Updated gallery    2004-03-28 21:40:52 ET
I updated a new drawing a finished a couple days ago, that actually had started drawing it since several months ago, but I was such a slacker that I barely remembered to finished it now.
Well, I'm aiming to dowanload more albums, I already spent some time listening to Demons & wizards (power m.) and Arch Enemy (Black m.), I was hoping to get one Samael (black m.) and maybe Majestic (power m.) or King Diamond (heavy m.). Whatever, I need some music.
2 comments

 Dumb dumb dizzy dizzy dumb dumb.    2004-03-20 22:21:07 ET
My bitched life, ...but mostly, my fucked up mind.

Past Friday I went out of school with some friends to a bar and get drunk. Fuck, it had been really, damn really long since I didnít drink, so I ended up too drunk, yet Iím not a good drinker, my friends told me about their other days of drinking and they so seem to be like really proud drunks, and I think I also feel proud of having drunk friends, but like I said, Iím not a good drinker, neither I wish or feel likely to become a big drunk like them, but having to deal with many other mainstream-cocky-childish-ďnormalĒ people that often are looking me as the fucked up weird shit in the orchestra, that do makes me feel proud of having drunk friends.

Whatever, I was 2 pm when we got drunk then, so at 3 pm when we all were coming back to our homes I was too dizzy I wish I could have had some sleep then, but I couldnít because we had to play a fucked of concert at 7 pm in some shit-hole place of seminary for religious-christian fucks, like for those who want to become priest or stuff. But the concert was at 8 pm, so when I got there the dizziness had gone away, and that made me wonder, how would it be like if I ever get to play drunk? heh, it would be interesting.

Also, Iíve completely seen that many of the reasons why Iím constantly feeling like crap, is not like the reasons that other fucked up people also feels like crap, many other people feel like this way either because they have had issues with their family, their couples, friends, job, school, society, etc., but not me, whenever people starts showing off how fucked up they are, I donít anything to say, like the others, that have troubled parents, that have troubled people, that had passed out by drunkenness or drugs or whatever, because I have never had such like that, because my problems really seems to all in my mind, Iím not socially talented like many, my ďfucked up experiencesĒ come mainly from my mind, all my fucked up mind, so I donít know now what is worst, to suffer like many others, or to suffer like I always do. At the end I canít escape from suffering.
5 comments

 Bitter tears.    2004-03-12 22:37:11 ET
Iíve been slacking a lot in school, if either I donít understand much of some classes I think itís time to read something of any of the books; but damn me, Iím always so distracted by anything else, mainly music.

Everyday I feel more outside of anything, wherever I try to look into I found something that disgusts me, like a bitter old man about to die, always hating some people and other things, but I donít often show it. Fuck, I hate this new emo-punkish stuff, I see kids like that everywhere I look, now thatís the new mainstream, and I hate it. Hear me, I sound like a bitter old man, shit.

How sick can someone be without being extroverted? I wish I knew more introverted people, Iím sick of always dealing with fucking joyful people, they always tell me to ďbe happyĒ just like that, without any reason. Well, for all of you that (trying to cheer up someone) have ever tell to anyone ďto be happyĒ, think before talking..., happiness is not a mood, itís a reward.
3 comments

 Where to go    2004-03-07 20:01:04 ET
I still have lots of problems for concentrating when reading. I can't read well, I'm always getting distracted, paranoid me, I start reading anything and then I move my eyes to somewhere else just to... see what else is around (?), well I wish I could read easily like everyone else.
I know it may not sound gothic or anything but the theme song of Serial Experiments Lain is quite a nice song and I like it: Boa - Duvet. It's really nice and relaxing.

Whatever, I wish I had a batmobile, I wish I lived on the moon and come down to earth whenever I wanted. I want to learn many things, I like knowledge but it seems knowledge hurts me too. I need to start listening to more cds again; I'm lost in music, undefined in drawings. It' night, instead of a lullaby, I need a kiss.
3 comments

 The thought of the night.    2004-03-05 21:25:02 ET
To wonder at night.
Sometimes thatís one thing you remember of your life.
To be barely lightened by a weak glow within the gloom.
The philosophy, the ideas, either inside or outside of the room.
Just as dark as calm it is, to wonder at night.

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