all you need
2005-06-14 22:59:18 ET

oh subkutures....
the only place I can submit my diary type thoughts to the internet without the worry of someone finding it and getting weird.
copied from lj(tacky i know)
I feel disconnected and defeated for so many different reasons
things I felt just two weeks ago are not there now for whatever reasons
people are simple mamals, so how do we make things so difficult for each other?
is any one person capable of being honest to those they "care" about or even themselves?
delusion is a much more content place than the truth I suppose.
My 19th is coming up, yet I feel as though I am turning thirty.
The passion and lust that I want to be feeling is muted by reason and caution.
Perhaps I am all wrong and it just feels this way now, waiting it out is for the best
or cutting it off now will prevent the disease from spreading.
wish I knew how to tell someone I deeply fond of that I do not want to see them for a while, maybe a year or two so I can continue with what I had planned for myself.
selfish, maybe.
on a non angsty romance note
I am enjoying reading lenin make fun of liberals of the early 20th century, they have so much in common with the lazy liberals of today.
my account balance in now positive after much scrambling and soon I will have a rectangular piece of plastic to deepen my debt to those much more well off than myself.
being a student I can have no or even bad credit and still get one.
Imagine that!

new to this!
I don't want to love him, I don't want to like him
I do
and that is what kills me

officially I am sleeping with two men, and I feel a bit like juggling
they know, but I still have to be balanced...

huh, imagine..
2005-05-31 13:51:59 ET

Now that I am dropping off the internet radar I am picking up the slack and joining more and more web communities...
tsk tsk

Done with my first semester of college and as expecected it went terribly.
I am midst the beginning of a tri-relationship friendship that is getting more interesting/fucked by the moment.
ah polyamory, how confusing you are.
I will be driving cross country with these two people come june 22nd.. so maybe something will be worked out by then. I am guessing not. It will make for interesting road trip or we'll all hate each other by the end.
I was having disturbing dreams and now they have tapered off, or I am remembering them less. either one is fine with me as long as I don't continue to have them.
2005-04-18 22:18:56 ET

Reply with your name and I'll tell you something I think is rad about you.

Afterwards, copy and paste this into your own journal.

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