the yucky feeling in the pit of my stomach    2003-12-29 17:16:03 ET
I am going to see Return of the King tonight. The friend I am seeing it with is the one who has confessed feelings for me.
During my week in Tahoe he called three times. He called last night to make sure I had gotten home ok. He invited me to his friendís (a person I do not know) birthday party. He has just bought a couple of Cds that are not bands he previously listened to before he learned that I liked them. All of this makes me worried that he is not being just a friend.
I want to be as honest and nice as I can be in this situation. I donít want to do anything that might lead him in a direction that I have no intention of going. So he calls to see if I will go to the movie with him. Because of the above events I asked to make sure our venture is in friendshipís name only. He tells me that I have made it perfectly clear where I stand when we first talked about it that ugly night in my living room.
I feel like I have just rubbed it in his face that I rejected him
1 comment

 Am I accually smiling?    2003-12-25 15:27:04 ET
I thought of venturing out into the frozen world rapidly being lost under the white flakes. The inevitable shoveling off of my car keeps me inside playing my new guitar. :)
I have been in Tahoe for four days now.
I made lefsa with my grandmother, My sister got engaged, And I got to spend time with my three closest friends. I miss those three. The hours that have been spent in laughter were what I needed. We are each in different places and the holiday has brought us back together. I got to spend a whole day with Andy, which was spent in part, wandering around salvage yard and fabric store gathering our materials of choice.
I usually dread Christmas. In years past I have seen it as nothing but unneeded stress. This year has been good.


 Company Christmas Party    2003-12-17 20:02:05 ET
It took a lot of coxing but my co-workers got me to the point where I thoughtÖ what the hell, Iíll go.

Four people asked my boss if I was her date. My boss is ďyou canít miss her large bellyĒ pregnant. She rambles on about the father of the child to anyone who is foolish enough to let her talk. I am new with the company. I donít know any other people than the ones I see in my little scenic shop. So part of me is not at all surprised that these people have a hard time fitting me into the happy corporate hell I call work. But I canít get over them thinking I was her girlfriend.

Forced social events are evil. Itís nothing but a bunch of stupid people getting drunk and repeatedly asking your name.

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