ignorance rocks me still...
2003-09-10 20:30:55 ET

okay, so that sex I thought I was going to have this weekend, I might not....urungckf
That is because the guy I was going to maybe sorta have it with said something odd late last night/early this morning.
He wants to keep me in a friendship spot...
I have no clue what that is supposed to mean.
So I am going to go with it.
I like him, alot, and I do not want any kind of binding relationship right now(relationship=good, as long as it is open...) so I guess that is okay, But I was looking foreward to having sex with someone this weekend...I was leaning towards him ,but.......
sex is sex no matter what..
hahaha, he also told me that
"I should date all the people(date??) I am interested in right now. Then pick my favorite"
Maybe I am really lame, and perhaps greedy, But I don't want to pick anyone,(in the sense I think he means anyway) why can't some people acdept that free lay?
I mean really,
you meet a nice girl she wants to do ya, and you keep her in a "friendship spot"?
Am I missing something here?
Is there a reason why it took me so long to have some guy take the rest of my virginity away?

Perhaps, I have no clue
At any rate....
Today I had Japanese, man I am behind so bad.
I will study or shoot myself
I will be studious
I will..........
yea, right. Like I say every fucking semester.

double woot to the fucking max!!!
2003-09-09 17:23:47 ET

I get sex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For a second(third) time!!!
I hope
This weekend
I can not wait!!
I will party have sex sex sex and spend time with my family, Also I am stoked my friend Christina is going to be in the Awesome vicinity too so she can meet all my awesome friends!!

'cept, I don't think she has caught on to my sexual preference....(both....)
and I am a little worried about what she may think, But I should not give a fuck.
So I will try not too.....

closer and closer to telling that girl that I know she knows that I know....If you know what I mean....

on a heavier note
Also I need to explain something to get it off my chest.
The first time I had sex with a girl, I didn't want to. I did. But not at that time and but not with that girl.I was lame and suggested it "just to to see" If I was. I am, but I did't need her to figure that out. So, girls are hard for me. I need to work it out, I am perfectly willing to, bUt whoever she is needs to know this. almost over it, I think it will be a little hard for me to get over it completely.

2003-09-08 17:19:25 ET

today was thoughtlessly uneventful..although I did get a voicemail message on my phone this moring from my guy friend who has no title..which made me sqeal like a a little girl to myself and aloud all morning....I am such a fucking girl it's sick! I used to pride myself in the fact that people assumed I was a lesbian(even though I liked guys more). I was a huuuuge tomboy, my guy friends would flinch when I moved my hand to tuck my hair behind my ear. Those guys still do, and I laugh. But now...I am into makeup, pink colors, skirts, dresses, and looking pretty...how lame is that? what happened to the skate bitch? where did I go?

Well, I am melodramatic, was then and still am now, I have not gone anywhere, I just grew up a little bit, decided that I didn't have to pretend I didn't like those things anymore. whoa do I rant....

today was my subject..haha..I seem to have lost it... I got to hang out with my new friend Alix, she is fun, reminds me of another girl....Cute too, but I beleive she is straight...I am getting those vibes though...but I could just be stupid since I seem to be that way about this kind of thing. She is a little more fun than my childhood friends that I have started hanging out with again since I moved back to my childhood home. They are I dunno....un comfortable, they try really hard to include me, bUt I am not sure they want too, insecurity kicks my ass too much. I do like them, I just wish they talked about something...not that they don't talk, I am just npot sure what it is about. blech..

((mood)) giddy
((moosic)) addicts "jhonny was a soldier"

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