Dude...    2006-08-11 10:39:44 ET
So, a while back, I signed up for an informational phone call with the Animal Behavior College for dog training. They have a huge network of mentor-trainers and connections with local animal shelters, etc, and I was interested...but I've been avoiding their phone calls because I was scared...not necessarily because of being afraid of failing...but afraid that it might be a scam...but I don't think it is, anymore...they seem to have a good reputation...and they cover all of the things that the Assoc. of Pet Dog Trainers says to ask about.

But still I'm worried...is this a waste of money? Is it really what I want to do? What are my parents going to think? Is this stupid? Is it fear, thought distortions and my "inner critic" that are telling me to be nervous, or is it intuition? What is it about the situation that has me all riled up...

I guess it'll work like this: If I get approved for the loan, I'll do it....if not, I won't. Simple as that...and the way it would have to work, anyway.

I guess we'll see how this plays out...I hope to god that wasn't stupid...

 My Dog Votes    2006-08-04 07:37:23 ET
So, Kansas City's local news station is having a poll on whether or not pit bulls should be banned, click HERE and vote no! ;]
1 comment

 Roomie    2006-07-29 21:24:45 ET
So the room is all ready for the Amberlady to move in tomorrow...Everything that couldn't be fit into Waylon's room is now strewn across the apartment at random...soon, we will be able to have some semblance of order...but it's just a matter of time until that happens. Mayhap motivation will come some day. I need to get rid of shit...no more pack-ratting, dammit! I have too many socks.

My energy is sapped...I'm tired of thinking and just simply want to be...is that what it means to need a vacation? If so, I'd really like to go somewhere more exciting than Savannah...although Savannah is nice, too.

Went to Sean's wedding tonight...it was so cute. They are stupid in love with eachother, and grinned all throughout the ceremony and reception, gazing puppy-eyed into one another's eyes...ahh, l'amoure

 School?    2006-07-23 22:33:21 ET
Every so often I get this urge to go back to school...and every time I do, I fail miserably...but it makes me wonder if it's an inevitable cycle or just that a part of me knows I will end up there some day?

Well, the urge has returned and the pull is damn strong. I must admit that the thought of possibly going back to school is always at the back of my mind...the thought that maybe I could have become something better than a hairstylist...will I look back on my life in another 25 years and be satisfied with the choices I made? As I see it now, that answer will be "no".

I do know this: If I could have the chance to re-take the ISLS course I took in 1999-2000 I would jump on it like a whore during a red light special and ride that shit to the moon (Wow...that is decidedly the most Waylon/Bukowski-esque thing I've ever written). I wish I could go back in time and work harder so that I could look back on 6 years ago and say, "damn that was awesome in every possible way." But instead, I knew I would regret not doing better, but it didn't make me strive any harder, and I just plain didn't care at the time. Now that I'm a little wiser and can sit down for more than 10 min at a time, I feel like that opportunity was wasted on spotted and inconstant hands. Damn mine eyes!!!

Anyway, I want to see if it's possible to do a educational "do-over". See if I can wipe the slate clean and start all over again...possibly with that program. The trouble with doing ISLS over is that it's on suspension pending a full evaluation on it's efficacy and value to the school...which means it may not be there for another term. It's a total bummer.

Just for good measure...and just in case:

Dear God,
I know I've been a bad girl at times, if you really exist...please give me this opportunity and I'll do my best not to screw it up this time. Please?


I think, perhaps, that some midnight cheese may help my decision along...

     2006-07-21 11:56:25 ET
Getting to work has been difficult this week. I guess I am feeling less than adequate...which I know I'm not, but try telling my head that. Debating the whole hair thing, now. You just can't please everyone, and that is traumatizing for me. I get weird and panicky when I have to go to work...I can't imagine why I went from "I LOVE MY JOB!" to "I'm afraid of my job".

In any case, I'm off again today,...I was going to get some work done on the apt., but I'm not feeling motivated...I'm not even motivated to leave the house to get food...which we are out of here. WOOT!'

Anyhow...people suck...then we move on, I guess...

More later...

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