There is a God and He Loves Me!

2006-06-13 10:14:01 ET Proof that God exists and loves me: Westbound Train @ the Cafe Metropolis June 24th, 2006 Kismet! That they should play on THAT particular date. I'm telling you God loves me today!

2006-06-08 03:01:26 ET Last night I had two dreams. The first one I dreamt I was living in Yonkers (**shudders**). The second dream, Nicholas Cage was my boyfriend. How bizzare... Also...This post is brought to you by today's theme song... I Love Myself Today ~ Bif Naked "You left me like a broken doll In pieces as I took the fall for you, you dumb chump! You left me free-fall like space junk Burning up in the atmosphere of life Well I sound like a philosopher but I'm a fool who's off her rocker 'Cause I let you in my heart that one last time I've had enough, made up my mind I'm gonna get up and out and wild! I love myself today Not like yesterday I'm cool, I'm calm I'm gonna be okay! Uh huh I love myself today Not like yesterday Take another look at me now 'Cause it's your last look Your last look forever Well look at you you're all puffed up In that big red truck - but you're outta luck (this time) Well, that's tough 'Cause I'm on fire - too hot to touch with a chatroom full of lovers on the line Gonna step right up. Spit shine my soul I'm gonna be proud and loud and outta control! I love myself today Not like yesterday I'm cool, I'm calm I'm gonna be okay! Uh huh I love myself today Not like yesterday Take another look at me now 'Cause it's your last look Your last look forever I'm lookin' in the mirror and I like what I see: I've lost the fear & the horror that's been eating at me 'Cause being with you was like a hangman's noose I was living my life in dead man's shoes I've had enough. Made up my mind I'm gonna get up and out and wild! I love myself today Not like yesterday I'm cool, I'm calm I'm gonna be okay! Uh huh I love myself today Not like yesterday Take another look at me now I love myself today Not like yesterday You're dead and gone I'm gonna get my way I love myself today Not like yesterday Take another look at me now 'Cause it's your last look Your last look forever!!"

"Old Wrinkle Face" captures the feeling of the day

2006-06-01 13:45:32 ET Nothing Gold Can Stay~ Robert Frost Nature's first green is gold, Her hardest hue to hold. Her early leaf's a flower; But only so an hour. Then leaf subsides to leaf. So Eden sank to grief, So dawn goes down to day. Nothing gold can stay. Once by the Pacific~ Robert Frost The shattered water made a misty din. Great waves looked over others coming in, And thought of doing something to the shore That water never did to land before. The clouds were low and hairy in the skies, Like locks blown forward in the gleam of eyes. You could not tell, and yet it looked as if The shore was lucky in being backed by cliff, The cliff in being backed by continent; It looked as if a night of dark intent Was coming, and not only a night, an age. Someone had better be prepared for rage. There would be more than ocean-water broken Before God's last 'Put out the Light' was spoken. 4 comments

**whew**

2006-05-24 10:41:57 ET So Mum is ok. Things are back to normal now. Thank God. :o) Hell's Bells! The Bouncing Souls/Slackers show at the Knitting Factory is sold out! Jen (futonrevolutionist) just got home from Germany and we so wanted to go. I think I shall spend the next hour in brooding....damn damn damn 2 comments

**sigh**

2006-05-23 03:24:00 ET Among the things that upset me are the following two: 1.) Tomorrow my Mum has to go for surgery...We don't know if it's going to be serious or not yet. 2.) Tonight, in Philly, Lee "Scratch" Perry is playing with Dub is a Weapon and I can't/shouldn't go. Among the things that make me happy is the following: I had that recurring dream last night where Billie Joe Armstrong kidnaps me. **sighs dreamily**

Oooh! Now I understand...

