The usual    2004-02-28 18:41:47 ET
Well... I hadnít been here in ages, but Iím sort of back... well, Iíll try now to be more often updating here, for the moment I can say that I havenít had time to keep listening to some goth/black/metal bands since I still have been quite excited on the violin stuff, thus Iíve listening to a lot of classical repertoire, but whatever, Iím sure Iíll find some space to keep listening the shit I used to. Just to conclude now, I cans y nothing more than my life is still as shitty or worse as usual, whatever, I do wonder if Iíll die young or old. Fuck.

 In Awe.    2004-02-16 18:20:24 ET
How to describe everything I have in mind? Itís been too much, and I really mean too much.

I had been absent a while because I was either too damn busy or tired or whatever. All the past weeks I had a lot of rehearsal because just this past weekend (from February 12 to 15 of 2004) we had another big music festival. Called the 2nd Groups of Symphonic Groups, it was consisted in gathering about 12 orchestras from different states and all of them to play together forming one huge orchestra of about 400 musicians, in other words, totally madness. I had a lot of experiences with that.

Thursday. Almost all the orchestras started coming to the city from 6 am to 2 pm, so that at 2 pm we all had a meal, then at 4 pm had the first rehearsal, then at about 8 pm, had dinner, then about at 10 pm all exhausted everyone went to their homes or hotels where they were staying and practically go to bed at 11:30 pm.
In that day we met a lot of people, and the directors assigned our places in the orchestra, I got to be in the second place of the second violins sharing the music stand with a professional violinist. Oh, yes, I forgot to mention, since many different childrenís orchestras and youth orchestras were coming, some of their teacher also were invited to join us and there were within us some professional musician, and I got to be next to a 20 something year old girl, a true music conservatory graduated violinist, so imagine my face when seeing her playing. Her name is Lenia, and she was very friendly to me.

Friday. That day consisted in that the orchestras were playing concerts separately in many places from 9 am to 7 pm, then at 7 pm again all of them gathered to form the big gathered and have another rehearsal. Again I sat next to Lenia talked to me about her studies and some stuff concerning the playing and techniques of the violin, she was very nice and friendly, always been funny and naughty when playing something, too bad I didnít have the time to get me a picture with her, but she did gave me her address to keep in contact with her, she said she could probably send some sheet music to me and also me to her. Well, after this other big rehearsal at 11 pm, again we all went home.

Saturday. We all gathered at 10 am to have another rehearsal. Then at 2 pm had a break, and then at 4 pm prepare to finally give the 1st concert, which was in the same place where all the rehearsals were. I admit it was the worst possible place to give a concerto of classical music, but there wasnít any other place were 400 people could fit, it had the worst acoustic, so the sound was terrible, hence with had a lot of troubles when rehearsing but finally the first concert had to be. And again, like the last year, the music repertoire was subdivided in 3 levels, A, B and C; being the C the easiest one, where all the 400 persons could play, then the B not so easy music, about 300 people played, and finally the A, where the really difficult pieces were played, perhaps only 100 persons or less played. And the innovation of this was that Arturo Marquez, the composer of the Danzůn No. 2, conducted his own music and we were really glad to have him with us, his a very nice person. At the end of the concert, many of us were asking autographs of him. Then had dinner and at 11 pm went home again.

Sunday. We had to be in the same place at 10 am, so that at 12 give the second concert. So it was, and finalizing it we went to another place to have meal and then at 4 pm go to another place, like a small stadium or something to give the third and last concert at 6 pm. It was also a bad place for playing, but as I said, there was no other place to fit all the 400 persons. Then, finalizing, approximately at 8 pm, some orchestras had to go immediately, some others did stay to have a cake to mark the end of the festival. So Finally at 10 pm I could get back to home, and try to have some sleep.

