so simply stupid    2006-06-27 19:32:04 ET
Like always, itís been awhile without updating this blog, though, now I do have many stuff to write about, but Iím not sure if I have the patience to describe them all.

Well, the concerts went somehow well, great people came, and got along well with many of them. It was somehow a bit awkward that I had two younger boys to lodge with me, because they were 12 and 15 years old, and in the 3 nights they stayed with me, the first one they decided to stay home while I was out with the ďgrown upsĒ, the other 2 nights they agreed to come with me but they were a little separate from us, same with the 3rd night; I understand a 12 year old boy would be happier playing videogames than spending time with a bunch of drunk people, and maybe many guys already drink at their 15 years of age, but this guy was a more calmed person, also, a Jew, and I had never meet Jewish people before, so I tried to be careful on not saying any offending comments, like some people did, yelling ĎHitlerí while he was near by. I in fact commented him that 2 of my favorite legendary violinists were also Jews, being Heifetz and Milstein who I refer to.

Oh, I forgot to mention that some days earlier to this event I got sick... oh, yes, I did mentioned on the last post; well, I was on medicaments. So, while the people of the orchestra went out these 3 nights, they were always drinking beer, and I abstained from drinking due the meds and condition... except for the last night, since I was that my meds should end on Sunday, the night of Saturday (the last night) I thought ďwhat a fuck, just one day leftĒ, thus I did get quite drunk like the others, and yet, I drove drunk to take home two persons and finally mine.

That night I had for dinner a hamburger, and the next day (after the drunk night) also were offered a hamburger but in the whole say I didnít felt hungry at all, by the contrary, I was full because of so many coke and water I drink later. Finally at night around 10pm, I threw up like a dragon. I saw some of the salad of the hamburger I ate. Yet, that was not enough and went to the bathroom at midnight around 6 times to discard brownish liquids through my ass; I couldnít sleep well, because I woke up to go to the bathroom that night almost every 40 minutes, and happened 6 times. The next morning I thought I was going to die on a sofa, but I slightly got better. I drank more water, ate little, and rest more; I went to bed at 11pm.

So, like I said, yesterday I went to bed at 11pm and today I woke at 11am. It was incredible I donít recall sleeping completely 12 hours before like this time. I didnít wake up like sometimes that when waking up at 7 or 8 you just go to bed again and fall asleep, no, I did sleep 12 hours in a row. It was nice.
Now to these sickness events Iíll try to eat healthier this week and try to sleep better (not staying up late at nights) because the next week Iím going to travel, like a said on the previous post, now my turn to go out and play with another orchestra. Thus Iím a bit afraid that those people will also take us to get drunk at nights. When am I going to learn to take care of my health for fuck sake?

Ok, so right now itís 11:30pm, I guess I better go to bed if I want to recover some health.
Sometimes I want so badly to be slapped by a woman. Fresh and beautiful women hands.

 someone punch me    2006-06-19 19:24:46 ET
I finally finished classes and exams and such from school, last week. I was lucky at passing a subject called Signals Digital Processing, in which I was very worry about, because I didnít do that well in some exams, but fortunately I did pass.
So, now projects in mind: start drawing again whenever I can, and study violin.

Lately I did draw the face of a friend, but I didnít like it that much how the drawing ended up. I still have problems to get the perfect perception of space, so her eyes looked funny. Then the other drawing Iím in now is the pretty face of member Terror., Iím almost done, perhaps from 3 to 4 sessions more.

On other news, I have concerts with the orchestra on next weekend (June 23rd and 24th), with some guests o other states playing with us. Then from July 2nd to 14th its my turn to go out with another orchestra and play with them, that one looks very promising.

On bad news: I got sick; I think itís a cold. Ironically, because the weatherís been hellish hot around 30įC/86įF and 40įC/104įF, thus I let the air on one night (and I always bath at nights, so I had my head a little wet) and next morning seemed a bit chilly and my throat felt dry, then today, Iíve had more of throat ache and annoying headache, almost as high temperature. It sucks to be sick. I need more kleenex!

 say something.    2006-06-08 18:07:13 ET
I havenít updated here in ages, although I do log in and see some journals. I guess I donít have much to say.
Well letís see; Iím almost done with school, only two classes left, one of them the professor asked us when do we wanted the exam, on Thursday, Friday or Sunday. It ended with zero votes on Thursday, 9 votes on Friday and 11 on Saturday. Fuck! By only two votes! I wanted it on Friday! Why the fuck did they want an exam on Saturday at 7:00 a.m.? Insane bitches. Whatever, whatís done is done. Then another exam for the other class on Monday at 8am.

As for the violin, Iím studying some repertoire for the orchestra, from which the difficult pieces are: the first movement of Mendelssohnís 4th symphony, the ďItalian symphonyĒ, Khachaturianís Masquerade suite and Mozartís Marriage of Figaro Overture. They are quite difficult for me, and as much I practice there are some parts that keep me sweating.

