Inside Confession2002-09-30 17:41:16 ET

I can't handle this shit from you anymore
Your a disease without a cure
Your infesting my head with bullshit
I'm know I'm the outcast, just a misfit
You say I'm worhtless
I must confess,
You must be really fucked up
For raisind me in this shit ,in this dump
You this it hurts me to call me those names
Well the numbness came
I don't feel a thing
You're to blame
You're the reason I was put in the psych-ward
You're the reason I thought of hanging myself with that cord
You're the reason I cut my wrist
I couldn't take anymore of your fuckin shit
You think I did it for attention
I did it to release the tension
Do you know how it feels to want to take your own life?
I think not,I wanted to take mine with a kitchen knife
If you knew what it was like you wouldn't act how you do
I fuckin hate you two
The scars on my body are a result of your abuse
I'm not telling you anymore, I refuse
To be the one always hurting, always crying
You're full of shit and always lying
I'll never tell you any of this because you don't deserve to know
I'll just cut myself and let the blood flow
But not anymore not for you!
You're a waste of my time,nothing you say is true
I know this because someones opened my mind
They found feelings that I had thought I had lost in time
They opened my heart, opened me up and found me lost inside
Made me see that I was blind
Showed me true love and gave me hope
Helped me out and helped me cope
I don't need you anymore
You're just an ignorant bore
I'm in love and I think I'll do just fine
He loves me and trys to help me put all of that behind..


2002-09-30 06:50:58 ET

When the the night
and the land is dark
and the moon is the only light we'll see
Well I won't be afraid
no I wond be a fraid
Just aslong as you stand
stand by be..
So darlin darling stand
stand by me
just as long as you stand stand by me
When the sky we look upon tumbles and falls
And the mountian crumbles to the sea
I won't cry no I won't shed a tear just as long as you stand by me..

the chair......2002-09-29 17:36:44 ET

its amazing how many different positions you can have sex in in a chair......

yea, drama filled weekend...2002-09-29 07:41:44 ET

brought to you by the the letters Fucking Loser .....

Yeah, so I'm back from Hyndman, got back this morning around 10:30/11am. Krystal brought me home, I think shes alittle mad at me. I will explain in a moment......

Friday Krystals and AJ got me around 4:30,We went to BK tto eat,went to the mall,drop off our applecations for Walden Books,we came to my house so I could get my medicine,we went to get cigarettes,back to Hyndman,Krystal dropped me an AJ off at his house,Him and I walked around, talked and smoked a cigarette or 2,went back to his house,went to his room in the garage, Hung out, talked,watch a Robin Williams comedy thing,we made out a bit,that went to ____ ___ (fill in blanks),we sat and finished watching it, AJ fell asleep on me,I accidently woke him up when I went to sit down after turning off the tv,we went outside an smoke a cig,then we went to bed.

Saturday I woke him up at 10, we ate breakfast. sat in his room and talked, tried to call krystal,she wasen't home, so we walked around and smoked a cig,went back to his house and talked some more, made out, _____ (fill in blank), went for Krystal agian, found her,she was going to be awhile, Went to Tonys with AJ,Watched them skateboard while I smoked a cigarette and tried to get all the knotts out of my hair,Krystal came alittle while later,Her and I went to Bedford to see her mom at work,Got back around 8,Went to brians, AJ was there,I got horrible pains, so AJ and I walked to his house so I could talk and relax a bit,Krystal came,dropped of my shit ( I was suppose to stay at her house),she left. AJ tried to make me make a decision on where I was staying that night, couldn't chose ,wanted to do both, started flipping out, he made a decision for me, took about 2-2 1/2 hours to calm me, when calm talk, joked around to get me in better mood, went in his room, talked somemore,relaxed, listened to some music, made out, _____ (fill in blank with 3 letter word) __ (fill in blank with #), then talked, smoked,talked , smoked, relaxed, smoked, went in house, went to bed.

Today,aj woke me up at 9/9:30, ate breakfast, Krystal came at 10 to pick me up, we talked, she said shes not mad, I see differently, brought me home, watched Queen of the Damned, started on x-mas list mom wants, now I'm here.

drama again this weekend, will it ever seise?...
right now I'm feeling tired, and lost. these pains I'm having, are the pains I had when I got the laporscopy, same place, same pain but only worse. I don't want to tell mom, cause then I'll have to go to the doctor, and I don't want to go. I really don't. I don't know what to do, AJ understands why I don't want to go, but Krystal says I should go, and I just don't know. I can deal with this pain, I think. I'm just not willing to go to the doctors...

strangled...2002-09-27 10:38:00 ET

Strangled by Authority

I'm so bored, out of my mind
I won't abide,
by these rules an restrictions put on me
I cant breathe I'm being suffocated by your authority

Its sufficating
My self evlolution
I can't breathe
and I'm not free

How can I become myself
When you just keep me on an unmarked shelf
You keep me in a little box
but I escaped without a culture shock

Its sufficating
My self evolution
I can't breathe
and I'm not free

there is more, but I can't remember...its a song I wrote today, but I left the paper in my locker...I'm going to get a shower then get my shit together for hyndman...see ya guys later...Cheers!

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