2007-03-02 20:02:49 ET
Today I made an honest attempt to eat my tongue. It was gnawing away at a burrito when my tongue went where I thought a piece of meat was. I suppose I could say I bit it, but that implies the possibility of restraint. I attacked it with the enthusiasm appropriate for a hungry man to unleash on a burrito. So yeah, it hurts like hell now. Ouch.

Also, the only good video store in the area is gone. Granted, I Netflix most of my movies these days, but that was a brick and mortar store that I did my best to support, and it was better than anything outside of Santa Monica. I admit I actually shriekd when I saw the empty, fence-enclosed pit where my beloved video place was. I also considered buying a bouquet of roses and laying them where its doorstep was. (You think I'm kidding.) I lost my Rock & Rule virginity to this place! This place introduced me to The Abominable Dr. Phibes! This was the only place I know that carried the entirety of the Something Weird video catalogue! And it's just gone!?

There is no justice in this world. Seriously.

     2007-02-22 21:02:34 ET
Go placidly amidst the noise and waste, and remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.

Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep.

Rotate your tires.

Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself, and heed well there advise even though they be turkeys.

Know what to kiss, and when.

Consider that two wrongs never make a right, but that three do.

Wherever possible, put people on hold.

Be comforted that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment, and despite the changing fortunes of time, there is always a big future in computer maintenance.

Remember the Pueblo.

Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle, and mutilate.

Know yourself. If you need help, call the FBI.

Exercise caution in your daily affairs, especially with those persons closest to you. That lemon on your left, for instance.

Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls would scarcely get your feet wet. Fall not in love, therefore; it will stick to your face.

Gracefully surrender the things of youth -- birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan -- and let not the sands of time get in your lunch.

Hire people with hooks.

For a good time, call 606-4311. Ask for Ken.

Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting enough cheese, and reflect that, whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Milwaukee.

You are a fluke of the universe. You have no right to be here, and, whether you can hear it or not, the universe is laughing behind your back.

Therefore, make peace with your God, whatever you conceive Him to be: hairy thunderer or cosmic muffin.

With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal, the world continues to deteriorate.

Give up.

--Deteriorata, National Lampoon
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     2007-02-20 13:45:17 ET
So here I am in the school computer lab. I have a paper due in about an hour and fifteen minutes. Allowing time for printing and running it over to the teacher's office, that leaves me around an hour. And here I am on SK. I'm the King of Procrastination.
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     2007-02-17 15:44:00 ET
I assure you all I'm still alive. Busy even. Yet nothing seems worth commenting on.

     2007-02-02 14:42:59 ET
I noticed today, perhaps for the first time, that one of the children's books we carry had a blurb on its cover advertising "14 stories! 8 rhymes!" What exactly do they mean by "rhyme?" I doubt they just have 8 rhyming couplets in there. Maybe it's some sort of poem. Then why not just say "8 poems?" Possibly they thought the word was a little too lofty for what they were doing. So, what then, some sort of nursery rhyme kinda thing? I guess nursery rhymes tend to be traditional and usually based on 17-century political humor. It would be awfully presumptuous to just right something down and call it a nursery rhyme. So they're left with no better word for it than just "rhyme?" What about "doggerel?" We have these great words; why not use them? "Hey kids! Now with doggerel!"

Oh, and happy Groundhog Candlemas.
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