2008-02-20 15:57:54 ET
i am so utterly lost. i feel like a stranger in my skin.. who is this stranger walking around my house? talking to my friends? making out with my boyfriend? who is this fucker who took over my life?
i long since lost what makes me tick.. what makes me care.. and what motivates me. i want to say that i don't care, but the truth is that i do. if i didn't care i wouldn't feel like a douchebag who had everything and totally just fubared it. i smoked enough weed to ensure that i slept through my alarms, and couldn't focus in class. i've managed to vomit everytime i feel anxious and scared, which has ensured that i don't leave the house. ive gotten fat and miserable. what have i done? and how do i fix this?
perhaps the sole problem is that i want others to pity me and baby me back to sanity. but from the bottom of my heart i know thats not true. i got here, and i can get out. i just need to work and push myself. push harder. be stronger and have the courage to know i can do this. its been so long since i've even thought that i could do anything, and now i've got to muster it together if im ever to get where i need to go.
at least if i was stoned i wouldn't have the thought capacity to worry or feel bad.. fuck
2007-03-03 11:01:12 ET
i got a snake today :) its a baby albino corn snake.. its so kewl.. ive yet to think of a name .. it usualyl takes me a few days. hes huddled in the corner..
so i saw an old friend of mine today. .we ususalyl can't set our differences behind us but today was awesome. we got a long brilliantly.. and it made me feel really good.. its good to see good change.
|to the beginning|
2007-02-24 08:14:04 ET
i am thinking back on all of this. all of who i was. who i am and who i am becoming. i feel like ive had some kind of epiphany. and i feel a great sense of melancholy drawn upon me.
what are these trivial things? should i wait? wait until i no longer want to be settled with this love? with this wonderfully comfortable part of my life? yet in the meantime long for something else...? because i don\'t feel as if its more i am aftr. this is amazing, but its not it.
do you think they sell it on ebay?
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