Trite and silly, but suitable
2004-03-30 09:44:04 ET

**Edited for pertinence - and yes, I can sing it and no, I'm not ashamed.**

"I touch the fire, and it freezes me
I look into it, and it's black
Why can't I feel?
My skin should crack and peel
I want the fire back. . .

So I will walk through the fire
'Cause where else can I turn?

'Cause she is drawn to the fire.
Some people never learn.

What's it going to take to strike a spark?

These endless days are finally ending in a blaze.

And we are caught in the fire;
The point of no return.
So we will walk through the fire;
And let it burn."

**Mad Props to the genius behind the words, Mr. Joss Whedon**

2004-03-25 09:43:17 ET

"Song For A Mix Tape" - The Ataris

"today I made you a mix tape
and I decorated it with lots of stars.
it had all my favorite songs.
there was jawbreaker and armchair martain
built to spill and the descendents.
hell I even put one of ours on it.

falling for you was the easy thing to do.
if only somehow I could make you hang around.

today I made you a mix tape
to say exactly how I feel inside
and make you feel it to.
these are the songs that make me smile
and cry myself to sleep at night
when I'm lying without you.

I love you more than I ever loved anyone before.
hey silly girl I'm begging you.

all of these songs they remind me of you
I hope that you like this song.

did you ever listen to the words and melody
do you fell the pain inside
they way that it hurts me?
when your in your room at night
I hope you'll be singing along.
and make me a tape of your favorite songs."


"In This Diary" - The Ataris

"Here in this diary,
I write you visions of my summer.
It was the best I ever had.
There were choruses and sing-alongs,
And that unspoken feeling of knowing
Right now is all that matters
All the nights we stayed up talking
and listening to 80's songs;
quoting lines from all those movies that we love.
It still brings a smile to my face.
I guess when it comes down to it...

Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up:
These are the best days of our lives.
The only thing that matters
is just following your heart
and eventually you'll finally get it right.

Breaking into hotel swimming pools,
and wreaking havoc on our world.
Hanging out at truck stops just to pass the time.
The black top's singing me to sleep.
Lighting fireworks in parking lots,
illuminate the blackest nights.
Cherry cokes under this moonlight summer sky.
2015 Riverside, it's time to say, "goodbye."
Get on the bus, it's time to go.

Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up:
These are the best days of our lives.
The only thing that matters
is just following your heart,
and eventually you'll finally get it right."

Fight or Flight
2004-03-25 09:33:34 ET

Instinctively I turn away
from what now burns my soul.
You would rather talk
and I would rather lose control.
1 comment

Getting Catholic
2004-03-25 09:32:42 ET

I love when little kids talk. They always say insightful things. Today one of my students told me "I can't go to confession tomorrow, because I'm just getting catholic. I can't go till next time." I didn't know it was something you could get. Is it like a cold? They're so cute.

Self absorbtion . . .
2004-03-22 10:14:35 ET

Ok, so I dislike to be self-absorbed, but I'm going to be, because I can. I'm going to focus on my pain for five minutes of a 24 hour day. Why? Because I can.

A new angst-ridden poem (it has no title yet) for your enjoyment. . .

I thought I could curl inside your voice
and wait out the storm,
comforted by the steadiness I found there.

I tried so hard to crawl inside;
take comfort in the smooth, even tones
of masculinity.

I waited on three days of silence
for the first perfectly pitched tones
to hum through me.

And lying in bed at night,
I missed you in that cliche,
more than words can say type of way

In the thickening silence
my heart merely whispered
"after great pain, a formal feeling comes"

Over and over again I repeated this truth
as if, when the distance were breached,
it would matter.

I found comfort there, only for a time.
for inside of me an epiphany had erupted;
birthed from the silence.

I can not curl inside your voice to slake my need.
My need,
is you.

Because it fits, dammit
2004-03-22 10:14:00 ET

Ruby's Arms - Tom Waits

"i will leave behind all of my clothes, i wore when i was with you, all i
need's my railroad boots, and my leather jacket, as i say goodbye to ruby's
arms, although my heart is breaking, i will steal away out through your
blinds, for soon you will be waking.

the morning light has washed your face, and everything is turning blue now,
hold on to your pillow case there's nothing i can do now, as i say goodbye to
ruby's arms, you'll find another soldier, and i swear to god by christmas,
there'll be someone else to hold you.

the only thing i'm taking is the scarf off of your clothesline, i'll hurry
past your chest of drawers, and your broken window chimes, as i say goodbye
i'll say goodbye, say goodbye to ruby's arms.

i'll feel my way down the darken hall, and out into the morning, the hobos
at the freightyards, have kept their fires burning, so jesus christ this
goddamn rain, will someone put me on a train, i'll never kiss your lips again,
or break your heart, as i say goodbye i'll say goodbye, say goodbye to ruby's arms."

