New Poem    2003-01-15 16:25:57 ET
The momentum of fear that brought me here trying to hide from the feeling that keeps my heart from healing
Under the edge of night I can hide my flight from the unwritten law of the unluckily smitten
I've been lost with my heart as the cost for you to just turn and go for being alone in this world pains me so
These cobwebs that encircle me just won't let me see that without you I am in an endless vacation and with you i am in constant consternation.

I am still a little confused on exactly what I was thinking when I wrote this one but it was fun to write.

 Authorian Me and My Poetic Disposition    2003-01-10 14:30:55 ET
Here is my second poetry entry... I want to thank everyone who commented on my first entry. I am really glad that everyone seemed to enjoy it.

Why do I waste my time with people who really wouldn't care if I was alive or dead to them
But it's all the same to me cuz this world is hard and life just isn't really worth living with nothing to show in the end
Under pressure that seeks to split me at my very soul I wish I could turn away all this hate that is shown to me
It could have been different if I had wanted it to but then what would I make it be?

It's a very different style than my normal stuff so I thought it would be interesting to see how my commentators felt on it.

 A Poem from Me to You    2002-12-18 23:24:17 ET
I wrote this poem a while back and I wanted to post it.. I have a gift with being able to write poetry really easily and then I am pretty creative when it comes to guitar riffs so who knows...

Now I sit alone
When you're not around
I read aloud
Just to hear a friendly voice
Maybe a sound is too much to ask
Or maybe it's really a choice I never made
What difference does it make for in all my sadness?
You were really the only one that I'll ever need

Critique me please... I am very open to questions, comments and the occasional creative bashing I deserve.

 I have found a friend    2002-12-17 00:34:51 ET
*We are talking about an amazing girl that I have fallen for.

Me: she's amazing.... i don't know of any girl that has ever filled my heart with such happiness like she does
Me: it's truly incredible
Eric: The feelings you speak of are quite rare indeed. From the sounds of your emotional outcries it is seems this girl is truly incredible. The kind of girl who one reads in fairy tales and poems, the kind of girl who one wishes thine own heart beated in rythm with theirs, the kind of girl who brings laughter and radiance to even the eyes of the blind. I must admit, hearing you speak of such a creature makes the yearning of ones stagnant heart beat tears of longing and desire.
Me: wow
Me: that is one of the most amazing things i've ever read...
Me: that is such a perfect description of how amazing she is
Eric: you should tell her
Me: i try to tell her everyday
Me: i have only known her a short time but in my soul i feel like i have known her for an eternity and am still discovering her
Eric: Hearing you tell the story of this girl was well worth it. She sounds incredible my friend, from the way you describe her. Your girl counterpart if you dont mind me saying.
Me: thank you so much man
Me: i just feel this amazing overflow of emotion for this beautiful blessing that have been given through her presence in my life
Eric: Trying to translate the warmth of the feelings into creditable words is hard. The feelings speak to us for themselves. I constant rush of love and happiness. Constantly wondering what we ever did so right to have earned the chance to be so close to the source of this beacon of emotions. Constantly wondering if fate had a part to play. What great feelings we are capable of my friend
Me: It's incredible that we can find such amazing girls that allow us to feel this way... I cannot even begin to understand how lucky we are to even be able to begin to find the correct words to be able to describe these emotions we feel inside... it's an amazing world we live in
Eric: What blessed creatures we truly are. These girls bring out the best in all of us, and we could truly praise them for all eternity and not have scratched the surface.

I'm telling you what... to find a person that feels the same as I do is an amazing thing.
1 comment

 here's a convo i had on...    2002-12-05 00:12:15 ET
flamingosfive: josh!
Pushpop4411: hey!!
flamingosfive: how's it going?
Pushpop4411: i just watched American Beauty
flamingosfive: solid movie
flamingosfive: so how are you?
flamingosfive: missing me yet?
Pushpop4411: i'm good.... i miss you everyday!!
Pushpop4411: silly
flamingosfive: i missed you a lot today and yesterday
flamingosfive: will and i broke up today
Pushpop4411: for real?
flamingosfive: yea...
flamingosfive: it was really, REALLY hard.... but i think it's for the best...
flamingosfive: at least that's what i keep telling myself
Pushpop4411: i'm sorry anna... i should have been there for you...:-(if in your heart you feel it was the right decision than it was
flamingosfive: what are you talking about, you're at college station?!
Pushpop4411: i know but i should have been awake when you imed me lastnight
flamingosfive: no, id he'd told me that he really wanted to work on things and stay together i'd have done it in a heartbeat... but he doesn't really want to.... he's still holding some bullshit grudge against me and he doesn't want to right now
flamingosfive: nono, this happened tonight
flamingosfive: so we're still gonna be friends, and im at the point right now where im holding out hope that maybe in the future we could try again.......
flamingosfive: really, BAAAADD timing was such a big part of it too
Pushpop4411: i'm sorry anna... all you can do is hope for the best... if things are meant to be then they will
flamingosfive: i don't believe in that meant to be shit
flamingosfive: things happen because i want them to
Pushpop4411: haha... that too... but there is always a little bit of predestination mixed in with our choices you know? our lives aren't fixed to a certain line but i think that there is always some end result that we get to... it's the only way that i stay optimistic that my life is meant for something
flamingosfive: :-)
Pushpop4411: you are an amazing girl... if he doesn't look passed his grudge and see that then he doesn't deserve you
flamingosfive: thanks
flamingosfive: really, i'd do anything to make things better again... and i think he knows that, but now its to the point that he's taking it for granted and doesn't even want it anymore
Pushpop4411: i am so sorry anna... i wish was there
flamingosfive: but seeing you again was so much fun i kinda wished that i was single
flamingosfive: me too
flamingosfive: you'd help a lot
Pushpop4411: haha... you'd help me out a lot too
flamingosfive: you gotta callme when you come back for xmas
flamingosfive: why are you up so late?
Pushpop4411: cuz i'm bored
flamingosfive: well, im gonna get in the bathtub
flamingosfive: talk to you later
Pushpop4411: okay... i will call when i get back in town... feel good about life!! haha... things always get better
flamingosfive: that's not true... sometimes they just get worse
Pushpop4411: sometimes they do... you just gotta hope with all your might that they get better instead
flamingosfive: no, then i'll just be disappointed
Pushpop4411: :-(i know.... that's what hurts me the most... when i hope and hope and wish with all my heart that things get better but the don't
flamingosfive: i know
flamingosfive: its a bitch
Pushpop4411: i just don't understand how much pure emotion I have wasted on people that never deserved it. and somehow i think that things will get better and someone out there will really care... but it's all denial
flamingosfive: oh don't say that. it's just that not everyone is at the same place you are
flamingosfive: people want different things
flamingosfive: and people make mistakes
flamingosfive: and others are just shitty
Pushpop4411: i'm just too whole hearted... i give and give and give and never remember to ask for something to return until after

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