| Hmph... 2005-06-13 14:20:08 ET |
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Ever have one of those times in your life, be it a week or several months, where you just feel completely and totally anti-social, misanthropic, to the point that the sight of another human being causes you to feel physically ill? Well, I am having one of those weeks right now, actually, I was having one of those weeks last week, and I swear, even if people do not actually see me, it is as though they can pick up on my negative vibes and chose wisely to leave me be, lest I snap their necks in my irriation. I rarely if ever get angry, but lately, it seems that every little slight, or imagined slight is magnified ten fold, I am letting things bother me that never would have in the past, and I dislike the feeling intensely.
A certain amount of vanity is inherent in each of us, if you have ever looked at a mirror before you left the house, you are vain, but that is different than caring what others think of you, which I feel I might have started doing lately, which really bothers me, since my identity is that I do not care about such meaningless things, people either like you, or they do not, there is nothing you can do if someone chooses to hate you, most likely, it has nothing to do with you in the first place, but I think with all the stress surrounding me in my life currently, stress over leaving my family and all my friends here in the So of Cal, what I am going to do with myself, my future in general, it has begun to affect me in a negative way so I think I might just take a step back for a bit, try to stay out of the limelight until I am feeling better prepared to deal with all the nonsense.
The more I consider it, the more I feel that my move to Florida may be the best thing for me at this point in my life, I believe I am at a crossroads and the decisions I make in the next few months may shape what I am to become in the future...or perhaps I am reading way too far into this, I have been known to do so in the past. So I am just going to forget all the other B.S in my life and simply focus on enjoying my last few weeks here with my family and my boss friends, you know who you are!
Ah, but I do digress, constantly and unceasingly, please let me know if my prattle bores you, I swear, I shall consider doing it less often.
I do not know how often I will get the oppurtunity to update in the next few weeks that will be rife with chaotic happenings, this week I only have today and Wed off, the rest of the days I am working, I do not know if I am even going to be able to make it to Bunker because of my work schedule, which is just as well, since I am not really feeling the whole club thing right now, I go through my moods. I am however going to Wumpskate tonight, and I cannot skate so that should be interesting, I might just sit and observe others, I think of myself as a Watcher rather than an active participant, I get valuable insights into people that way.
Ha ha, one amusing thing that did happen to me last week was that I was approached by some blonde porn star and was asked if I would be interested in doing "adult work?" Ah, only at Maschine, the craziness. ~_^
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| The meaning of my birthday... 2005-05-29 22:18:06 ET |
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Your Birthdate: July 8 |
Born on the 8th day of the month, you have a special gift for business, as you can conceive and plan on a grand scale.
You have good executive skills and you're a good judge of values.
You should try to own your own business, because you have such a strong desire to be in control.
You are generally reliable when it comes to handling money; you can be trusted in this regard.
Idealistic by nature, you are never too busy to spend some time on worthwhile causes, especially if managerial support are needed.
There is much potential for material success associated with this number. |
Um, okay. *Scratches head* Well, the control part is at least true to my actual character and I do have a head for business, as I on occasion watch CNBC, for fun's sake, don't ask, I do not know either.
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| Me with a gun and power, it's as scary as it sounds! 2005-05-23 14:40:24 ET |
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As of late, the last few weeks anyways, I have been thinking about my future and the seemingly limitless amount of things I have wanted to do, the careers that I have been interested in and through the years, have discarded along the way, I am fickle to say the least, non-committal, which gets me into trouble in many aspects of my life. So I have decided to focus my energy and attention on one goal, in my opinion, setting a goal for yourself gives one's life much needed structure, I need a defined plan of action or else I become distracted. With all this said and considered, I have come to the decision that I am going to pursue a career in law enforcement. Yes, this is coming from the same girl who posses several sociopathtic tendencies, though in actuality, I honestly do not think that is going to impair me in any way on my career path, hey, it might even help. I have kept this to myself, not knowing how others may react to hearing about it, yes, I know all the benefits and drawbacks of the career but I am ready to meet the challenges, come as they may. It will be awhile yet before I really get into it, more towards the end of the year when I have things more taken care of. At least if I do become a police officer, I will have my choice of places to live, because I know several cities in Ca alone who are desperate for police officers. ^_^
That being said, I will go on to the other events of the last few days. This weekend was interesting to say the least, my friends, in their infinite wisdom decided to drag me to a hip hop club on Saturday night, yes, they honestly thought this was a good idea. All I did was sit outside on the smoking patio, looking rather bored and irritated, needless to say, not one person said a word to me, many did look at me though, only to receive a cold glare in return, yea frosty shoulders! Ugh, I hate hip hop music with a fanatic passion, and I was stuck there for two hours!
