2003-02-25 13:22:13 ET

Yo, fuck Vicoden. I had a really bad hangover yesterday, so I kept popping pills. Today I wake up and I feel like I fucking did Cocaine last weekend or some shit. And it doesn't even feel that great while you're on it. It's all weak and yet psychological, cause you end up taking 4 hits, then you're hooked for the rest of the day. That's the whole reason I don't fuck with Cocaine in the first place. FUNK DAT.

I seriously don't understand why so many people are on that crap. And I also don't get why we can't just do opium? It tastes a lot better and feels great and even kinda has a cool aesthetic to it. Stupid fucking double-standards.


Super long and gushy
2003-02-24 10:05:37 ET

I know I've said this before, but many times when I'm hungover and a tad bit blue, I listen to "One in a Million" from Aaliyah and it totally sweeps me away. It's just like the greatest song I've ever heard. It feels this certain emotion that I want to hold and embrace and be in forever. I love it so much.

So yo, had the greatest fucking day yesterday down in San Diego with my best friends! I finally got to see my homegirl Erika's big-ass apartment. Massive three bedroom spot with a huge living room, dining room, all that. Those kids are crazy as all hell, and they make me feel so fucking good! Erika hooked up a keg of Sierra Nevada, so that was yummy. Tons of alcohol, tons of loud music, tons of laughter, tons of love...tons of love.

Anyways, I'm back here in Fullerton, kinda sad feeling 'cause I love Erika so much and really hate to be so far from her. It was so nice yesterday morning. I opened my eyes first thing and saw her walking to me, then she laid down next to me and we slept for a little longer holding each other. It was something that I've needed to feel for a long time. She used to do that same thing when we lived with each other and it was always such a whole and complete feeling. It's so nice to have this thing where you can just love and love and keep loving someone and never have the risk of losing anything, know what I mean? She's like my greatest friend and that's how it's gonna stay. that's such a good thing to know. Makes me feel safe.

It's hard to reach people and to touch people and communicate and build something real, and it's such a tragedy when these efforts fall apart. I am proud to have helped construct this relationship that will endure the weather of time. Having this structure is essential. I'm not close to my family and I really don't have too many close friends, but I'm so happy for the serious relationships that I do have. This is my family. This is my heart.

Yo, tried to say a prayer last night before I rested my head. It failed, as it always has for my entire life, probably because of my less-than-zero faith in any of that western religious funny-speak. Still, it was such a wonderful day that I wanted to bless it, ya know? I guess I did. With a heavy dose of sarcasm, but it got the job done.

Let's live in peace and fight the devil.

2003-02-20 06:49:30 ET

Final portion of my dream: I visit a whore house located right on the side of some busy street in some building. Lots of naked sweaty boys. Lots of totally subserviant, crying women who generally layed silent and motionless while guys humped them at normal speeds. I was really turned off by the general scene, as well as smell. I mean, I was just trying to have a good time and get it on. I didn't want to inflict too much emotional damage. There were a couple of older women who seem like maybe they could handle it without crying. I even saw my friend Joel humping someone. I think he was doing okay 'cause the girl wasn't in tears. Pretty gross dream.

So, on that, I think I better finish my beer from last night before I go to school.

HAVE A BEAUTIFUL DAY to whoever reads this shyte!

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