2006-05-22 15:35:54 ET I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings - Maya Angelou "A free bird leaps on the back of the wind and floats downstream till the current ends and dips his wing in the orange suns rays and dares to claim the sky. But a bird that stalks down his narrow cage can seldom see through his bars of rage his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing. The caged bird sings with a fearful trill of things unknown but longed for still and his tune is heard on the distant hill for the caged bird sings of freedom. The free bird thinks of another breeze and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn and he names the sky his own. But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing. The caged bird sings with a fearful trill of things unknown but longed for still and his tune is heard on the distant hill for the caged bird sings of freedom." Phenomenal Woman ~ Maya Angelou "Pretty women wonder where my secret lies. I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size But when I start to tell them, They think I'm telling lies. I say, It's in the reach of my arms The span of my hips, The stride of my step, The curl of my lips. I'm a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That's me. I walk into a room Just as cool as you please, And to a man, The fellows stand or Fall down on their knees. Then they swarm around me, A hive of honey bees. I say, It's the fire in my eyes, And the flash of my teeth, The swing in my waist, And the joy in my feet. I'm a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That's me. Men themselves have wondered What they see in me. They try so much But they can't touch My inner mystery. When I try to show them They say they still can't see. I say, It's in the arch of my back, The sun of my smile, The ride of my breasts, The grace of my style. I'm a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That's me. Now you understand Just why my head's not bowed. I don't shout or jump about Or have to talk real loud. When you see me passing It ought to make you proud. I say, It's in the click of my heels, The bend of my hair, the palm of my hand, The need of my care, 'Cause I'm a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That's me." 1 comment

You can't say we're satisfied...

2006-05-17 03:29:51 ET How much do you have to miss someone before you split wide open? Angie ~ The Rolling Stones "Angie, Angie, when will those clouds all disappear? Angie, Angie, where will it lead us from here? With no loving in our souls and no money in our coats You can't say were satisfied But Angie, Angie, you can't say we never tried Angie, youre beautiful, but ain't it time we said good-bye? Angie, I still love you, remember all those nights we cried? All the dreams we held so close seemed to all go up in smoke Let me whisper in your ear: Angie, Angie, where will it lead us from here? Oh, Angie, dont you weep, all your kisses still taste sweet I hate that sadness in your eyes But Angie, Angie, ain't it time we said good-bye? With no loving in our souls and no money in our coats You can't say were satisfied But Angie, I still love you, baby Evrywhere I look I see your eyes There ain't a woman that comes close to you Come on baby, dry your eyes But Angie, Angie, ain't it good to be alive? Angie, Angie, they can't say we never tried" 2 comments

Let it be....

2006-05-13 07:35:57 ET I figured something out today. I thought I had let go, but Obviously, I hadn't. So I last night I wrote a letter, opened my hands and let it all slip away to God. Patience, after all, is a virtue... Let go and Let God "As children bring their broken toys, with tears for us to mend, I brought my broken dreams to God, because he is my friend. But instead of leaving Him in peace to work alone, I hung around and tried to help, with ways that were my own. At last, I snatched them back again and cried, 'How can you be so slow?' 'My child' He said, 'What could I do? You never did let go.'"

2006-05-10 15:41:39 ET "A whisper in a dead man's ear doesn't make it real." 2 comments

"If your intentions are pure I'm seeking a friend for the end of the world"

