many uses of bread    2003-12-04 18:28:55 ET
have decided to create a secret society. We will be known as the Mystic Order Of Bread. This society will not be started to control forces of power but merely to diminish the rapid growth of stupidity. As a Member of MOOB One would be commissioned to observe those around and when ever stupidity was noticed, the offender would be hit over the head with the loaf of bread. I feel that in extreme cases one may use a box of cheerios. Why, you may ask, would I use such a silly method to combat a disease that rapidly spreading; causing pain and irritation to people all over the world. I understand your confusion. My reasons are:
No one would expect it. If you suddenly got hit in the head with a simple carbohydrate you would be forced to stop and ponder why this has happened. We canít kill the stupid people. All of us have been guilty of moments of stupidity and a nice friendly reminder of bread across the back of the head would have done good to snap us back into reality. The box of Cheerios would hurt slightly and should be used in only extreme cases. I donít want to condition people to finding stupidity painful. They will only, like Pavlovís dogs, respond accordingly to keep themselves form harm. But with the bread method, people will have to start thinking.
12 comments

 Any suggestions?    2003-12-03 18:34:51 ET
So what kind of situation would I have to be involved in to be able to say....
"Wicked men! Cease your antics, or I may be forced to assault you with the U.S. Postal System!"

2 comments

 The email I recieved today.    2003-12-02 22:13:37 ET
"E-mail me if you get bored" she said. The thing that
she didn't know of was Jeff's night time disease. Much
like "Sundowners disease" or Insomnia, his disease
begins creeping in slowly around 7:00 P.M. pacific
time and is in full effect by 9:00 P.M. The disease is
known as E.N.B. or Extreme Night Boredom. There are
far fewer sufferers than people who claim to have the
disease (most of these are mistaken by the fact that
they simply get bored at night), but alas Jeff's was a
proven, incurable case. Of course there are temporary
alieveations, for example; sitting at the airport with
a beautiful woman, or playing Nintendo while listening
to Five Iron Frenzy. But just because a person doesn't
FEEL bored doesn't mean they're not actually bored.The
quandry: how might one know if they're bored or not?
Now for a limited time you can get true results with
the All-New Boredom tester from E.P.T. for only
$19.95. Just use the included syringe to take a few
ounces of blood, put it on the paper strip and within
HOURS you can find out how bored you really are. If
the strip stays white CONGRADULATIONS you're not
bored! If it turns red you may be getting bored. If
the strip turns red then slowly turns a dirty brown
color you may be suffering from E.N.B. and should
consult a physician emediately. If the strip turns
blue, you purchaced the wrong test, but
congradulations anyway, you're pregnant!
2 comments

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