bada boom
2006-01-31 16:04:12 ET

had my tonsils out.
had a anxiety attack.
both set me back.

thats okay.
I am really enjoying organizing with the ISO. I am so glad I found an organization. No, I am so glad I found this organization. So much undirected and unorganized anger now has a place to be directed.
I like running into people on the bus who want the paper. I like running into people all over who I can have cohesive conversations with about politics and the current state of the world.
I am very inspired by Hamas right now.
My classes are great.
My family is great.
My friends are great.

to do-
keep updating this journal
find a therapist/learning disability coach
bleach roots
organize sw sales and send in money
read black liberation and socialism
read sw
ask for help
accept said help

yes. so yes.

sexual endeavors-
I have a retardedly huge crush on my co-worker shannon. It would be so nice to kiss her more. I would enjoy dating her and maybe even having a relationship with her. Relationship is really relative to the situation. I guess I would like to be closer to her and experience intamacy with her sexualy. That's sounds cheesy, but it's true. oh women, they make me want to love them.

fuck you, asshole
2005-12-02 13:37:28 ET

havn't been around for a while, I know, I need a anonymous place to rant

how can you feel proud and empty at the same time.
you have acheived in giving up on one of the only things that for a little while contributed to your happiness.
it still does.
yet, its painful with it
and now you know that it will be painful without.
instead of resentment, anger and distrust
you ache to be touched


any relationship (open or otherwise)
that I build can not be the one I just tossed out.
This would be true of any relationship
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck


its all so stupid.
The minute you stop fucking someone for ignoring that they are a womanizer, you know the next man you fuck will be ten times worse.
women hardly ever come around. most think their straight or taht old fucking wisdom of "you can never trust a bisexual" bullshit
so why is this worth giving up.
I am not even sure anymore
I think I may be missing the point.

I will be friends with him, I am sure our friendship will rebuild itself(with our help of course)
It fucking kills me how much he's copped out.
he's better than that
to just dimiss this as toxic
because he "actually started to believe I was doing something wrong, that I was a womanizer."
well shit guys, I wonder why that is.
It was toxic for me based on that exact reason.
being that makes it difficult for a young man to have an open relationship responsibly.

god damn.
I'm not going anywhere and he's not going anywhere.
I have an emotional attachment to fucking him.
isn't that quaint.
I guess this is the part of the "love triangle" that I never wanted to see

and according to that we had romantic.
which fucking sucks

a wise(okay she's not wise, she is ridiculous) friend of mine once said
Romance is poison.
and that is exactly why we needed to stop having sex.
that sucks.

2005-11-16 14:46:02 ET

at work today this dumpy white woman came in wearing an NAACP t-shirt.
My immediate thought was "I thought that stood for the national aassociation for the advancment of colored people?"
She was also reading a book.
It was about three young black men who lived in the ghetto's in New Jersey and made it out as doctors.
They all made a pact in high school to become doctors. and they did it.
True Story.
See capitalism isn't so bad!
Some of you get to make against all the odds!

What the weirdest past is that she didn't look like she was living a rich lifestyle to any extent, yet she seemed wrapped up in someone elses identity politics and petty bourgeousie idealism?

this is a strange world.

I guess its pretty awesome she feels welcome to wear that t-shirt.
I wish this topic was less touchy and better for everyone.

on that note

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