All with ends itself2004-01-21 06:57:17 ET

If you get the chance, check out The Rusted Machine by Godspeed You Black Emperor. It's one of the most beautiful songs i've ever heard.

So onto life...

Things are getting close. All things, to a halt.
I remind myself I am almost done with something terrible.
I also remind myself that, yes, I am way too nice, all the time.
And this, is coming to a halt, for a bit anyway.
I have basically a month to figure out where i'm going, but at the same time, I want to keep my job.
This, is a dilemma.
Saturday, I will attend a friends birthday party, and be reacquainted with old die-hard habits, but it will be fun in the process, considering after then I won't see her again for about two weeks.
A friend asked me if I could stay with her for two weeks while her guy goes out of town for that period of time.
Me and my nice self, said yes. Damned.
My destination won't be west, mind you.
But I have a week to figure out where that place is.
Nice.
Work, is going better. And I have that "crackhead" energy they want.
Wish me luck on being able to transfer.
And, wish me luck on being able to transfer after two weeks.
Other than that, Bush is a fuck up. And he is making this already declined country even worse.

As for all else, that, will come at a later date.
au revoir,
-Zoe Rants.
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the beauty of nothing to update on.2004-01-21 04:16:30 ET

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2004-01-16 01:46:45 ET

And for a splitting moment, she realized where she had gone. And that there was no turning back.
Black peel walls full of old partially burnt photographs remind her of an attempted house fire four years ago.
The faces, the smiles of those who had a part in trashing some counter cultured life style.
The smell of decayed birds, a cat couldn't accomplish this.
And then a ring, so loud she covers her ears.
And then awake becomes a known word.
But is this reality or some partial dream again.
if only i knew

2004-01-14 14:20:18 ET

breathe, release.
in and out.
back and forth.
up and down.
around and around.
vertigo.
vertigo.
life can't be this sound.

Refrain2004-01-14 12:14:10 ET

Control, circumstance is the fall of all that should be.
I refrain, from seeing the truth, because its all incased in lies.
Eyes open, they see nothing but blank life, or how everything could be,
Time, escapes whatís left of reality, and I remember days that no longer exist.
When happiness was reached by drowning in bottles, by looking at a face, laughing, talking.
And now, none seems more real than the reality Iíve grown accustomed to, where work,
Travel and new bodies became.
Iíve trusted my own judgment, and wondered if it was at all the right thing to do.
And now, a thousand miles away from bliss, I get ready to recover all that I know,
And do it all again.
Sometimes, none of this is enough, new scenery gets old, and I escape.
Wondering what new tragedy befalls me.
But in the end its all worth it, because it gives life some kind of substance.
Iím just wondering when all of this is over, when it could be my turn to finally reach that point.
Curiosity and need.
And need.

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