2008-04-30 01:29:04 ET
i've been very frustrated and feeling nuts this week. not being at the club i manage tonight as i'm taking a night off, i posted "theres nothing to do in this damn city at night" as my current myspace status because, as we all know, myspace is the end all-be all of our human existence. someone who has been nothing but a sweet person to me via myspace, but who i assume has only lived in seattle or comparable places for the majority of her life, actually replied to it by saying "Of course there is! theres's plenty of things to do on a night like this. You just haven't met everyone yet! :)"
now sadly this hit my ears as 'generic seattlite response #5678' and for whatever reason i responded to her with the long, drawn out, poorly punctuated rant that follows. forgive me, i just need to get this (and a lot more) out of my system right now.
heh...lately i feel like i've met too many people. theres been a few awesome people i've met but the majority are small-minded white dipshits who just want to hang out with and talk to or about their own melodramatic tiny world that consists of the same ten losers they've hungout with their entire lives. its like a smalltown mindset gone retarded. people here don't live in the world or reality - they live in 'seattle'. a city full of amazing architecture and beauty that the majority of the populace complacently sits on and at best just bitches about while simultaneously turning face and blathering on about how great and "cultured" it is and how at least its not _insert_other_city_here_ cause they're all fake and pretentious there. what? hypocrisy and stupidity. i mean i've had a bad month but i simply cannot abide so much about this place that it's ridiculous. i miss l.a. a lot. i'm still trying, though. and really - theres no fucking nightlife here. i got mugged the other week and in inner-city los angeles the chances of that happening are so much smaller because a. theres actually other people on the streets at 1am, and b. the crime that does happen is either personal or gang related. not some bored white spoiled dipshit kids running around pretending they're "hard" cause they got bored of doing crack all night at their parents' house. fuck this place. i love a lot about it. i'm really trying to maintain that. but the longer i'm here the more i'm reminded of why i fucking left north dakota and montana in the first place - and that's just ludicrous considering seattle actually masquerades as a city. the best friends i've made since i've been here minus around 2 or 3 anomalies are not from here. most seattlites i've met are small-minded, melodramatic, pretentious dipshits who don't have a fucking clue about the rest of reality cause they want to live in this fake whitewashed bubble existance and keep fooling themselves that its so much better than anything else. its really frustrating. and im sorry...i just really needed to vent. the fact that i'm even *having* all of this tedious and pointless frustration and angst since moving here i just further frustrating in itself. i know enough to know what i'm doing and work with what i have and i am very fortunate to be in the position i am here in many respects. its just that its so much more tedious than it should be, coming from working in a larger place with more varied types of people and real, actual problems. not incessant drama cause 'omg blah blah fucked blah blah and called me a bitch'. coming to manage the mercury after working for das bunker in los angeles has felt like coming from grad school in a place where people actually care about music and progression to coming into babysitting a bunch of 3 year olds gone retarded that have no fucking clue what they're even doing with their lives but still need to consistently make themselves feel overly important or validate their existence by pretending whatever they're doing is so 'amazing'.
:: sigh :: sorry. i can't adapt to this place and don't want to. i never had to adapt to l.a. - it always accepted me for who i was.
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now all of that said, i'm not going to let myself live an overly-affected existence as a result of any of this. in fact the club stuff is progressing. it's just so much more stressful than it should be and i'm trying to work around that somehow and not go any crazier than i already feel. still, though. numbers are increasing. lots of things are happening that plenty of people have continually told me couldn't happen. and this weekend i got booked at my first guest dj spot anywhere outside of seattle. so i'm still pushing forward. i just feel like i don't know what to do with myself half the time in this place because theres too little here for me to even attempt to relate to. but dents are still being made. i'm just really fucking worn out.
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