do i offend?2004-05-16 23:37:21 ET

i hate dry spells.

talked to my wonderful friend elliot like all night.

i have this new addcition with sending ppl mahsive amounts of mp3's and avi files.

i need more takers, before i erase them all again.

by order of splendor.2004-05-16 13:07:05 ET

Everyone who reads this has to ask me 3 questions, no more no less. ask me anything you want. then i want you to go to your journal, copy & paste this, allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything....

cleaning is aful2004-05-15 21:04:29 ET

my room has gotten to the absolute breaking point.

and now i have decided to do something abou tit, i have far too much stuff than i need, and i have no where to put it all. i think i will just give up for today, have a shower and go to bed, then get up early tomorrow, the parents are back too, guess i wont be cleaning my car anytime soon tho either, i hope they go out of town next weekend too, for some reason i only let getting shit done when i am all alone, guess its cuz i have full rein over the house. etc.

i need to keep myself busy all summer, so i dont think about him.

|le tear| i think i am goin to get another job and start a work out routine again.

i knew it whud happen.2004-05-15 14:01:43 ET

sadly i didn't even get to see him, i guess he waited for my phone call that i forgot to make and stayed home.

i just assumed he whud be out, cuz he said he whud be, i didnt get to give him his present, tell him goodbye, give him some reassurance.

and now i wont see him until the fall most likely.

i think i may have hurt him a bit, with all the mind games, but i totally didn't even realize they were games, and he played them too.

oh well i have to get over this as fast as i can, i can't carry this shit around all summer,it will kill me.

last night.2004-05-14 14:10:28 ET

so this is my last chance.

tonight's the night.

but i have a feeling it wont even happen, i can tell he is starting to push me away to avoid the pain, i just called him and he basically hung up on me.

this is too hard, and part of me wants to just forget it all and walk away.

i mean if its truly meant to happen it will right.

i think it will just have to end with a hug n kiss, and a warm see you in the fall.

that way we can both do what we want, without having to wrry about the other.

it was all put off way too long, meybee there isn't even anything there anymore, but i kno what he wants me to say, and i can't drop that bomb, especially if he is leaving.

|le tear| i am soo confused right now, i dont even kno whats goin on besides tears.

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