| Whatever. 2005-03-24 22:34:08 ET
Well, Iíve been quite slacker lately. No rehearsals until Monday, but Iíll keep practicing home, there are some really difficult parts I need to work on.|
Iíve also been reading more on harmony and counterpoint. Just for my amusement. I might learn to compose something more seriously.
Tomorrow starts the trilogy of The Godfather on A&E. I must not miss it.
I promised my self Iíd start to draw again. I just wish to know when... enough of procrastinating! I must start doing something tomorrow.
| break it 2005-03-19 11:32:07 ET
Vacations, finally, itís the few times I was really waiting to get out of school to vacations because I was really getting sick of many exams, lab practices, reports and such, I was somehow like Ďalternate current, I started bad, then I was doing well, then again going really bad, almost in all subjects, fuck, Iím such a failure. So, I have to weeks of break from school. Iíll dedicate some to music, some to drawing (again) and some to reread some stuff that I didnít understand from school.|
A while ago I had some discussion with my mother, fuck, it really pissed me the fuck off like hell, fortunately Iím not too extroverted to do something mad or I was about to break something, fuck, why to people have to behave like fucks sometime? Bitchass, I fucking wish I could go away really far and let go stuff like this behind.
Well, fuck, Iím still sort of annoyed to keep writing.
| Why am I here? I don't fit anywhere. 2005-03-12 22:37:33 ET
Iím a student, Iím always craving to learn something I like.
Iím constantly depressed, or Iím either way apathetic.
I donít find amusing many things most of people do.
I normally wear black clothes.
I donít believe in god or any religion.
Iím not attractive, Iím not amusing, I donít know how to please someone or how to make someone like me.
I donít have any really close friends; I donít have enemies either really.
I normally like music most of people donít know much of.
I think Iím agoraphobic; I really start to get obnoxious around a crowd.
Iím not very attached to animals, I donít find amusing having pets. Only once started to like a cat but thatís all.
Iíve wished death to some people and donít regret it.
I wish I had a partner... Iím terribly shy, and boring; I never know what to say.
Iím constantly indecisive, always answering back ďI donít knowĒ.
I donít like watching my face.
I donít like patriotism itís ridiculous to be judged by your nationality.
I found really stupid being vegetarian by the sole reason because ďitís bad eating animalsĒ.
Iím such a dreamer, always imaging stuff, imaging that I was successful at something.
I like mathematics, drawing, painting, music.
Iím such a fool. I canít speak to a girl without getting nervous. Iím so shy, stupid, boring or either someone else gets in the way.
I might have a romanticist, noble, gentle personality sometimes, and others Iím a cheap vulgar coldhearted insane scumbag.
Iím always afraid of saying something wrong or afraid of hurting someone, mainly that's why I'm so quiet and shy.
I donít believe in any supernatural bullshit or spirituality stuff.
Sometimes I wish I died right way, sometimes I wish I could live long just to keep learning more stuff.
Iím fucking tired; as by described above I donít have much qualities to be liked for.
| think of something else 2005-03-01 19:27:49 ET
It seems as if I only intended to write here once a week, but itís mainly because Iím busy doing a lot of works and homework for school. I thought this semester wasnít going to be that heavy... well wrong; Labs in all subjects, thus a lot of lab practices and reports, damn reports.|
Today I had an exam in which I think I did well, but I'm, always prepared for disgraces, yet I think I did well on this one. By the other hand, tomorrow is another exam of another subject which I should be studying right now, but I'm either feeling misarable and procrastinating while listening music, or I'm already resigning (by one reason we call this profesor the "knife"). ah.. fuck it.
Other than that, sometimes it is me who just donít know what to write about. I guess Iím a man of few words. Really, I just never know what to talk about.
Why is it that the best ideas come to me when Iím in the shower? Damn it.
| huh 2005-02-21 20:01:46 ET
Itís been long since didnít show up here. Itís just that sometimes Iím too busy, others Iím not in the mood or too tired, apathy mostly, maybe depressed too, whatever the pessimist mood it may be.|
I donít feel like Iím doing very well at school, itís my fault I know; maybe Iím not made to completely be an engineer. While there are some subject I do enjoy and like learning more about its math equations, there are some other that I donít understand quite well, and also some teacher, yes, I admit on saying that every time bad teachers like them give horrible classes I fucking wish they died in front of me, bah, I know youíre not supposed to wish someoneís death, but heh Iím a fuck up, Iíve wished deaths and so much anger since long ago so I donít care.
It does amazes me that just two days ago I was told that another cousin is going to be a dad; he got pregnant his girlfriend. Damn heís just 18 years old. About 2 or 3 years ago another cousin also did the same and had to marry at his 18 years old. Now this other cousin, also at the same age, we donít know yet if heís getting marry or what. It amazes me, how just about 2 years ago I still used to go to his house to play videogames, and now heís going to be a father; how quick they grow up.
Damn shaving razors, itís easier to get cut when you donít want to. Hah.