fiction press2004-12-06 14:04:19 ET, im assuming that its a great place for me to post my poems, just assuming it right now bc i cant do anything on it for 2 more days. ::sigh:: now what am i supposed to do? redo my page here or something? ::sigh::
klemmy has an account there and now i do too, direct link to my page there(although i have nothing posted yet because there is a 3day waiting period, bummer, im counting the days til thursday... 1) crystaltearsbycrystalfears i cant wait to get something up there. i think ill go all out and put all of my "black book poems" up there. ive got a little over 100 in this little black book. and they are all of the depressed little me i used to be.
klemmys link is on his page and now its on mine too... see> Will Klemm
hes a good poet yall should check him out.
and then yall should try and tune into his radio show on sunday nights. its hilarious. check his page for the info and addresses and shit like that cause im not sure klemmy's page of info and stuff lol thats funny too.
have fun yall. much love.

helping friends heal2004-12-06 11:49:55 ET

Cutting is a serious problem among people these days, its an addiction. i know because i too was once addicted to cutting. im afraid tht if i cut again i may slip back into my old ways. my old ways were that i would dwell on things, not just think about it i would let it consume me completely, and then i would cut. i would obsess and bitch about everything. i didnt care about anything because i hated myself and i hated myself because i thought it was my fault that i was taken from my mom and my sister was taken from me, and i thought i was at fault for being molested by someone i trusted and someone that i had believed to care about me. but these things were not my fault. cutting. that was my fault, drugs were my fault, being a bitch and not caring was my fault. carrying on like i was the only thing that mattered was my fault. being a horrible person, rude, immature, nasty to everyone. that was also my fault. there were alot of things that were my fault but the things that i blamed myself for were the things that were not my fault.. i had blamed everyone else for the tings that were my fault and blamed myself for the things that were not my fault... that was my insanity.. now i figure, if i cant explain logically why its my fault, then its not my fault. this goes for you as well, if you cant explain to others why its your fault, then its not your fault. its that simple.
cutting is not just a habit, its a curse you bring upon yourself, and a curse you must lift off yourself. my advice is to remove temptation. give someone your knives, anything you use to cut yourself with, give it to a friend and ask them to keep it for a while.. i think a month or two is ok. or until you get the correct medicine, and you are a stable minded person and no longer feel the urge to cut... if you keep all the knives and everything then you are more likely to continue cutting.. i proved that right a year or two ago when i came home from the hospital and kept a single blade. i went back in patient the next week. i had cuts all up and down my arms. and all of that just because i went home. it doesnt matter how much you seem normal or how much you act like you dont care, or how ok you seem... you wont be ok until you are ready to live life to the fullest and you actually look forward to waking up and breathing, and you look forward to living... im at that point and i can help you get there too if you ask... i am full of advice and i have a history with many things so im good for it.. i can only hold your hand though, you have to do the rest.
if you read this and you want to or a trying to help a friend who is dealing with cutting, please post here.
and if you are a friend who is dealing with this addiction yourself and wish for some help post here and i hope you get responses. because you matter.

2004-12-05 14:36:21 ET

Fear is strong and i am weak.
what to do when it comes forth?
it consumes and leaves no room for anything else.
What to do when strength dies?
I fall to pieces as panic strikes.
panic strikes me in my core, in my brain and in my soul.
cant even move, frozen with fear...

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