all is grey.    2002-12-16 02:24:30 ET
last night i drove my little brother somewhere. so when i stopped in a red light i looked behind and there he was, all smudged up with his nose in the window staring out at the rain. so i asked: "daniel, what are you thinking of?" and he pointed at one of those traffic signs that says "go straight" and said: "are those traffic signs to heaven?"
i really love him, but sometimes he scares the shit outta me.
noa was over and we had video night, and in an hour or so i'll be off to the first night at my new job as a catering whore. my only worry is what ill do if ill have to serve meat...

= listening to: KMFDM vs. pig - fuck me =

     2002-12-14 15:49:25 ET
weekends get so dull lately. no. the correct word would be predictable. went to the kat-balu on thursday with noa and some friends to jump around to guitar sounds for a change. my best friend was d.jing at the metal floor, so i bugged him a bit and leeched his beer. fun fun fun.
i hate this entire friday the 13th concept. had my share of bad luck though: got a ticket from this dumbass traffic-cop, because my headlights were'nt even. gggggggggggggrrrr.
went to the lilinblum 25 again. have'nt been in an EBM party in a long time (3 weeks hehehe) and i actually had fun this time. got slightly drunk, wandered 'round the club and had some weired talks... and i missed noa's lesbo-scene. damnit. oh well.
i woke up today feeling really strange. it wasnt a hangover but i felt all floaty and stuff. must be all that medication... but it was kindda nice though. me and noa went to eat out, and then i dropped by my friend's house. listened to some old israeli alternative stuff and played "catch" with BBQ leftovers and dis-figured old dolls.

=listening to: christ analogue - in radiant decay=

 so anyway...    2002-12-12 08:11:33 ET
lots of weired shit happened since my last entry... well, not really. its kindda strange. when i think about it, it seems alot, but nothing important happened in the past few days.
so there it is...
1.drinking with some friends. fun.
2.driving back home. phone call. mom. "flat tire, im so helpless, come get me outta here,oh, did i mentioned how helpless and pathetic can i be sumtimes?". grrrrrr.
3.rescue mission. no screwdriver. offcourse im blamed for loosing it. frustration. noa came to give mental support. good thing she did it, cause i was this close to bash up the car with a crowbar. sleep.
4.awake. fix the car.sleep.
5.awake. traffic school. the strangest thing about traffic school is that you meet all those people you went to high-school with. i hate it. it always seems like they look at me and say: "hey... so.. you're like... still like THAT."
i really dont think i should start a conversation with someone just because we went to highschool together. its not like i'm anti-social or sumthin. its just that i really cant find the point for doing that.
6. going out to the Comma II with noa. boring. we left erly. sleep.
7. wake up. feeling like shit. one of my wisdom teeth is growing and my cheek and throut got all swallen and sore.
so i got myself high on some antibiotics and painkillers and slept whole day. saw my uncle, that happens to be a doctor, that gave me some really weird pills... yay!!!
maybe ill pick up noa later and we'll attend the usual thursday rock/metal thingie. hope ill feel better by then.
so if ur still reading that: whats wrong with you??? that entry was longer then my entire life story!!... hehehe.

listening to : =diewelt - Donna martin=
=this mortal coil - blood=

 and if rain brings winds of change...    2002-12-09 15:23:14 ET
well i sure hope so.
It rained hard tonight (in IL terms hehe)so i decided to rent a video with some friends and let them rade my fridge instead of going out. that was pretty much the comforting end of this semi-depressing day.
got up, went to cut off my "hair" (thats what you call that?), visited noa, went grocery shopping and spent some time with my kid brothers... but all day long, even in the better moments (thank you noa) i felt this kindda... void.
maybe its the gloomy weather. maybe its my lack of direction. maybe its my new found freedom that freaks me out.
anyway, i feel like im decaying twice as fast now.
and my foot hurts like hell.

whine, whine, whine....
*listening to: At the gates-slaughter of the soul*

 Introduce yourself (right on....)    2002-12-09 00:48:08 ET
This kindda reminded me of FNM so im gonna go and dig up that cd from where ever it is... I prolly forgot it in the fridge or sumthin... im such a senile-lazy-messy slub sometimes.
anyway... my first entry.exciting :)
think im gonna go and do sumthing productive now...

-listening to: meg lee chin - piece and love -

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