Experiences. Of course I had a lot of experiences, many stuff in what to think of, so many ideas, a sea of thoughts, but I hardly find a way to express it in another way than just live it again. There were many things I disliked, some others I enjoyed; some things I hated, some others I loved. I hated the place where we played, physically, it was more of a basketball place like, but never for an orchestra, as well as I didnít like the attitude of some people; yet, there were also stuff that I enjoyed, for example, being next to Lenia, a professional violinist teacher who was kind to me and gave me many advices for improving the playing of the violin. I am going to write her soon, and ask her other advices about it or just thank her again for her great company. Also, I liked having the maestro Marquez with us. I talked to him on Thursday and asked some stuff about him and his works, then asked for his autograph and he gladly agreed. And felt happy when in the last day, Sunday, I asked him one more time his autograph and he remembered my name (since many other people also went to talk to him like I did). These to persons inspired me a lot and also make me wonder if I am inside of me truly wanting to be a true violinist or composer in the future, but I can assure that I definitely have a new vision of music. The greatest accomplishment of audio. Music, like a science, so intellectual and universally immortal; yet as a true majestic fine art, its beauty is so infinite as the same knowledge.

 Tuning.    2004-02-04 21:20:35 ET
Since the last 4 days I've been sick, I'm not sure of what, but my throat is killing me, it fucking aches me a lot. Damn me and my stupid sickness, now a while ago my nose was bleeding too, fuck I bleed some.

Well, the Music Festival is next week, on Feb 12, 13, 14 and 15. Where only the last 2 days weíll have concerts, the other 2 a lot of rehearsal. I just still donít know how the fuck did our director come with the idea of gathering approximately 15 orchestras to make one. One year ago, we were about 250 people orchestra, this year itís supposed to be 500. This is a damn madness; I doubt I will barely breathe. So... weíre doing lots of rehearsals, especially for one piece whose composer, Arturo Marquez, is going to come in person and conduct his own work, ďDanzůn no. 2Ē.
And talking about the orchestra, I think I havenít mentioned that thereís this little 8-year-old girl who I think sheís been nice with me. I say it because normally girls that age donít see me as a friend. She reminds me to when I went to Dallas and also a little girl, Cynthia, started to be friends with me. Now this girl, Natalie, makes me feel nice when she comes to me an talks to me or just wants me to tune her violin, thus Iím going to do as possible help her be a good violinist.

My throat stil hurts, damn.

 Bite the wrong flesh.    2004-01-30 21:42:58 ET
I wonder if my life is just an illness that terminates with death.
I did go to Ďmeetí this girl again, I felt so... needless to say? As usual, way to shy, but this time I had like a weirder feeling of madness, so I think I behave really different to what I really am, ugh, like trying to be talkative or something... owe, my endless word, pathetic. I even feel really embarrassed posting this. I feel like puking my brain. All this mix if thoughts and feelings confuse me even more on whether asking myself the right question... when is all this going to end, or going to start?

 Drawing faces.    2004-01-27 20:20:28 ET
Strange stuf... some time ago my violin teacher, had told me that there was a girl she disliked because something of his boyfriend, so I met her by mirc to ask her what was her problem, she only said that she and my violin teacher had issues, anyway her name is April and I talked to her for a while; that was months ago. Then I happens that she knows one of my cousins and told him to tell me Ďhelloí which surprised me that she still remembered me since then. My cousin gave me her email so I could talk to her again, she was looking for any Lacuna Coil album, I told her that I had one, so we agreed on meet on a place and lend her the CD; I hadnít really met her, only from internet, so I met her quickly because I had other issues, gave her the CD and she thanked me.
Then, we had been chatting for some days, and I told that when I met her she looked pretty to me, and that Iíve been feeling likely for drawing again, so I asked her if she wanted me to draw her, she seemed somehow shy but accepted, so apparently weíre going to meet again probably on Friday at 6:30 pm to either take her some photos and or try to draw her there. Mmh... knowing my social bad luck, Iím just hoping to get to be friends with her.

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