give me a break    2005-06-11 18:12:12 ET
Finally Iím out of school, well, not exactly, still on Monday I have to go for the results of some exams, but Iíll take one class to advance as summer courses, so Iíll keep going only for that class for 5 weeks from 11:00am to 1:00pm, from Monday to Saturday; but other than that Iím out of classes, so Iíll have plenty of time to finally dedicate more to music, practicing, reading about harmony and counterpoint, and dedicate more to drawing again.

Now, speaking of music, the goddamn A string just started to tear out some, which is fucking annoying, I just changed it about 2 months ago, they wear out to fast or what? I donít understand! I lasted 2 years with the Pirastro, and then almost everyone recommended me to use Thomastik because they said these were better and had better sound and cost the same, so I bought them and at barely 2 months since then the D string was wore out, then 1 month later the A string, now almost 2 months later, again the fucking A string. It isnít totally torn out now, I can still play with it, but fuck, it will be tear out in any sooner or later. Even though these Thomastik ones do have a slightly wider sound Iím starting to think of changing back to the Pirastro ones.

 Again here.    2005-05-28 21:16:18 ET
I havenít updated here since some time, quite long. Itís just that I kind of felt like taking breaks of several things, and sometimes itís just because I donít have much to say.

Iím almost out of classes in school, just some exams more for one or maybe two weeks more. Iím in risky to flunk one class (digital systems I), but Iíve somehow become apathetic to it, Iím not sure if either caring about it and try to rescue that class and study hard for the last exams or just give a shit to flunk it an take it again on next semester.

I donít have much to say for now, other than why the heck do I occur me best ideas or thoughts only when Iím in the shower? Blah, I donít know, whatever.

 Rue    2005-05-10 19:35:35 ET
Iím recovered from the sickness I had and that I talked about in the last entry. So I donít suffer from physical complaints anymore, just the usual mental problems of daily apathy and depressions. Itís just so annoying when someone you dislike invades places you like (about music stuff).

Iíve been having Ėagain, for the 100th time- weird thoughts, yet focused on my reality. What if I start cutting myself, but harder this time, I wonít deny my occasionally intents of masochism, may haps as a chance to distract the mental pain and cloak it with something physical, heh, no wonder I like watching at knifes or blades.

The same rant, I guess all of my entries are about the same shit, whatever, I canít help it, I wish I could say Iím so blissfully happy with my social life like most members of this site. Iím not blaming anyone or saying itís wrong to be like that, itís just that... well, many members I started to get a long well in here have either gone away or quit posting anything. What happened to Moonglow? She seemed to be the very only one who really understood me in here and she left, as well as other ex-members that I read their journals have gone. Maybe I should go too, I donít know, I definitely donít fit anywhere.

 immunity deficit    2005-05-05 19:42:31 ET
Like I said on the last entry, I did some physical activities that I regret for not being in a good condition; I ended really tired and because of my desperation I drank a lot of cold water which was a terrible mistake, Iím paying consequences with my health now. I think I got a cold or a flue or something, because since Tuesday I started having a hard headache, throat ache and some temperature, I took two aspirins and for Wednesday I was feeling better, the headache lowered a lot and it seemed to be only the throat that was molesting me, then today Thursday the headache stroke back and this time including a lot of nasal fluids, and sneezing almost every half hour, and since Iíve always had the problem of sinusitis it became a true pain in the ass, even my eyes hurt by just moving the eyeballs for looking up, it was an evil headache, it sort affected all my body, I felt really weak, I felt like any bone could break easily or just faint anywhere.
So some hours ago I took two aspirins and went straight to bed at about 9pm, after almost an hour of sleep, about 10:30pm my mom wakes me up to give the refreshing bad news that someone broke the window of the car and stole the stereo, just in front of our house (just crossing the street), fortunately the aspirins did some effect and stood up with almost not headache, called the police to report it, they came and started to fill the report and asking near people if they saw anything and such. Iíll have to go check about fixing the window of the car tomorrow. I hope whomever stole it rot in hell, it only had 5 months since I bought it, and they had to choose specifically this week that Iím feeling like shit.
The nasal fluids are returning to shit me off, I better go to sleep before the headache comes back too.

 Ever danced with the devil by the pale moolight?    2005-05-01 19:36:34 ET
I hadnít posted here since too long, I guess because of the same shit, Iím either tired, I donít know what to write about, Iím even pathetic writing my stuff, etc. Whatever, Iím not very sure how Iím doing at school. In some subjects Iím doing horribly bad, in others just not so much.
Finally I started drawing again. Last week I started emailing a girl who also plays violin and used to be in the same amateur orchestra thing Iím in until she realized how horribly fucked up things are here, about two years ago. I stared contacting her for asking other options to study violin in other places too, since sheís now with a pro in particular classes. I donít have enough money to have particular classes because for much I like to play Iíd be reduce to consider it just a hobby, fuck. I do wish I could some day play professionally in one orchestra. So, as I was saying, this girl seems to have some interest in gothic stuff too, so I asked her a photo to draw her and she agreed, thus I made a drawing of her. I didnít end up really like I expected but she said it was nice. [studies, her, her hand]

Yesterday, some guys from the young orchestra invited me to go play soccer with them. The Result: Worst Idea EVER! I had like 5 or 6 years without doing anything of sport or physical activities, I didnít lest but 10 minutes and I was almost dead, I had huge troubles breathing. Iím such a sag of shit, Iím totally incapacitated for sports activities. That was just plain stupid. Me and my retarded idea of trying to be nice and socialize with these kids, fuck, was that really stupid, I fucking hate myself.

Well, maybe next weekend I get to Ďsocializeí but now with guys from school who at least are my age, and by socialize I only mean to hear some noisy music and get drunk. Oh Ave Satani.

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