2009-03-19 16:17:32 ET
Today was just recockulously long! I mean it fucking dragged arse!

Spent 3/4 of yesterday cleaning house, scrubbing anything porcelain(toilets, sinks, tubs.). Cleaning floors, catboxes, doing laundry, cleaning drapes. Trying to make the house nice for her. Make her feel comfortable. I even made potato soup with broccoli and cheddar from scratch. Spruced up the bathroom with candles, and different kinds of bubble bath items. Planned a nice romantic evening. Even if any physical didn't come from it, a nice soothing bath together with hot tea would have been nice.Got rejected! Imagine that one!!!

Tomorrow is Friday. And I expect another drunken stupor of a nite for her. So not looking forward to it. And I even feel more on edge, knowing that she has a crush on someone, that is out there:(

Where's fucking calgon when you need it?

 This morning.....    2009-03-14 15:38:39 ET
So I awoke with stomach cramps from the fast food I had last nite. It was 1:45am ish. And she had just gotten out of the bathroom, using her cell phone as a lite. I freaked her out, cause I was just standing there waiting patiently. Her eyes were semi glazed, and I could smell the alki reeking off of her. Told her we need to talk. "About what she said?". Told her it was odd behavior for her to be out so late, when the bars close at 2am in this town. Plus one of her friends had just broken up with her boyfriend. So I'm guessing they went out trolling for guys?! I then find a bottle of mineral bath body oil, that says it's laced with natural phermones on the bottle. What am I to fucking think? Seriously. She moves outta my room, starts drinking again, is out till the wee hours, has the lotion, and ignores any advance from me?

As she stormed upstairs. I wrote her a letter. Asking her straight up, if she's been seeing or being with anyone else? In a relationship, this is the last question I would ever wanna ask! But yet. If something is on your mind, you should ask! Instead of letting it eat at you. Well she tells me this morning, that she feels totally insulted that I ask that! And that she hasn't. Let's hope I don't get any phone calls from, friends otherwise.

So I'm not in the world's greatest mood. I need cheering up real bad!

     2009-03-13 15:59:30 ET
Another Friday after work sitting home alone tapping at the computer keys. Thrilling....

We had a little chat last nite. The lady and I. She asked what would happen if she had wanted to call it quits? Told her I was trying real hard to compromise on things. And if I didn't care, I wouldn't be trying. And if that was her choice. She could pack her bags, and show herself the door!!! And not to let it slam on the way out. She gasped loudly. And asked if I would really do that. I said.."Try me!" Said I can struggle just as badly alone, and by myself. And I had been single 3 1/2 years prior to her sauntering into my life! Not doing teribly well. But well enough not to be in the financial bind currently.

Yeah. Nice fucking week!

     2009-03-07 04:32:07 ET
Had planned a wonderful evening last nite. But it got torpedoed! I awoke at midnight to find my lady just creeping in, from hanging out with her friends. Even though she had to be at work at 5am. Guess she's hanging out with some other friends tonight?! Guess it's going to be another single serving meal again tonight?

It's raining. Which is nice. Even though work isn't until 11am. Think I'll get ready, and drive around or something to pass time?

 Yeah.................    2009-03-05 16:38:22 ET
Today was a nice crisp 63. Unusal weather for the begining of March. But I'm not gonna complain one bit! Except. I had to work today.

The things with the lady are about the same. My accupunture session went well on Tuesday. My doctor(she), also does aurora cleansing and other niceties. And said she would try to act as an intermediary between us. Since my lady goes to the center as well. Thought it would be the right step! Asked her about both of us making a time when we could both go. She hasn't gotten back to me. WOW!I thought. Seems like I'm trying once again, and she isn't!

Am thinking even more harder. That I probaly need someone better?! But when you live in a small town, it's hard. Not like I could coax anyone to enjoy the peace and quiet like I do? Maybe I should just do the mail order bride thing or something? Or meet someone who at least has a half a brain, likes the same types of music, isn't afraid to get her hands dirty at times, and likes living in the middle of no where!!!

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