2006-05-01 17:29:51 ET Ok, so this is a dare...I never could resist a good dare. And it was either this or...well, nevermind. ;o) *Charismatic red-headed Leo seeks man* (Job hoppers, video game addicts and hermits need not apply.) Man must have following credentials: **please supply two letters of reference and a crimial reference check** -Educated (and seeking to always continue to learn) -Employed (full time with benefits is a plus) -Debt is bad. (Do not apply is you are more than $100 in debt.) -Knows how to save -Is not selfish, a liar or secretive -Able to love, something other than himself and his car -Has cut the apron strings but still loves Mom -Respectful to father -Mannerly -Supportive and able to hold a conversation -Not afraid to make connections and take the lead -Has good work ethic -Enjoys concerts (of all kinds) -Can handle being outside in sunshine for more than 10 minutes -Athletic -Humorous (able to laugh at self and see humor in many different situations) -Likes movies (will take Leo to see scary flicks) -Likes to read (porn is not reading material; it doesn't count.) -artistic (ie, writer, painter, musician, film-maker) -enjoys road trips (esp. ones ending at the beach) -Can handle said Leo singing along with the car radio -Can handle said Leo's often tactless honesty -Enjoys second hand shops, flea markets and the like -Likes holding hands and giving said Leo flowers or surprise trinkets (need not be expensive) -Does not throw temper tantrums when lost on the road -Enjoys the feel of the big cities but is comfortable at home -Can navigate through big cities with relative ease -Won't pout or moan when asked to join Leo in a museum excursion -Has friends of his own whom he sees more than once a month -Can eat and drive at the same time -Is compassionate and understanding -Likes to stay in (sometimes) -Likes kids (wants to have a family one day) -Catholic boy would make said Leo's mother happy. -Pro-life -spontaneous yet gentle -Acts his age -Is responsible and can be trusted -Likes cats and/or dogs but fish are out (fish are for catching and eating) -Has some type of comic book collection, will let Leo shop for graphic novels -Likes to drive with the windows down -Can dance (break dancing and smash dancing don't count. Rhythmless motion doesn't count either. Old school rude-bwoys are acceptable.) -Can make a decent mix tape (old school style, deck to deck) -Likes the outdoors (hiking, swimming, camping etc.) -At least knows how to light a grill and/or build a fire -Can, at the very least, change a flat tire -Can handle car shows, outdoor fairs and amusement parks -Drinkers are ok, alcoholics are not -Smokers are yucky to kiss -Must own an iron and know how to use it. -Wears deodorant and brushes teeth daily. -Showering daily is a must -Facial hair is ok if properly groomed. -Has managed to keep a pet or plant alive. -Not afraid to be an individual but knows how to work the system. -Thinks music is important Bad Day ~ Daniel Powter "Where is the moment we need at the most You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost They tell me your blue skies fade to grey They tell me your passion's gone away And I don't need no carryin' on You stand in the line just to hit a new low You're faking a smile with the coffee to go You tell me your life's been way off line You're falling to pieces everytime And I don't need no carryin' on Cause you had a bad day You're taking one down You sing a sad song just to turn it around You say you don't know You tell me don't lie You work at a smile and you go for a ride You had a bad day The camera don't lie You're coming back down and you really don't mind You had a bad day You had a bad day Well you need a blue sky holiday The point is they laugh at what you say And I don't need no carryin' on You had a bad day You're taking one down You sing a sad song just to turn it around You say you don't know You tell me don't lie You work at a smile and you go for a ride You had a bad day The camera don't lie You're coming back down and you really don't mind You had a bad day Sometimes the system goes on the blink And the whole thing turns out wrong You might not make it back and you know That you could be well oh that strong And I'm not wrong So where is the passion when you need it the most Oh you and I You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost Cause you had a bad day You're taking one down You sing a sad song just to turn it around You say you don't know You tell me don't lie You work at a smile and you go for a ride You had a bad day You've seen what you like And how does it feel for one more time You had a bad day You had a bad day" 6 comments

