2003-03-31 23:58:50 ET
Whelp, today turned out to be slightly unproductive, but good, anyway.

I called a cosmetology school today. Turns out they're more of an apprenticeship program. Which is awesome, cuz I don't have to pay 10k to go there. I'm still researching it, but it would be awesome if it checked out.

Loki and I went to go talk to the people at the computer store where we bought our router. They gave us a suggestion that obviously worked, so YAY! After that, we went to this really neat store called Pkarash Enterprises, which is a retail/wholesale store. Very neat stuff. Loki bought me an early bday present, which is a 16" dragon...she's so pretty!! :]

From there, we headed to our local indian restaurant and had mucho good food...and then...ZELDA!! Muahaha!

And now bed :P

     2003-03-31 21:54:08 ET
1 comment

     2003-03-31 11:35:33 ET
I forgot to get up...Wel...kinda...I was starting to get tired at aroun 6am, so I laid down to take a nap...and i didnt get up when my alarm went off...stupid, stupid...god dammit...fuck me sideways with a running chainsaw, I'm fired.

The phone keeps fucking ringing, and it's really annoying. I got it once, and it was Dylan's mom...I assume, she's been calling for him. It's annoying cuz our answering machine is broken, so I can't screen calls anymore.

ACK IM SO ANNOYED WITH MYSELF!!! GRRRRRR...I suck...and i think loki will be annoyed with me as well...but we shall see...(he's still asleep)

     2003-03-31 01:20:56 ET
cant sleep...spiders will eat me, can't sleep...spiders will eat me...

Ok, maybe not. I'm having a bout of insomnia tonight, dammit.

There was a big reddish spider wandering aroundon my wall earlier, and i can't see him anymore...I'm hoping he went back into the closet, where I'm sure he came from...just as long as he stays off of my clothes, I don't really care if he's in there...need a new place that's bigger and doesn't have as many spiders. That's one thing that sucks about living in a converted garage. If they'd stay out of my stuff, I'd have no problem with them, but they like my stuff. Bastards...they should get their own stuff, dammit.

Grrr...I thought I was becomming ok with them...but they disappeared during the winter, and now that it's warm again, they're coming back, and I'm not used to arachnid co-habitation anymore...damn, damn, double damn. Daddy long-legs are ok...the other ones suck...a lot.

ok...dwelling on it really isn't helping. Just giving me the heebie-jeebies. Gotta go think about something else...yeah...like...SNOW DOGS! Gonna go watch snow dogs...and forget about those eight legged creatures that disgust me so thouroughly.

     2003-03-30 21:39:45 ET
I feel marginally unproductive today, although I got a lot of math HW done, and managed to get some relaxin' in, too.

Was sposed to kiznick it with the mel, but she is MIA. Tried callin' her twice friday, twice yesturday and once today. Nada. I assume she had other things weighing on her mind, but I was still bummed.

I'm in a very hopeless frame of mind today. Like nothing I'm doing in school matters. Just deferring a loan...jeeze. I don't really feel that all this stress is worthwhile at all. Yeah, it gives me something so that I can pretend I'm being productive, but I don't really need to be there. Except to make sure I dont have to pay back my financial aid.

Part of me is sayin, "Shan, stop fuckin' around and get to cosmetology school already!" but another part is sayin, "What if being a cosmetologist isn't as great as I think it will be? What if I don't belong there?" I know I have a gift with hair and makeup, and I know I'm talented artistically, but I can't decide what would make me happy. Will I really be happy owning a salon? Sure, it'll be fun for a little while, and I can see myself doing that for a long time...but I don't know if that's where I want to be. GRAHHH...and the alternative is to do movie makeup exclusively and give up on the salon thing, but then I want to go to beauty school anyways to get the education.

ACK...so frustrated. I have to go be busy tomorrow doing things that mean almost nothing to me, now. Yeah, I want to learn ASL, because I want to be able to communicate with my mom in the event that she loses all of her hearing. But she went and got her annual hearing test done, and she didn't lose any at all this past year. I'm hopeful that it will stay that way, and if it does, my time in ASL will have been wasted. It's a good language to know, I guess, but I have no interest, really in learning it unless I will need it. guh...i think this is just because I'm so far behind I don't want to go back, just wanna say "fuck it" and take it again some other time, but if I do that, I'll lose my units and have to pay back some financial aid, which I can't afford to do since I paid off a couple months of rent with it.

Anyhow. I don't know, anymore. Dylan was just in here a second ago and he made me feel better. I know that if I leap and fall, he'll be there to catch me, and if I'm too afraid to leap, I'll never learn how to fly.

Well, I guess I'd better get to bed if I'm going to be useful at all in ASL tomorrow. I hope they haven't jumped ahead too far...apparently the teacher has been sick, so I don't know if the other lady stood in for her or if they cancelled class. We shall see.

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