Slowing down    2003-03-15 22:40:15 ET
Ugh... well, again it’s been long since I didn’t write here,,, fuck, ok, I promise I’ll come back more often to write my shit and search for read other’s interesting shit, yes, because at the end of our metabolism we are all shitters, so fuck ... eh, well, it’s just that thing have been really odd lately, I don’t know how to describe it… to say that it seems March has some interesting birthdays, so far I can remember Vivaldi’s on 4th, Michaelangelo’s on 6th, Einstein’s on 14th and Benito Juarez’s (some Mexican president) and J. S. Bach’s both on 21st …yet it’s the same day the Spring starts… eh, so if you ask how come was it that I remember those now… well, it’s part of the weird week I’m having…

Well, on a lighter note, today I had my violin’s lessons again like I hadn’t had in a long time, because yet weeks ago we’d been having more rehearsal and such and my ‘teacher’ had been some other girl who, to my opinion, sucks a lot (as a teacher) compared to Susy, my first formally teacher, but today was nice because I got to have her as my teacher again –at least for today- and oh dude it was nice having her violin wisdom teaching me how to do things right, she does is a great teacher, besides she’s the one dresses the best, heh. Well, we’ll see what happens next Saturday. So far I’ll keep practicing what she taught me today, though I’ll be practicing more the formal violin lessons than the fucking nursery rhymes and Disney themes we’ll be playing on April, damn, those are a really pain sometimes.

I’ve also been listening a lot to the new album I downloaded, which I described in a previous note, it’s Opera IX – Maleventum, and I like it a lot. Also I finished downloading another 3 albums of symphonic black metal, so I’ll have plenty week of listening fine gothic-metal albums.

Ok, so now the mopey part, shall we? Lately I’ve been looking around and I can’t but keep recognizing how fucking miserable and pathetic my existence is; so anyone can do the ingénue, easy and futile job of trying to encourage me telling that not everything’s lost… that I have lot of shit to be a happy asshole… well… it’s really hard to convince me of that lately… depressed, pathetic, fucked up, angsty, whatever you may call me… fuck, I do try to be nice and do good things sometimes, but fuck, as I said above, I just look around me and all these people make me feel so crappy miserable, you may ask why, …ok, why…: say, I try to be gentle with ladies, and courteous where needed; I like prudent ways of thinking and philosophy with wit and thus I like exact and truly natural sciences such as Math and Physics, I appreciate other’s work and advance of biological sciences and technology developments, I like to think with patience and clear wisdom, thus I like Philosophy; I have a love for fine arts thus I practice drawing, tried some painting, listen to a lot of music, I try to learn a musical instrument (violin) and appreciate others art, I feel passion, I like better emotional or suspense-melancholic dramas other than crazy action-funny-popular youngsters likes, I like aesthetic I adore tender female figures; I try to have patience with people… fuck, do you see? You think I could chose any from the above to stop saying that I’m a pathetic human being? Fuck, I wish I could, but for more of a good human that I try to be almost anyone… anyone… I bet all of you who stop by here to read this, any of you could beat me the fuck up by just answering simple questions that I can’t… I whine for it and become more pathetic, yet all of you do could tell me at least what does it feel like to hold your loved one’s hands…
please… tell me...

listen to: Samuel Barber - Adagio for strings

 Vivaldi's Birthday.    2003-03-04 06:32:11 ET
Heh, Today March 4 is Antonio Vivaldi's Birthday, Baroque composer! Let's celebrate a party or something.

Well, anyway, like said on previous entry, my computer's been fucking shitty with internet, yet I finished downloading the new album of Opera IX, it's called "Maleventum", this one is way diferent that the previous other one ("The Black Opera") because the female vocalist left the band, so now with a male vocalist they sound more like any other black metal band; it's a nice album, but the previous one was way much better.

Oh, I haven't had many chance to draw again, but I think I will continue drawing this night, ...this drawing I'm going to put a lot of effort too, like the cemetery one I did, just this one is made up all by my imagination. I'll scan an advance of it when I get back home.

 So this is a... BLAH....    2003-03-01 18:22:39 ET
Fuck, again, I have been without internet some while, this time, because my computer had been some troubleshooting and couldn't recognize the modem... and just right now I'm connected by an external 14.4 Kb modem!!!!!!! AAAhhhh!! it's soooooo slow, damn! well, I don't have much to say by the moment.

