Oh Ricki, where art thy humble heaviness of yore? (Warning: lame post ahead)
2003-03-10 16:20:20 ET

That's right, Ricki's turning into a biotch and I ain't down with it. I miss the sweet Ricki. Maybe it's just her style this season, that big, powerful BBW look. Every season, she busts a new steeze. I don't like the look this season.

However, I'm still on that Jenny Jones shyte.

I say all this not feeling repulsive 'cause I know that I watch about 1.5 hours of television A MONTH. I hate TV, but I love Jenny and Ricki, and "when I say I'm in love, you better believe I'm in love L.U.V!"

The topic today was dirty bitches who get with men only for the money. Fucking mean women! It's like that one TLC song, or that one Destiny's Child song, or whatever. Gives me low self-esteem, in a I-don't-really-give-a-fuck-kind-of-way.

I'm part of that potatoe-eating family from that old-school Van Gogh painting.

I see a lot of money around here in Fullerton and for the most part it doesn't really fill me with any zest. Cars, houses, styles...that's all really nice stuff and power to the people who work for it. That's about all I can say 'bout that. I recognize that if I want it, I can have it. I'm just kinda don't want it right now.

For the first half of last year, I was working an average of about 42 hours a week. Funk dat. I was making over $1200 a month, but life sucked cause I couldn't do anything, besides drink and smoke weed after work. Funk dat. I'd rather be poor and semi-content than not poor and totally discontent.

THE PRIMARY DRAWBACK IS TRAVEL!!! I want to travel! I want to travel everywhere, but it's so fucking hard to save money and get time off from work! ARRRR!!! What to do?!?!

Oh well, got all psyched on that Ricki tip...

If anyone, ANY-JUAN has read this far, give me your address and I'll send you some money....or something to the equivalant degree.


2003-03-05 12:14:50 ET

Here's something that I'm dealing with:

Can someone have confidence if he/she does not believe that what he/she thinks is real?

Is this possible? Where do I build confidence? And of the confidence that I do have, from where does it stem?

Here's another bland but relevant thought I've been circulating in my brain:

What you see is what you think; what you think is what you see.

So if you combine these two ideas, which I find express how I feel, what do you come up with? If what you see is what you think, and you don't believe that what you think is real, then what?

Not like a virgin
2003-02-28 19:45:58 ET

I started questioning how 'valuable' such a thing as virginity 'really' is. I'm really undecided. I 'was' decided in my personal destruction of virginity. I wanted to obliterate virginity completely. However, I like the idea of being the type of person who would cherish virginity. To be able to cross-over in thought like that.

There's a song that has a fucking dumb-ass truth about it. The song I speak of is that Information Society song that goes, like, "I WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING! THERE ARE SOME THINGS YOU CAN'T HIDE! I WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU'RE FEELING! TELL ME WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND!"

I'm totally not down with that shit, but I'm kinda down with the deeper concept within. (I want to insert a little echo-delay-effect right here) WHOA DUDE...

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