goin to work late.2004-04-12 12:43:31 ET

gah so seeing as how i never finished the conversation with the boi i now have to go to work and see him.

and its goint o be all weird, this is goin to be like this for so long i can tell.

i just wish we could get past eveything and explain to eachother, and let one another kno how we feel. its seems soo simple.

gah i just remebered how he was the last time i saw him, and i hate that its all so messed up, i just want him to hold me and stoke my face again.


grrrr. Xx

ok this is all too fukked up.2004-04-11 13:03:49 ET

talk about weird.

the boi last night approached me, and was all like, ok seriously whut the fukk is going on, i didn't even kno how to react or whut to say.

i didn't even hear the things he said, i was drunk and confused, anyways whut he basically said, was he didnt kno whut the fukk was goin on, and just as i was about to answer him, all his bois came out and were like, lets go inside, he was like no dood chill i am talking here.

so we didnt really talk before more people came out, and of course just as we were getting somewhere it all got interuppted, and he wanted to leave with me, but his bois were like no dood your staying, anyways he went back and forth and finally came with me, then asked why i was mad that he was with some girl the other night, and started stroking my hair and holding my hand, i wanted to push him away and yell at him and tell him that i wont be his fallback girl, or ask him whut it is he wants, if its me as his girlfriend and bitches on the side , thats fukked and so not him,

gah just as we were getting somewhere, he even brought up 2 weeks ago, so its obviously not only bothering me, and i am even more confused now.

i am goin to kill mysef this is too much stress, we need to talk.

i have to see him at work2004-04-09 23:26:21 ET

he will be at work tomoorow.

do i walk by and ignore?

act like NOTHING happened.

grin and bear it.


too sad to comment2004-04-09 15:53:14 ET

well i am pritty sure its finalized and its OVER.

he told me he doesn't "trust" me anymore.

i didn't even kno whut to say all i kno is it all fukked up, becuz of complete lack of communicationm and what not.

oh god this is all so fukked up.

anyways he was so high last night and all over these other girls, and walked away whenever i was near.

i HATE him.

i wish things could have been different. i think we both need to grow up alot and it was just all too strong too fast.

i think i may have come to a decision.2004-04-06 12:23:00 ET

i am goin to talk to him and tell him i am sorry about the weekend.

and that i am goin to stop using.

i have a feeling thats what it all is.

and i have to decide on how to bring it all up.

i really hope i dont relapse.

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