby's arms."

Couldn't one week be made up entirely of Saturdays?

2004-03-15 10:05:37 ET The Heart of Saturday Night - Tom Waits "Well you gassed her up Behind the wheel With your arm around your sweet one In your Oldsmobile Barrelin' down the boulevard You're looking for the heart of Saturday night And you got paid on Friday And your pockets are jinglin' And you see the lights You get all tinglin' cause you're cruisin' with a 6 And you're looking for the heart of Saturday night Then you comb your hair Shave your face Tryin' to wipe out ev'ry trace All the other days In the week you know that this'll be the Saturday You're reachin' your peak Stoppin' on the red You're goin' on the green 'Cause tonight'll be like nothin' You've ever seen And you're barrelin' down the boulevard Lookin' for the heart of Saturday night Tell me is the crack of the poolballs, neon buzzin? Telephone's ringin'; it's your second cousin Is it the barmaid that's smilin' from the corner of her eye? Magic of the melancholy tear in your eye. Makes it kind of quiver down in the core 'Cause you're dreamin' of them Saturdays that came before And now you're stumblin' You're stumblin' onto the heart of Saturday night Well you gassed her up And you're behind the wheel With your arm around your sweet one In your Oldsmobile Barrellin' down the boulevard, You're lookin' for the heart of Saturday night Is the crack of the poolballs, neon buzzin? Telephone's ringin'; it's your second cousin And the barmaid is smilin' from the corner of her eye Magic of the melancholy tear in your eye. Makes it kind of special down in the core And you're dreamin' of them Saturdays that came before It's found you stumblin' Stumblin' onto the heart of Saturday night And you're stumblin' Stumblin onto the heart of Saturday night."

Just a thought

2004-03-15 10:01:34 ET Fast from discontent; feast on gratitude. Fast from anger; feast on patience. Fast from pessimism, feast on optimism. Fast from complaining; feast on forgiveness. Fast from self-concern; feast on compassion for others. Fast from discouragement; feast on hope. Fast from idle gossip; feast on purposeful silence. -William Arthur Ward 1 comment

Ah, how I love the early morning trek to work

2004-03-09 09:40:37 ET This morning, this is what I got for my ride to work. I love the randomness of early morning radio. (Actually, it was kind of decent.) Welcome Home - Shaun Groves from Invitation to Eavesdrop "Take, me, make me All You want me to be That's all I'm asking, all I'm asking Welcome to this heart of mine I've buried under prideful vines Grown to hide the mess I've made Inside of me Come decorate, Lord Open up the creaking door And walk upon the dusty floor Scrape away the guilty stains Until no sin or shame remain Spread Your love upon the walls And occupy the empty halls Until the man I am has faded No more doors are barricaded Come inside this heart of mine It's not my own Make it home Come and take this heart and make it All Your own Welcome home Take a seat, pull up a chair Forgive me for the disrepair And the souvenirs from floor to ceiling Gathered on my search for meaning Every closet's filled with clutter Messes yet to be discovered I'm overwhelmed, I understand I can't make this place all that You can I took the space that You placed in me Redecorated in shades of greed And I made sure every door stayed locked Every window blocked, and still You knocked Take me, make me All You want me to be That's all I'm asking, all I'm asking." 4 comments

oddly enough. . .

2004-03-08 09:45:08 ET this is the song that we listened to on the way to the church Plea From A Cat Named Virtue - The Weakerthans "Why don’t you ever wanna play? I’m tired of this piece of string. You sleep as much as I do now, and you don’t eat much of anything. I don’t know who you’re talking to, I made a search through every room, but all I found was dust that moved the shadows of the afternoon And listen, about those bitter songs you sing; they’re not helping anything, they won’t make you strong. So we should open up the house, invite the Tabby two doors down. You could ask your sister if, she doesn’t bring her basset hound. Ask the things you shouldn’t miss: tape hiss and the modern man, cold war and card catalogues to come join us if they can. Girly drinks and parlor games, we’ll pass around the easy lie of absolutely no regrets, and later maybe you could try. To let your losses dangle off, the sharp edge of a century. We’ll talk about the weather, or how the weather use to be. And I’ll cater, with all the birds that I can kill, let their tiny feathers fill disappointment. Lie down, and lick the sorrow from your skin Scratch the terror and begin to believe you’re strong. All you ever want to do is drink and watch TV, frankly that thing doesn’t really interest me. I swear I’m going to bite you hard and taste your TINNY blood if you don’t stop the self-defeating lies you’ve been repeating since the day you brought me home. I know you’re strong." 6 comments

My Best Friend Got Married This Weekend . . .