 Encore!    2003-02-18 05:58:39 ET
Again, it had been long since I didn’t write here, but well, this time a lot of stuff happened, a fucking lot this past weekend. I don’t remember very well if I had said before about that this weekend there was going to be a huge presentation about the violin thing. Well, it did happen. Many other orchestras from different States came to hour city to join us and play altogether 10 different symphonic pieces of classical music. So the “Art Institute” in were I am was the host for them all, so all (or at least most of us) took charge of hosting the people that was coming over. I got to host two guys of 15 and 18 years old, both violinists, they were nice people. Anyway, so many of us were really busy taking care of all this, that’s why I hand’ had time to connect to internet and check up what was going on here. Summing up, so this whole event was really big, it did come out in a news paper, come on, there were 8 different orchestras from different States and us from here, which made a total of the great mutherfucking number of 250 musicians playing together, 8 or 10 different directors conducting us one for each melody, it took us much effort, discipline and courage to organize all this.

The melodies we played were divided in three levels of difficulty: A, B and C. C for the easiest ones, B for intermediates and A for the advanced ones. This was obviously because not everyone could play them all, there were some little kids of like 7 years old playing with us too, so they had to play only C, then there were others like me that if well we weren’t that young we didn’t have much experience yet, so I played B and C, and for the rest that had more time playing and that were the advanced musicians played A. Well, just in case someone were interested in which melodies we played I’m going to write them below with their difficulty:

C- “Rondo (or Rondeau)” from Abdelazar by Henry Purcell
C- “Baroque Dances Suite” by various authors
C- “Moods of Rachmaninoff” arrangement from two pieces of Rachmaninoff
B- “Everything I Do (I Do it For you)” by Brian Adams
B- “Scenes from Marriage of Figaro” by W. A. Mozart
B- “Sarabande” by Carl Bohm
A- “Egmont” By L. Van Beethoven
A- “Carmen Suite” by G. Bizet
A- “Huapango” by Moncayo
Encore- “Radetzky March” by Johann Strauss

I want to explain, that I didn’t write the above in the order we were playing them because the directors were changing the order frequently; and the one I put there as ‘Encore’ instead of a letter is because it’s called the encore melody the one which closes the concert, that is, the last piece to play, and this one, Radetzky March, was supposed to be played by all, including people from C, even though for my opinion it was even hard for B to play so I really, really doubt that people from C played that one that well. Anyway, so if you can see, from the 10 pieces I got to play 7 of them, which was good, yet, the ones form A were the longer ones, and holy fuck, those were really difficult in deed, I was watching how they were playing and it seemed most of them agreed to say that “Huapango” by Moncayo was the most difficult piece, it was very quick and it had very high notes, or at least the string instruments were the ones with more difficulty in this melody, if you haven’t heard it, I highly recommend you to.

All these people came on Thursday and left on Sunday, so I was busy all these days. We had in total of 5 concerts; one on Friday night, two on Saturday and Sunday at midday and at night. The one on Friday was on an auditorium, the ones on Saturday were outside, on touristy places, and the ones on Sunday were at Theatres, the one we like the most was on the theatre of midday because it was a very well known, formal, and elegant theatre and I think we did our best to play there; they even took us a photo for the news paper in which you can see we really were a lot of people we barely fit.

Now from personal experience, I think I passed through many emotions because of this. I think firstly amazement because of how impressed I was about this huge event; I was in awe also for admiring so may great directors and musicians from different places, specially I admired a lot the directors for they courage to organize and for how well dedicated they seem to be, how well focused they and prudence they showed conducting 250 musicians in front of them. It is really a very big work they have, in fact I don’t care what people think of it, but in my opinion, being a music director/conductor is one of the hardest tasks of leadership that humanity can provide; I know that many can disagree with my by this saying that there are other kinds of leadership that are also hard (mostly such like political-economic-social kinds) but like Einstein said once, “politics are way too ephemeral compared to a simple equation” so, that my taste for science and arts will remain always above than many other human charges, and I can see how much effort it takes to create, compose, play or conduct music like this. Anyway, also, by explaining other emotions through the event I can say I felt happiness and joy in some whiles by feeling cared and being part of this, specially because I didn’t have many friends, and some people started talking to me more than before; like there was this 20 something year old girl that also once gave me violin classes before but didn’t get to know her too much then, but now she was sooo gentle and nice with me, her name is Kathy, which reminded me of the girl I had been drawing and talking about, but this one Kathy wasn’t goth at all, in fact she did seem to be mainstream in some views but… she was nice to me and very funny, she wasn’t obnoxious at all like many prep girls out there, besides she does get along very well with my goth violin teacher, Susy, which I also have talked about, so to say that this girl and Susy get along well means that this Kathy is truly a nice person, but specially because I had some fun when we were at the elegant theatre and we were walking (or almost running) around all over the place, she looked so cute like a wandering little girl having fun running around; and I also heard there was this mature woman in clarinet with the name of Kathy too, though I don’t need to care about her at all because I don’t know her either at all, yet I do could say now that I know two Kathys. Anyway, I also got to talk to other girls there that I didn’t know too much and seemed also friendly, I hope I can have friends there now or something.