Couldn't one week be made up entirely of Saturdays?
2004-03-15 10:05:37 ET

The Heart of Saturday Night - Tom Waits

"Well you gassed her up
Behind the wheel
With your arm around your sweet one
In your Oldsmobile
Barrelin' down the boulevard
You're looking for the heart of Saturday night

And you got paid on Friday
And your pockets are jinglin'
And you see the lights
You get all tinglin' cause you're cruisin' with a 6
And you're looking for the heart of Saturday night

Then you comb your hair
Shave your face
Tryin' to wipe out ev'ry trace
All the other days
In the week you know that this'll be the Saturday
You're reachin' your peak

Stoppin' on the red
You're goin' on the green
'Cause tonight'll be like nothin'
You've ever seen
And you're barrelin' down the boulevard
Lookin' for the heart of Saturday night

Tell me is the crack of the poolballs, neon buzzin?
Telephone's ringin'; it's your second cousin
Is it the barmaid that's smilin' from the corner of her eye?
Magic of the melancholy tear in your eye.

Makes it kind of quiver down in the core
'Cause you're dreamin' of them Saturdays that came before
And now you're stumblin'
You're stumblin' onto the heart of Saturday night

Well you gassed her up
And you're behind the wheel
With your arm around your sweet one
In your Oldsmobile
Barrellin' down the boulevard,
You're lookin' for the heart of Saturday night

Is the crack of the poolballs, neon buzzin?
Telephone's ringin'; it's your second cousin
And the barmaid is smilin' from the corner of her eye
Magic of the melancholy tear in your eye.

Makes it kind of special down in the core
And you're dreamin' of them Saturdays that came before
It's found you stumblin'
Stumblin' onto the heart of Saturday night
And you're stumblin'
Stumblin onto the heart of Saturday night."

Just a thought
2004-03-15 10:01:34 ET

Fast from discontent; feast on gratitude.
Fast from anger; feast on patience.
Fast from pessimism, feast on optimism.
Fast from complaining; feast on forgiveness.
Fast from self-concern; feast on compassion for others.
Fast from discouragement; feast on hope.
Fast from idle gossip; feast on purposeful silence.

-William Arthur Ward
1 comment

Ah, how I love the early morning trek to work
2004-03-09 09:40:37 ET

This morning, this is what I got for my ride to work. I love the randomness of early morning radio. (Actually, it was kind of decent.)

Welcome Home - Shaun Groves from Invitation to Eavesdrop

"Take, me, make me
All You want me to be
That's all I'm asking, all I'm asking

Welcome to this heart of mine
I've buried under prideful vines
Grown to hide the mess I've made
Inside of me

Come decorate, Lord
Open up the creaking door
And walk upon the dusty floor
Scrape away the guilty stains
Until no sin or shame remain

Spread Your love upon the walls
And occupy the empty halls
Until the man I am has faded
No more doors are barricaded

Come inside this heart of mine
It's not my own
Make it home
Come and take this heart and make it
All Your own
Welcome home

Take a seat, pull up a chair
Forgive me for the disrepair
And the souvenirs from floor to ceiling
Gathered on my search for meaning

Every closet's filled with clutter
Messes yet to be discovered
I'm overwhelmed, I understand
I can't make this place all that You can

I took the space that You placed in me
Redecorated in shades of greed
And I made sure every door stayed locked
Every window blocked, and still You knocked

Take me, make me
All You want me to be
That's all I'm asking, all I'm asking."
4 comments

oddly enough. . .
2004-03-08 09:45:08 ET

this is the song that we listened to on the way to the church

Plea From A Cat Named Virtue - The Weakerthans

"Why donít you ever wanna play?
Iím tired of this piece of string.
You sleep as much as I do now,
and you donít eat much of anything.
I donít know who youíre talking to,
I made a search through every room,
but all I found was dust that moved
the shadows of the afternoon

And listen, about those bitter songs you sing;
theyíre not helping anything,
they wonít make you strong.

So we should open up the house,
invite the Tabby two doors down.
You could ask your sister if,
she doesnít bring her basset hound.
Ask the things you shouldnít miss:
tape hiss and the modern man,
cold war and card catalogues
to come join us if they can.

Girly drinks and parlor games,
weíll pass around the easy lie
of absolutely no regrets,
and later maybe you could try.
To let your losses dangle off,
the sharp edge of a century.
Weíll talk about the weather,
or how the weather use to be.

And Iíll cater, with all the birds that I can kill,
let their tiny feathers fill disappointment.
Lie down, and lick the sorrow from your skin
Scratch the terror and begin to believe youíre strong.

