I don't think I'll ever understand the world    2003-02-02 21:56:38 ET
Maybe it's not meant to be understood in the first place and our existence is to spend our whole lives trying to make a living off of the search for contentment where there is none.

And maybe we are really looking at life and the world in which we live all the wrong way. Maybe it's really easy to understand but we, in all of our infinite wisdom and glory, try to make it more than it really is meant to be.

Who knows... I just hope that before I die I can honestly say that I did some good.

 Internet is Down in my Dorm    2003-01-28 17:08:34 ET
Well... my internet is down so I am in the lab here at Texas A&M doing homework and posting the goings on of my world. About two days ago, me and my now ex-girlfriend called it quits. She said I was immature when I got mad at her guy friends from Austin because they were making fun of my height... which I take very seriously. I have been made fun of for my size(5'6") my whole life by the "BIG" kids when I was growing up as the runt of the high school, so forgive me if I get a little pissed at the reocurrence of such verbal slandering by people I've never met. Saying that I was being immature just turned me off completely from her and I am not about to take that from a girl let alone the one I am dating. Complete SHIT... that's what that is.

Well I am single and I guess that is positive. More time for school and guitar... blah!!

 Reciprosity    2003-01-22 21:43:33 ET
Problems a foot in the world of Josh... I am "dating" this wonderful amazing girl who lives in Houston(about 5 hours from Plano...my home) and goes to school in Austin(about 2 hours from College Station...where i go to school). I have seen this girl, dead truth, 2 times in my whole life. I got to know her online from one of my friends who goes to school with me and when she came to visit we hit it off really well. It was amazing, the day and half we spent together, and I was hooked fast. We talked on the phone and online for the entire winter break and she came to visit the weekend before school started a little more than a week ago. Lots of fun. Well she leaves and later taht day she says that she feels like she is leading me in the wrong direction and not helping me spiritually cuz we are getting too physical. I have no idea what she's talking about!!! Well we discussed the issue and I supported my argument with the fact that I was very opposed to her listening to her friend complain cuz we were kissing infront of her and not basing the realtionship off of what she feels and wants...not what her friend wants her to have. Well that was not met by a very good response from her and so we just kind of stopped the discussion. Then about two days later we had another discussion on relationships which did not turn out well cuz I am a very opinionated little guy who doesn't back down on those type of arguments. Well she said that I freaked her out with how "angry" I was. I didn't know being opinionated and thoughtful was considered being angry? I just don't understand this whole thing... blah!!!!

I should of been smart about this whole thing and not kissed her that first night.... told her to keep her distance but no!!! Like usual I screw everything up.

 Just wondering...    2003-01-20 23:24:22 ET
This is to all those incubus fans out there... has anyone heard of the song Damnation? I downloaded it accidentally and really like it a lot and was wondering if anyone knew when it was recorded or what album it was on. Thanks.

 Another Poem    2003-01-19 13:53:46 ET
On this coldest of nights
I am feeling the most alone
To see you laugh
To see you smile
Why did I think it would be different?
Why did it all just stay the same?
Thinking with my heart
What I should have left with my brain
The things I thought could have changed just stay the same and unchanged
And when you turn your back on me
And curl up in his arms
It pains my heart to see
Leaves my eyes feeling maimed
And broken thoughts fill my brain
Will I ever be free from this torment?
Will I ever find the path to walk away?
I donít want to wait here for me to change
And for you to still be the same.

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