I havenít gone to the movies in ages, and I have been thinking of going but Iím not sure what should I see; and I suppose Iíll end going alone. I wish I could have someone to hug.

 un-untitled    2006-05-25 17:03:55 ET
Apparently there is only 1 week more left to end classes in school, though, Iíll probably will still be there for a few more exams. I still have work thatís in group and itís due to next week; tomorrow weíll try to see what can we do.

Also, Iíve been thinking to get out of stone ages and finally buy a cell phone, because itís been hard to locate people lately. The reason of not having one was because since Iím not so social or had many friends that would wanted to locate me, but lately, for concertos or other stuff, itís been important having communication. Alas, I donít know anything of cell phones, Iím so futile.

On other news, I have decided to start drawing again. A few days ago I started drawing something but I havenít finished because of having many papers and works for school, but once Iím free of it, Iíll continue drawing more.

 sweet dreams are made of this...    2006-05-03 11:17:41 ET
Four days ago, last Saturday, I had the weirdest dream:

I was having another of these youth orchestras selection, where we meet people from other orchestras and play altogether to give a concert, like weíve done so many times.
Well, after one rehearsal, some of us went out at night to just hang out with foreign orchestra people on several places, like touring them, whatever. Thus, I was immediately attracted to this girl that had a beautiful face, dark color clothes, black hair, light skin, totally gorgeous, and in spite that she was quite more extroverted than me, she didnít seem to be bored by my company; also, she seemed to understand me about stuff that no many people do. She in deed seemed to be having a good time with me, and me with her. I was actually feeling so happy; it was somehow strange feeling happy, due my constant apathetic humor, but I enjoyed at the moment.
Then, one night, we were in some street with so much people, like if there were a carnival or something, anyway, finally I gut the guts to tell her how beautiful she is and how she made me feel. She got so close to me, and I couldnít resist anymore but taste her lips, and as I did, she hugged me so hard as if she wanted to cry... but continued kissing me. We just kept holding hands, talking and hanging out all night.
The next night, we also went out to the same place with many people, and were having some much fun together. We jumped some fences, set up things on fire, threw some garbage, yelled to people, really crazy stuff, but I was enjoying it. Oh, I forgot to say that, she also played violin and normally she was hanging out with some guys of the other orchestra; some of them seemed ok, except but to guys that were always giving me defiant glances, like they didnít like me at all. One of them I didnít like at all either; he seemed to be a complete fag, wearing shiny colored clothes and talking weird, like a bitch, so annoying.
Anyway, the next day we continue hanging out, this time went to some mall, and there we found her friends already there, some were drunk and the fag one and the other guy seemed more than drunk, like totally drugged. She went to talk to them, I couldnít listen what they were saying, but she seemed to be annoyed, so I came over and the fag stopped me with his hand trying to push me away. I immediately pushed him back telling him no to fucking touch me. Then the other guy who seemed more manly and didnít like me either approached. So drugged he barely could talk, but I did understand him, he said something like ďoh what the fuck, why donít just we kill everybody here? HahahaĒ. Then he took out a gut from his jacket and without hesitating shoot me twice.
The first shoot barely brushed my arm and impacted in a window of glass behind me. The second shoot did hit me in my chest and I fell down to the floor and bleed. Everybody stared to panic, except the one that shoot me and the fag, who were laughing hard at me. My loved girl was crying and screaming, she wanted to come near me but some of the guys stopped her and told her to get all the fuck out of there.
I was laying in the floor, bleeding, but not dead. I could feel the blood and some pain, but I didnít feel like in danger of dying, probably the shoot wasnít lethal, the thing is that I knew I was hurt but I wanted to remain in the floor thinking. I was so sad, the only thing I could care was ďwhy? Why the fuck every time I seem to start feeling good, something fucks so badly? Why do these bitches had to ruin it? I was so happy with her, why canít I be happy? Why is it that no one wants me to be happy? Why do they come?Ē As I was thinking all of these I started to stand up slowly, now feeling the most incredible rage and fury I ever felt. I wasnít scared of almost dying or sad because they ruined the fun. I was madly angry. I entered a state of berserk in which I couldnít do anything else but walk towards these 2 bitches who were still laughing but looking in a different position. I yelled them as hard as I could when I was close enough, and immediately took the fag one and beat him as hard as I could, thus that I did killed him with only my hands. Still in this berserk state walked towards the other guy, who was so scared that dropped the gun and with my bloodstained hands moving slowly to beat him too and could only say one thing to him: ďWhy?Öwhy?Ē.

I only remember that last scene, and then I woke up at 6:30 am, and my chest was throbbing so hard. I also felt my body warm and exhausted like if I had went to jogging or something. Symptoms properly described was if woken up from a nightmare. Alas, the true nightmare was discovering that the few happy moments were just a dream.

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