Sunday was better, I had to work all weekend, like most weekends, since that is when our store is the busiest, today I feel a bit under the weather because of my active weekend, much relaxing abounds! After work I went with a few of my friends to go shopping, spending money I really shouldn't be spending but it had been so long since I had a good shopping experience, I had to go! I ended up buying a new corset top at Ipso Facto, this lovely visual/jrocky looking Lip Service top, and a bunch of stickers for my lunchbox. Than we made our way to Electric Chair and I bought the new Psyclon_9 cd and a new syringe pen, with red ink, huzzah! Than the night was topped off by fun at El Chamber, where I spent the night chatting with friends.
I am feeling rather content today, just my usual concerns, mostly having to do with money and all the things I still need to buy, I still need to get a new Rosiel wig for my cosplays and a white long sleeve dress shirt that fits the type that I will require, sigh, I am thinking strongly of getting another job when I move, just until I can pay everything off and no longer have to concern myself with it. But on a positive note, I finally received my industrial stickers, a bunch of KMFDM stickers, a PIG one, heh, for Lucifer, and much to my suprise, about seven extra Wax Trax stickers, so if anyone wants a Wax Trax sticker, let me know, I only have a limited supply!
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| What I think about you...Stolen from Luciferette 2005-05-19 11:55:29 ET |
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01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
02. I will then tell what song/movie remind me of you.
03. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, it would be...
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
08. Put this in your journal
Now do not take advantage of this, it would be better if I knew you in at least some context, or else I am just guessing from what I have read in your journal or biographical pieces.
BTW, VnV was great last night, what I saw of it and that was not terribly much since I have a bad back and standing any extended period of time in platform boots just is not in the cards for me. Than why did I wear them you ask, because I am idiot who thinks they make my legs look hotter. Gods, I am so shallow! *Hangs head down*
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| VNV Nation Anyone? 2005-05-16 15:17:32 ET |
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I suppose a better question would be who is not going to be going to see VNV Nation, though I am speaking about the Anaheim show at the HOB in particular. If any of my fellow Skers are going, let me know so we can meet in person, I would enjoy that.
And wow, was the the most uncreative subject I have ever written, eh, I am feeling too languid to write something more creative.
Not a great deal has been happening in my life, there was a ten day span where I did absolutely nothing because I was too sick, and decided that in order to get better, I would have to forgo my social life for a short time at least. I did not desire to do so since I am not going to be here much longer and I want to enjoy every moment I can with my friends before I finally do go, but what can be done? As long as I do not get sick yet a third time, I should be alright, I have far too much planned in the next few weeks to want to waste my time lying in bed.
On a positive note, the Hot Topic in Port Richey Florida seems quite interested in hiring me, I would love to get the transfer since I loathe searching for jobs intensely, especially in the middle of a FL summer. *Shudders* And lastly...
 | You scored as Modernist. Modernism represents the thought that science and reason are all we need to carry on. Religion is unnecessary and any sort of spirituality halts progress. You believe everything has a rational explanation. 50% of Americans share your world-view.
Modernist | | 100% | Existentialist | | 94% | Materialist | | 88% | Cultural Creative | | 69% | Idealist | | 63% | Romanticist | | 56% | Postmodernist | | 56% | Fundamentalist | | 25% |
What is Your World View?
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