Wise Man Say...
2003-03-16 01:48:52 ET

You'd never take advice on winning a boxing match from a boxer who'd lost all of their matches...

So you should never take advice on happiness from someone who is perpetually miserable...

And don't take financial advice from someone who is perpetually broke.
1 comment

2003-03-13 06:26:34 ET

I went to the Irish consulate yesterday up in midtown to drop off my passport application. They've got me trained pretty well now to have absolutely every bit of documentation they require. I saw a couple people there making the same mistakes I did when they were filling out the same paperwork. Short-form birth certificates, not having the third-party signoff, they're pretty strict.

That's lots of fun.

Horny Alert
2003-03-11 15:08:56 ET

If I don't get laid, the terrorists have already won. I'm sure you've heard that one before, ladies, but this time, it's true.

I tend not to make fun of the right in the context of being in the left, because well, it's the Bob Saggat of this realm. It's easy, it's guaranteed to offend nobody worth offending, and well, it's easy. So I choose to make fun of my own kind, and usually myself, instead. That's lots more fun.

But this one, I couldn't resist. So alert level "Aching" folks, and pass me them Wang Fries, er French, er, Freedom Fries.

Horny Alert.
1 comment

On Porn
2003-03-09 19:57:30 ET

Speaking of how guys usually want a girl to be virginal out of respect to the guy, I was watching this porn and it was the funniest thing I'd ever seen.

First off, it was amateur. I prefer amateur, because usually the girls look real (rather than faked tits, teased fake blond hair, hairy-assed guy with hairy balls bouncing up and down). Anyway, it was a gang-bang type thing... bascially four guys fucked this girl one after the other, and came on her face. The whole video clip (downloaded from the internet) lasted only about 4 minutes. I know, how romantic.

Anyway, when they finished, her face a mess (and a huge grin on her face too, you could tell she was getting off on it), they asked her "is there anyone you want to dedicate this to?"

To which she giggled, and then replied "Paul".

"Who's Paul?" They asked, laughing, probably not expecting her to have answered.

"My ex-boyfriend."

Then they cut to her face again, covered in jizz, and she said to the camera: "Hi Paul, I don't love you anymore."

That's got to be the best diss I've ever seen. I mean, how can you out-do a gang bang dedication diss?

Unsolicted Phone Calls
2003-03-09 11:35:06 ET

Unsolicted Phone Call.

I'm sure some people think I'm just making this shit up, but I assure you, most of it is based on truth.

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