all apologies    2003-01-03 15:55:05 ET
i would like to apologize to everyone for not being able to make it out to dinner tonight:: i am being kept at work @ blockbuster... i need the $$$ if youve tried to call my cell phone you know that... i'm at a cyber cafe next door to the video store but i only have 10 min. left on my break... addict much?

have fun, i'll be around later, dok i promise i'll give your palm pilot back. besides, i cant beat your drug wars high score. i give up.

also if someone could please reassure me that im not gonna be hated on for the drama floating around that would be nice. i find it incredibly impossible to pick between friends, like when my parents asked me to pick a favorite i usually just gave them a blank look and then cried.


 HAX0R ALERT    2003-01-01 19:28:10 ET
i hax0red dbd


 kisses and chaos    2003-01-01 16:42:46 ET
The last thing I remember is the countdown. Chaos, friends, music, and a boy. When my consciousness floated to the surface this morning I found they had drawn on me (the first one passed out gets it). Someone had also taken off my twenty eye boots (my friends routinely alternate between love and cruelty)

Shards of memory return to me like strangers. Chocolate candy, vanilla vodka and a bottle that spins like my head does now. A metaphor, discarded, and a chart (you can't lie to me, i'm the historian). A forgiveness and a resolution. The end of an era. A playlist set to random, a bottle set to random, a life set to random. Theoretically.

But the bottle was biased, the radio rigged and the dj was drunk . A previous discussion of coincidences rings through my head, and another stolen moment from earlier returns to me, fingers gripping steel cage, a hundred feet above the city on the williamsburg bridge, precariously balanced, we are oblivious to the trains snaking beneath us, or the dim roar of the traffic that winds like a glowing river of red and white in the twilight.

Not bad for the end of the year. Kiss it goodbye with the people who have loved you and infuriated you and kept you alive, drawn a reaction, drawn you in.

things i blacked out and dont remember: storm pouring hot wax on bio's boy-tummy, tequila, apparently i went in the bathroom and did whippets. I havent dont whippets since being a floridian raver. Being drawn on while unconscious. Small details completely omitted by my brain for no reason.i almost didnt remember that anything at all happened yesterday. i am certain that i am engaged in brain ccell genocide on a massive scale. i really am Leonard from Memento.

     2002-12-31 19:26:12 ET


 new years resolution    2002-12-29 11:57:44 ET

(Biomechanic here assures me that i can't quit:: I'm fired.)

no more. any time spent horsing around will now be spent being productive. and i get to find out who my real friends are.

Day 7 of no alcohol has spoken:

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