| 2:00 am 2004-09-11 21:57:05 ET |
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I’ve been having all day my nose blocked, sneezing, and some of throat ache too, hopefully it’ll go away soon. The only thing that makes me feel good is to drink a coke.
I know maybe no one here will know what I’m talking about so maybe I’m just writing this to myself:
At 2:00 am once again I realize that besides my favorite 4 violin concertos (Beethoven, Mendelssohn, Tchaikovsky & Brahms) I can definitely say that I totally also adore Khachaturian’s concerto, I know it’s a really far difference of music genre from the other 4, but ...oh, damn, this one also is great. I've just heard 2 recordings though, Kogan Monteux and of course Itzhak Perlman; I can't decid which one I like better, what it's true is that I love Khachaturian's concerto now as one of my all favorites.
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| Days over days. 2004-09-10 20:58:12 ET |
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Today I got too depressed, just about a couple hours ago, damn depressed. Maybe one solely reason becomes many when you see it from different eyes.
I’m sick, like caught a cold or something, my head hurts.
I don’t know if I’m still worth of something, maybe I just waste space in subkultures.net always writing the same mood of my life all over. I then should write other psychotic ideas, or insane dreams and impossible fantasies; or just a normal “journal”? What did I do today?
-I had a test at 7:00 am; at 1:00 pm they already had the results, I flunked, thank you.
-I decide to go with classmates to a pool-bar, I didn’t drink because I’ve been borrowing the car and I still don’t dare to drive drunk at 3:oo pm, so I only played billiard.
-At 7:00 pm went to music thing, bored, nothing new on “theory” music, perhaps he already knows that I know too much.
-At 8:30 pm went to see a concert of the Camerata. There, at 9:30 or 10:00 pm got over depressed while having many thoughts. Came back home, then at 11:00 pm practiced the violin for an hour or so. Then took a shower, then I’m here. In the Dark.
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| necro fog 2004-09-04 01:12:16 ET |
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It’s about 5:00 a.m., I don’t know if I should be asleep or dead.
I just know that some while ago I was drunk with some old colleagues from high school, as usual, I can’t seem to be a good drinker, 4 beers and some other Ron-like and that’s all for me. I hadn’t seem those guys since like 2 years ago. We all got drunk. But as usual, in any social circumstance, I’m like having the normal personality disorder in secret. While I’m laughing at their shit-drunk-talking, I’m feeling the usual painful mind inside my head.
Realizing that I still have the worst pathetic life they could have met, I become more and more aware of how I’m so ridiculously dumbass in this world. While they were talking about all their “places and techniques to fuck a girl”, they all seem to be pimps to me, made me feel like a shy maggot, I cry inside my head being another irrelevant romantic failure conceived in this planet. The drunkness is almost passed now to me, I’m just dizzy; but I still can think some honest cognitive coherence to write what I’m thinking. Maybe the main reason why I agreed to go with them to get drunk was because I got too depressed at midday after flunking two tests at school.
Woe is me. I have nothing of worth for someone. My heart cries flames. The incognita is set to put an end or to but a nee beginning. Blood drown. Where am I to end? Someone hug me or kill me without remorse. The poet is sinking in tears just to find more blood. I’m not sure why the philosophical templates of insanity seem so common to my eyes. Tired, so tired, I need to rest... in any form.
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| choke 2004-08-31 19:45:36 ET |
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The breathing problem seems to be quite better, though I still feel weird, like not having enough space to breathe, so damn weird, it makes try to expand more my chest or something sometimes I even feel the need to rise my shoulders.
Fuck, I’ve been having a lot a fucking works from school. One due to Thursday, another 2 due Friday, and also one test tomorrow and other 2 more on Friday. Crap, why so many homework and shit? All I wanted is to learn some crazy math. I haven’t had time to do drawings, being more here in sk.net and reading and writing music like I wanted. Maybe this semester is going to be more tough than I thought.
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| above the knife 2004-08-28 19:04:42 ET |
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Well, I haven’t shown up here since a week I guess, it was mainly because of school works and shit. Damn, it almost seems to be a fucking semester on how to use Mathcad (a math equations software). The past concerts I mentioned about in the last entry, in my point of view sucked so much ass, as I was guessing, fucking winds section, don’t know how to count at all; besides, I got really raged and mad about some bitchass queer shit motherfucker fagots, I wish they rot in hell, nasty asssuckers.
I wonder everyday (literally) if there are really some people I could worth thinking of friends, or if really anybody would miss me if I just suddenly go... just go way. In some way I really wish no one missed me if I disappear or something. I mean, I always been the left-alone-in-a-corner antisocial scum, so no wonder why I become so apathetic and sometimes insane about anything. Bah... fucking people, if they decided to do thing in a more prudent way and not just bulshiting with unnecessary crap, then at least I’d worth something for someone... blah, what do I complaint? It’s my own irony of complaints what have made me so despicable for many. Whenever I die I only wish it to be cloudy day.
edit: Oh, and I don't know why since about 4 or 5 days ago I've been feeling like trouble when breathing, like if something in my chest is wrong. It's annoying not being able to breathe freely.
i - ii7(b5) - V - i
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