| 2002-06-19 19:04:18 ET |
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well...live journal is being a bitch as usual. i had a nice fight/argument with mt parents today. that is odd because we hardly ever fight. it has just not been my day.
i did buy the 30th anniversary edition of night of the living dead. it has 15 min. of new scenes. i guess at least the whole day was not a waste.
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| 2002-05-29 21:41:25 ET |
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i put some nex pictures on my website...i also made some new backgrounds.
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| 2002-05-26 19:04:00 ET |
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i have realized how pathetic i am. i am bored out of my mind. i feel like i have no friends at all and that people don't like me, they only use me. i have been sleeping so much lately....i guess because i have been so depressed. it is like i don't even want to wake up in the mornings anymore because i hate myself and feel like i have nothing to look forward to. there is no joy in my life anymore. i am never happy anymore. i don't want to be here in texas any more, but i don't really want to move to kansas either. i don't know what i want...but not this. i can't even think straight anymore. my mind is always clouded and i guess when it boild sown to it...i just don't care. i have spent my life trying to make everyone else happy that i have made myself unhappy beyond repair.
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| after a long night of thinking... 2002-05-25 20:18:21 ET |
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...i have reached a conclusion. only drunk old large/fat drunk men or people at least 10 years younger than me hit on me. the only time guys of my own age talk to me, it is because they want to ask me about one of my "hot" friends or to tell me one of my friends is "cute." either they ask about shelley or one of the brittany's. other than my "hot" friends, the only reasons just about anyone talks to me it is for one of the following reasons:
1. my hair...how do i keep it up or it looks nice etc. (the latter is usually spoken by 12 year olds)
2. "katie, can you burn me a cd because i head you were the person to ask for stuff by __________ (insert band name)?"
3. to ask where to get random items of clothing such as boots, nice purses, skirts, etc.
so my conclusion is that i must be really unattractive or at least far inferior to my "hot" friends (not that that makes me mad at them at all because it does not, but it just gets to be a blow to the ole self-esteem when the reality of it hits home as it now has). i also must look like an information booth on hair, music, and clothes. my only purpose is to answer questions. other than that, i have no value as a person.
work was dull tonight, but i have also come to the conclusion that i will never forget how to thread a 35mm movie projector. the process has become a permenant part of my brain. i suppose that is my value as a person. i can thread a damn movie blind-folded. i guess that is better than nothing.
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