But, fuck… like always something not-so-good gad to happen. Well firstly because we were all busy these days and got us very tired. Then sadness inevitable came by, when looking everywhere around many people were with their boyfriends/girlfriends, and specially because of Friday (February 14th), I could see them all being happy while I was in some corner alone just doing inevitable philosophy of why am I so fucking disgraced, and a huge lot miserly random subjects ending up by me being a complete loser and all that shit you normal people don’t want to hear or care. Then on Sunday I can say I got the terrible mutherfucking bitching bad luck!! For I broke my bow in the last concert… and in the middle of the concert!! So I couldn’t play all the melodies, though I asked a little girl beside me if I could take her bow borrowed to play in the melodies she didn’t play (because she was C and I was B), she hopefully agreed, and let me play some, so now I’m fucking frustrated for having my bow broken, I’m not exactly sure how was that I broke it, I guess because due we were many people barely fitting sat and many were kids playing around, in some moment it might have broken; well now I’ll either try to fix it or buy a new one. So, like I was saying, after that last one concert I immediately put my violin and the broken bow in the violin case is so it didn’t get more damaged. The I came back for the music stand and it had disappeared, I looked for it about 25 mins without finding it and getting more frustrated for not knowing where was it, and when I was asking many people who has it finally I one person had it and gave it to me, he (a mature man, the ‘doc’) told me he took it because he thought I had gone and that he was going to give it to me when he find me, hopefully I find him and he gave it to me: one relief was done now. Then I was still some sad and such looking again all couples there, or at least many “circles of friends” enjoying the night in the dinner taking cake and sodas, and I didn’t have many people who a could got and be there, the Kathy I mentioned left with her family and boyfriend, so I at least was talking to some or the directors and such, finally the whole thing ended, the musicians took their respective transports to go back to their cities, I said goodbye to some and went home… finally home!!!

Yet, at home was wondering about all this, and well, if you can tell, when I think about such thinks, I really think a lot, so I can say now this was some great big experience of life …for clichéd that that might have sounded, but it was in deed something either for good or not, I do can say it generates more philosophies to my mind and existence in general thinking. Since all this was mostly related to music I’d like to quote something that one of the directors told to encourage us:

…like Shakespeare said: If life is Music, keep playing!.

 Week's summary.    2003-02-09 18:11:17 ET
It had been long since I didn’t update this thing. Ok, well, last Tuesday it was the birthday of the director of the orchestra we’re playing and doing rehearsals, he turned 40, and it was kind of funny how we agreed to play the ‘happy birthday’ melody when he was about to direct us for playing, and so it happened, he said: “ok, lets start with Rondo of H. Purcell, and 1, 2...” and we instead of playing it we start playing the happy birthday melody and he got all surprised and one of the girls brought a cake with candles, he turned them off blowing and such... it was fun; then we finally started playing like the usual and everything went normal.

Then Wednesday was kind of shitty because I thought that we were having rehearsal again but we didn’t so I ended up going there anyway and played for about an hour by myself; then going back home, it was dark and I didn’t see very well so I mistook the bus and take another one that was leaving me in another way, so I got off of it, walked some streets and took the correct one.

Thursday and Friday we did have rehearsals so it went well, besides on Friday I went to a store to buy the for strings for violin where my teacher Susy told me to go, because the strings I normally was using and buying were a very simple ones of about 2 or 3 bucks, and these ones my teacher told me were really professional strings in which I spent in total like $60, they were imported from Germany, and she was right, the sound of the strings sound so much better and they even feel nice while playing, so, it was worth buying them. That day was also my grandfather’s birthday and my mom gave him a bottle of wine as a present.

Saturday and Sunday (today) we also had rehearsals and I have to say that I do am feeling more comfortable with these new strings, now it’s only my duty to practice more to play better. Today was also my cousin’s birthday... mmh, too much birthdays this week! Well, I don’t know what more to say, so I better shut up.

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