2004-03-08 09:40:33 ET Suzanne is Getting Married - Screeching Weasel "Suzanne is getting married off in June it'll be a perfect day Yohannan and Jon von can duke it out for the right to give her away the bridegroom is a charming bloke from Scotland he wants to be a citizen but his friends are telling him he's buying into the patriarchal system I never really though of Jawbreaker as the perfect wedding band let's just hope that Martin Sprouse does not get pissed and break his other hand will Odell catch the poison ivy bouquet say it's not big enough and throw it away? will they honeymoon at Gilman Street and watch a zillion crummy bands? will pots and pans be flying in two weeks and who has to take out the trash? I know that they're in love who'll take off the gloves first and punch the other in the nose? and what I'm wondering dude is if the marriage was approved by Maximum RocknRoll"

On the Radio

2004-03-05 10:18:02 ET I heard this song on the radio on the way to work this morning. What a way to start the day! It's been with me all day long now! Still, it's not so bad. Romeo and Juliet - by: Dire Straits "A lovestruck romeo sing a streetsuss serenade Laying everybody low with a lovesong that he made Finds a convenient street light steps out of the shade Says something like you and me babe how about it? Juliet says hey it's romeo you nearly gimme a heart attack He's underneath the window she's singing hey la my boyfriend's back You shouldn't come around here singing up at people like that Anyway what you gonna do about it? Juliet the dice was loaded from the start And I bet and you exploded into my heart And I forget the movie song When you gonna realise it was just that the time was wrong juliet? Come up on different streets they both were streets of shame Both dirty both mean yes and the dream was just the same And I dreamed your dream for you and now your dream is real How can you look at me as if I was just another one of your deals? When you can fall for chains of silver you can fall for chains of gold You can fall for pretty strangers and the promises they hold You promised me everything you promised me thick and thin Now you just say oh romeo yeah you know I used to have a scene with him Juliet when we made love you used to cry You said I love you like the stars above and I love you till I die There's a place for us you know the movie song When you gonna realise it was just that the time was wrong juliet? I can't do the talk like they talk on the TV And I can't do a love song like the way it's meant to be I can't do everything but I'd do anything for you I can't do anything except be in love you And all I do is miss you and the way we used to be And all I do is keep th beat and bad company All I do is kiss you through the bars of a rhyme Julie I'd do the stars with you any time Juliet when we made love you used to cry You said I love you like the stars above I'll love you till I die And there's a place for us you know the movie song When you gonna realise it was just that the time was wrong juliet? A lovestruck romeo sings a streetsuss serenade Laying everybody low with a lovesong that he made finds a convenient streetlight steps out of the shade Says something like you and me babe how about it?" 2 comments

holy . . .crud

2004-03-04 09:44:49 ET So, I went to bed last night after having the delicious opportunity to see my wonderful boyfriend on a Wednesday! Get that, a WEDNESDAY! HA HA!!!! Well, anyway, I went to bed and had the mother of all nightmares and I swear that it lasted all night long. I actually woke up in a panic, crying. How wussy. After all, it was only a nightmare, but boy, was it real. I hope I don't have it again tonight! "You only build me up to let me down." 1 comment

Thoughts for the day

2004-03-03 09:48:04 ET It's funny how you can actually smell spring seep into a school building. The whole dynamic of the place actually changes and you can smell it in the air, physically. Oh, and by the way, after laying in bed last night, staring at the darkened ceiling for hours I think I finally figured out the source of my nagging angst. I just don't know what to do about it . . .phneh. 2 comments

Of All the Songs to Have Stuck in My Head

2004-03-02 10:29:34 ET You must be good --The Slackers "you must be good, so that you can sleep at night you must be good, so that your mamma can hold you tight and you must be good, or the devil come lick you you must be good, dont let him trick you oh every day, tempted by temptation and every night by another situation but you must be wise ,be wise and reckoginze or the devil come pull you down in a girlish disguise avarice and envy, lord these sins are deadly greed and vanity, they hurt a good man plenty but you must beware,and take care in your youthful insobriety your cup may be full now but in the end it will be empty." --Disclaimer: I was being lazy and didn't type these out myself, so if they're messed up somewhere, it's not totally my fault. 1 comment

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