New Musical Listenings

2006-04-29 11:53:32 ET Check it. Shannon Marsyada

2006-04-28 18:35:01 ET So Alanis Morissette used to be an angry, angry woman...I liked her that way. If today had a track list this would be it: You Oughta Know ~ Alanis Morissette Rock the Cradle of Love ~ Billy Idol Spiderwebs ~ No Doubt I Need a Lover Who Won't Drive Me Crazy ~ John Couger Mellancamp Bad Day ~ Daniel Powter You Oughta Know ~ Alanis Morissette I want you to know, that I'm happy for you I wish nothing but the best for you both An older version of me Is she perverted like me Would she go down on you in a theatre Does she speak eloquently And would she have your baby I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able To make it enough for you to be open wide, no And every time you speak her name Does she know how you told me you'd hold me Until you died, till you died But you're still alive And I'm here to remind you Of the mess you left when you went away It's not fair to deny me Of the cross I bear that you gave to me You, you, you oughta know You seem very well, things look peaceful I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced Are you thinking of me when you fuck her Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able To make it enough for you to be open wide, no And every time you speak her name Does she know how you told me you'd hold me Until you died, til you died But you're still alive And I'm here to remind you Of the mess you left when you went away It's not fair to deny me Of the cross I bear that you gave to me You, you, you oughta know Cause the joke that you laid on the bed that was me And I'm not gonna fade As soon as you close your eyes and you know it And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back I hope you feel it...well can you feel it And I'm here to remind you Of the mess you left when you went away It's not fair to deny me Of the cross I bear that you gave to me You, you, you oughta know Spiderwebs ~ No Doubt You think that we connect That the chemistry’s correct Your words walk right through my ears Presuming I like what I hear And now I’m stuck in the web You’re spinning You got me for your prey... Sorry I’m not home right now I’m walking into spiderwebs So leave a message And I’ll call you back A likely story, but leave a message And I’ll call you back You’re intruding on what’s mine Yeah and you’re taking up my time Don’t have the courage inside me To tell you please let me be Communication, a telephonic invasion I’m planning my escape Sorry I’m not home right now I’m walking into spiderwebs So leave a message And I’ll call you back A likely story, but leave a message And I’ll call you back And it’s all your fault I screen my phone calls No matter who calls I gotta screen my phone calls Now it’s gone too deep (now it’s gone too deep) You wake me in my sleep (wake me in my sleep) My dreams become nightmares (dreams become nightmares) ’cause you’re ringing in my ears (ringing in my) Sorry I’m not home right now I’m walking into spiderwebs So leave a message And I’ll call you back A likely story, but leave a message And I’ll call you back And it’s all your fault I screen my phone calls No matter matter matter matter who calls I gotta screen my phone calls Ooh spiderwebs Leave a message and I’ll call you back I’m walking into spiderwebs So leave a message and I’ll call you back It’s all your fault I screen my phone calls No matter matter matter who calls I gotta screen my phone calls It’s all your fault It’s all your fault No matter who calls No matter who calls I’m walking into spiderwebs So leave a message and I’ll call you back I’m walking into spiderwebs Leave a message and I’ll call you back... Oh it’s all your fault No matter who calls I gotta screen my phone calls It’s all your fault No matter matter matter who calls I screen my phone calls I’m walking into spiderwebs Leave a message and I’ll call you back 1 comment

spring in the city

2006-04-15 09:12:12 ET Spring besets my city There was a time when you loved this place as well as I There was a time when you too appreciated the dirty charm and cracked smiling streets You began to love it because it was part of me. You felt in my veins the cold black diamond dust and you loved it too. Is it only you who can also appreciate the beauty in the sound of passing trailors? The long whistles of my trians are hollow now. We once kicked up dust here in the parking lots we dreamed of a future Spring besets my city but you are still gone. New breezes offer respite from the winter's gales. But the leaves bloom in silence Spring with all its promise bites as hard as winter. 3 comments

Reposting

2006-04-11 16:44:30 ET A repost. Because I promised someone I would. Enjoy. At the museum 2005-02-25 09:48:15 ET At the museum of all things rare and beautiful, Behind the viewing glass, glinting inside the scintillation of compressed anthracite, winking its sleepy eye; mocking relentlessly, crouches a dream; woken from polarization. The shine and circle: a force as gravity Winking in the facets: a home, fidelity, a child. Family Honest, hard work, true monogamy and a pretty white picketed fence. Mayberry never saw it so good. One facet winks strength and another values. A particulary stubborn angle projects religion, morals: A patriarchal family grounded in the faith. Held as Plato's ideal behind the viewing glass A reminder of what used to be Standing with face pressed to glass staring into facets and blinding light Diving into the carbon fills an empty place A woken dream relfected in my eyes; motionless on its velvet pedestal A contemplative hope for the future. 1 comment

you never know

2006-04-02 18:19:56 ET Your passing erupts from me in spastic hiccups. I cannot predict it's fury. I cannot try to hold it back. It comes at the passing of a car or the sound of a song. Last night it came in dreams. My head upon your chest we danced perfectly attuned. I woke in wet pillowcases. I cannot escape this rape even in my sleep. The water in the shower accosted me with memories. Had I known that we would part so soon or ever, I would have kissed you longer there in the rain that day. I would have lingered longer against the Irish backdrop and loitered in the smell of you. Regret.

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