All you ever want to do is drink and watch TV,
frankly that thing doesnít really interest me.
I swear Iím going to bite you hard and taste your TINNY blood
if you donít stop the self-defeating lies youíve been repeating
since the day you brought me home.
I know youíre strong."
6 comments

My Best Friend Got Married This Weekend . . .
2004-03-08 09:40:33 ET

Suzanne is Getting Married - Screeching Weasel

"Suzanne is getting married off in June
it'll be a perfect day
Yohannan and Jon von can duke it out
for the right to give her away
the bridegroom is a charming bloke from Scotland
he wants to be a citizen
but his friends are telling him he's buying into
the patriarchal system
I never really though of Jawbreaker
as the perfect wedding band
let's just hope that Martin Sprouse
does not get pissed and break his other hand
will Odell catch the poison ivy bouquet
say it's not big enough and throw it away?
will they honeymoon at Gilman Street
and watch a zillion crummy bands?
will pots and pans be flying in two weeks
and who has to take out the trash?
I know that they're in love
who'll take off the gloves first
and punch the other in the nose?
and what I'm wondering dude is if
the marriage was approved by Maximum RocknRoll"

On the Radio
2004-03-05 10:18:02 ET

I heard this song on the radio on the way to work this morning. What a way to start the day! It's been with me all day long now! Still, it's not so bad.

Romeo and Juliet - by: Dire Straits

"A lovestruck romeo sing a streetsuss serenade
Laying everybody low with a lovesong that he made
Finds a convenient street light steps out of the shade
Says something like you and me babe how about it?

Juliet says hey it's romeo you nearly gimme a heart attack
He's underneath the window she's singing hey la my boyfriend's back
You shouldn't come around here singing up at people like that
Anyway what you gonna do about it?

Juliet the dice was loaded from the start
And I bet and you exploded into my heart
And I forget the movie song
When you gonna realise it was just that the time was wrong juliet?

Come up on different streets they both were streets of shame
Both dirty both mean yes and the dream was just the same
And I dreamed your dream for you and now your dream is real
How can you look at me as if I was just another one of your deals?

When you can fall for chains of silver you can fall for chains of gold
You can fall for pretty strangers and the promises they hold
You promised me everything you promised me thick and thin
Now you just say oh romeo yeah you know I used to have a scene with him

Juliet when we made love you used to cry
You said I love you like the stars above and I love you till I die
There's a place for us you know the movie song
When you gonna realise it was just that the time was wrong juliet?

I can't do the talk like they talk on the TV
And I can't do a love song like the way it's meant to be
I can't do everything but I'd do anything for you
I can't do anything except be in love you

And all I do is miss you and the way we used to be
And all I do is keep th beat and bad company
All I do is kiss you through the bars of a rhyme
Julie I'd do the stars with you any time

Juliet when we made love you used to cry
You said I love you like the stars above I'll love you till I die
And there's a place for us you know the movie song
When you gonna realise it was just that the time was wrong juliet?

A lovestruck romeo sings a streetsuss serenade
Laying everybody low with a lovesong that he made
finds a convenient streetlight steps out of the shade
Says something like you and me babe how about it?"
2 comments

holy . . .crud
2004-03-04 09:44:49 ET

So, I went to bed last night after having the delicious opportunity to see my wonderful boyfriend on a Wednesday! Get that, a WEDNESDAY! HA HA!!!! Well, anyway, I went to bed and had the mother of all nightmares and I swear that it lasted all night long. I actually woke up in a panic, crying. How wussy. After all, it was only a nightmare, but boy, was it real. I hope I don't have it again tonight!


"You only build me up to let me down."
1 comment

Thoughts for the day
2004-03-03 09:48:04 ET

It's funny how you can actually smell spring seep into a school building. The whole dynamic of the place actually changes and you can smell it in the air, physically.
Oh, and by the way, after laying in bed last night, staring at the darkened ceiling for hours I think I finally figured out the source of my nagging angst. I just don't know what to do about it . . .phneh.
2 comments

Of All the Songs to Have Stuck in My Head
2004-03-02 10:29:34 ET

You must be good
--The Slackers

"you must be good, so that you can sleep at night
you must be good, so that your mamma can hold you tight
and you must be good, or the devil come lick you
you must be good, dont let him trick you

oh every day, tempted by temptation
and every night by another situation
but you must be wise ,be wise and reckoginze
or the devil come pull you down in a girlish disguise

avarice and envy, lord these sins are deadly
greed and vanity, they hurt a good man plenty
but you must beware,and take care in your youthful insobriety
your cup may be full now but in the end it will be empty."

--Disclaimer: I was being lazy and didn't type these out myself, so if they're messed up somewhere, it's not totally my fault.

1 comment

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