unholy water, sanguine addiction

2009-03-21 08:48:39 ET upon coming home from taking my mom to work, i noticed something. something frightening. the outside door of my apt complex has been "tagged" by none other than the.... LiL MP Swag Boys needless to say, I am petrified. 1 comment

she dreams in digital

2009-03-12 17:30:49 ET ok, so my car is a total pimp mobile/sex machine. it's a 1988 caprice and looks like this, except tan i just went to the gas station and got a soda and burrito for dinner, and upon coming home saw this gold SUV parked smack dab on the line, taking up half of each space on either side. my question to this person, and anyone who does the same or feels the way i do about it, is....WHY? is my car the only one with a reverse function? what is so urgent inside your apt that you can't take an extra 10 seconds to back up and straighten out? do you not know how? how did you get a license in the first place? i suppose i would be a lot less frustrated about this if the car was super badass, or something. like, if it were a porsche, i would totally understand. but it's just a run of the mill, mediocre SUV that you see twenty times in any walmart parking lot. so, i left a passive aggressive note. i generally like to avoid doing this in any situation, especially in my lot because there is a video camera and i don't want to make waves with the management, but i am so, so tired of having to take a shitty parking spot on the opposite side of the lot just because some jackass doesn't give a shit about anyone but himself. i even had to write it on 2 blank pages from my check register, because i forgot my youparklikeanasshole.com notices. yes, i actually carry them. people who can't park decently drive me absolutely insane. 2 comments

please please please let me get what i want

2009-02-24 08:09:35 ET the other day i saw a bumper sticker on an SUV that said "you are a snail." that's it. no pictures or anything. i am excited at the prospect of being a gastropod, but somewhat confused as to how the fact could have eluded me all these years. if only i had some way of contacting the driver of that jeep... its finally starting to warm up outside. right now it's 50 something and im wearing shorts with my window open. i cannot fucking wait for spring. i should be getting my car sometime soon, it's a 1984 chevy caprice, AKA pimp mobile. i'm going to jazz it up with zebra print seat covers and lime green fuzzy dice. hopefully after that i'll be able to get a job. my job searching really depresses me. nobody ever calls me back. it's probably because i'm 18 and have no prior job experience, but everyone has to start somewhere, y'know? i'm applying for so-called entry level positions and i'm more than qualified for the call center stuff, i wish they would just schedule a goddamn interview or test or some shit and see for themselves. blah. i've even applied at hot topic *shudder* like 20 times and they don't call me either. it's probably because i don't listen to jeffree star. oh well, if worse comes to worst i'll just live at home until i'm 50 and become a serial killer, plastering the walls of my 7x9 room with pictures of models with the eyes scratched out. screw law school. THAT is the ultimate after high school plan.

something so worthless serves a purpose

2009-02-11 10:03:45 ET dear food network: bobby flay is adorable. give him more shows. this gigantic bleach blonde bowling shirted homo needs to STOP getting shows. thank you. 14 comments

he came from outer space to save the human race

2009-01-31 21:39:55 ET i dont have much to say here since i just made a long post, but today was 50 degrees and sunny and i drove home with the windows down. god, its been so long since ive felt a nice breeze blow through my hair. today was PERFECT.

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