And another one falls...    2006-12-20 06:56:22 ET
Well -- we lost another. A friend.

Pressure plate IED. He was the driver of the tank.

He used to hang out in my room a lot while we were in Germany. He loved to work out -- he was actually quite large/built. Further driving me away from the gym to gain muscle mass. But -- for him, he enjoyed it -- so he always had a fun time at the gym. He was a trip. And quite humorous/fun to be around. Him and my old roommate would provide hours of laughter as they fought over each others supplements.

Bush is an idiot. McCain is an idiot. Lieberman is an idiot.

Both McCain and Lieberman (among other senators) were here last week. Dicks. When they passed by, a friend tried to say hello to Lieberman and all he responded with was a quick "hey" -- I felt like royalty were walking among the peasants. I hate the catering to the rich and powerful. And McCain -- I believe my grandpa that passed away at 80some years old could walk better than that man. And, I can assure you that make-up does him wonders on tv. That man is looks extremely old, and can hardly walk.

Anyways -- yeah. This shit sucks.

     2006-12-06 11:58:09 ET
Three more dead today.

One from my unit (as of right now).

I don't know who it is yet. The chaplain went over to where the guys who brought the body in are at. I didn't opt to go. I'd be lying if I didn't say I wasn't scared. Scared of the name he'll bring back. Somehow hoping that if he doesn't return -- it'll somehow reverse things. Though -- I know it won't change what has happened...

I used to think I was somehow privileged not to have dealt with much death in my life -- that all changed once I joined the Army. Its always the same -- you hear of someone got killed, and then you don't really want to hear the name. Sadly, you're somewhat more relieved when you don't know the person that well -- or want to bang your head on a wall and cry till you can't anymore when its a close friend. But -- I believe this is more relative -- because I know of those I don't know at all or too well have someone shedding tears non-stop for them.

Given my position/job I normally end up having to hear in intricate details about their deaths. Thus -- I get stuck with the mental image of my friends deaths. Then I get stuck with setting up the memorial ceremony and having large pictures of my friends look back at me -- realizing that I'm never going to see them again.

Though -- sadly, as a result I've become more calloused to death. It still hurts -- but the world doesn't stop. Even if you desperately wish it would.

The body is extremely resilient, yet extremely fragile. Life is truly a gift -- yet, I constantly wonder why I always find suicide within an arm length away.

Gah -- I'll end here before I find myself wandering on numerous tangents.

Simply -- I will not shed a tear for leaving the Army. I only have to stay alive 2 1/2 more months. Then I get the "normal" worries such a car crash, murder, hit by a vehicle, drug/alcohol overdose, etc.

Yeah -- cherish the time you have. Enjoy your friends and family. Life is far too short to get caught up on the petty shit. You never know if the friend you're talking to may be the last time you're able to speak.


 How I've changed...    2006-12-02 12:10:02 ET
I was searching through my old stuff and I came across this little test, and chose to take it again to see what I came up with now.

The old
April 5, 2003

Entry was found here:

The current
2 December, 2006

Main Type
Overall Self
Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

The current one is somewhat more correct -- except saying that I'm optimistic.

And -- just for records, I'll throw this up as well:

Enneagram Test Results
Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||| 34%
Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||||||| 70%
Type 3 Image Focus |||||||||| 33%
Type 4 Hypersensitivity |||||||||||| 45%
Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||||||||| 74%
Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||||||||||| 74%
Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||| 32%
Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||| 25%
Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||||||||||| 81%
Your main type is 9
Your variant is self pres

Here -- I find it odd that I score high on anxiety while scoring high also on calmness. I wouldn't say I'm an anxiety driven person -- except in a few select situations, but those are often quite rare.

 Iraq.    2006-12-02 04:52:45 ET
What are your views on the entire Iraq situation?

 Blue II    2006-11-28 11:12:34 ET
You know -- I'm going to get a little kitten when I get out of the Army, and finally settled into my own place. It will be a black kitten. It will have sleek hair (not fluffy), and will be a male.

His name shall be: Blue the Second.

...I miss my old cat. He was one of the few cats that the good majority of the time when you called him -- he'd come to you. Even when he was dying and spent minutes trying to get up to his little perch -- when I walked in, he'd slowly get up, and make his way over too me...though too weak to jump atop the couch. And he'd still try to rub up against me and attempt to purr. But...his sickness always had him drooling and it just...was bad.

My parents waited for me to get home to college so I could see him, and make the decision to put him to sleep... I still remember seeing him looking outside the cage of the truck that took him away.

I truly loved that cat.

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